So I’m currently single and have been since college five years ago. I had briefly dated two girls within two years of college, but haven’t been on a date since. Finding and meeting girls in college was super easy, now not so much.
Anyways, now that I’m out of college and working full time, it’s been really hard to meet girls. However, I see attractive girls all the time out in public. Problem is a few things:
1. I really don’t have a ton of confidence to approach them. I’m more introverted so approaching random girls is out of my comfort zone.
2. What would you even say to a girl you see for the first time in public?
3. Do girls even like being approached in public by guys?
Now, I do know people who have found their partners by meeting them in public and as for right now that seems to be the only way I might be able to meet someone. There’s also a girl that works at the same place as me that one of my coworkers has tried to tell me to go talk to, but I don’t even know the first thing to say to her.
Anyways, any advice here!would be much appreciated.
7 comments
In general, women like being approached in public if it’s a social setting (like a bar, club, block party, beach, bowling alley, public pool, casino, etc).
They generally do not like being approached in public at places where they aren’t trying to socialize (such as the grocery store, doctor’s office, gym, gas station, the sidewalk when they are headed somewhere).
And of course there are places where it actually scares women to be cold approached (parking garage, parking lots, secluded alleyways, when she’s walking somewhere alone in the dark, etc.).
These are generalizations, so obviously there are always going to be some women who love being approached at the gym and some women who hate being approached in a bar, so you do need to learn to read body language. But in general, you will have more luck hitting up a woman who’s sitting alone at a bar than a woman trying to buy groceries.
I usually recommend not dating co-workers, but you can at least talk to her. If you work retail or hospitality minimum wage, it doesn’t matter.
No success OLD, and then you think you can just randomly open girls on the street. It’s like going from training wheels on a bike to jumping motorcross with no safety net. Go on some speed dating, singles mixers first. Baby steps.
Just start off with “Hey I don’t mean to interrupt” or “Hey I hope I’m not interrupting”. And if able I’d recommend giving a specific compliment to make your intentions clear but not be basic. What I mean is while yes simply saying “I thought you looked beautiful” can work, it’s almost always going to be better to say something like “I saw your eyes and I just had to come over”. Or even complimenting the outfit she’s wearing, shoes, tattoos, etc.
I’d also recommend you at least have a short conversation before asking for her number instead of going “hey you’re really cute could I get your number”. Because even if you’re physically attractive enough for her to do so it won’t give her very much motivation to respond to your text at a later date.
Some more basic stuff but I’d just say look put together. You don’t need to be in a suit or smth but you generally don’t want to look like you just woke up. Wear a nice cologne if you can. And of course, try not to come off as awkward and speak clearly, speak from your diaphragm, and speak with intention.
Try not to come off as too serious but also don’t be a complete goofball. It’s ok to smile while talking and let yourself laugh.
As for nerves trust me when I say faking it until you make it works. Just gotta pretend you’re the most confident guy ever and not overthink it. It might be extremely awkward at first but it’ll get easier and easier the more you do it.
It’s over for you. Don’t approach girls they couldn’t give less of a shit about you
If you see someone you’d like to talk to, you have to get out of your own way. You have to fundamentally believe that you have something to offer via conversation; whether that’s listening or having interesting things to say or discuss. Some people don’t have anything to say, some don’t want to listen. That’s okay. Learning how to initiate small talk to get a sense as to how much conversation you can have with someone is something that takes practice.
Most important thing is to treat women like you would treat any random guy for conversation; you have nothing to lose or gain other than talking to them.
They may be looking for different things than you, or have different assumptions, but if you want to practice talking to strangers generally to demystify it, try talking to people you have 0 romantic intentions with. Often I will complement someone’s shirt, tie, shoes, etc if they don’t seem busy, and it makes a lot of peoples’ days. Elderly people are great to extend some small talk or compliments to as well. Eventually you might find it easy to say something to any stranger, including an attractive dateable woman who you can confidently speak to without worrying about the outcome. If she is in the right mood to talk more, or maybe you’ve seen her around before, you might get into a more detailed conversation.
Once you establish that it’s a whole other ballgame, but having a mentality of “I don’t need to do anything abnormal to make this go well”, I.e. self confidence, you’ll be surprised at how your worldview shifts.
i would like being approached by guys like you 🥲 you seem genuinely nice
I’ll save you a bunch of misery. Learn to read body language and when a woman is interested.
Don’t approach women in public unless she shows some obvious interest in you. If she smiles and makes eye contact with you start with small talk see how she reacts to you. If she is interested, she will make it easy to talk to her. IF she is not easy to talk to, she is not interested.
Assume she is just being polite/friendly until she proves otherwise. Women are indirect but they are not subtle. If they want to date you it will become obvious soon enough.
Avoid dating women at work and near work even if she works for a different company in the same complex.