My girlfriend is amazing. Our chemistry is amazing. We want things to work, but I feel like I’m going crazy.
We’ve been dating for 10 months and spend every day together. She’s brought it to my attention that my body language is awful- the things she tells me are kind of outrageous.
If I shake my leg she accuses me of being turned on and, god forbid, if there is someone in the room or on the tv she will come to the worst conclusion. If I run my hands through my hair she accuses me of spreading my pheromones. If I lunge to grab something in the supermarket I’m accused of showing my ass off to the gay couple (I’m straight asf). Yet if I bring up that she does the same thing if not much worse, she flies off like a loose cannon full of denial and excuses. Alas, I’ve adjusted my body language to make her more comfortable and she stays the same.
She has accused me of watching girls dancing on TikTok and Ive proved her wrong (watch history). I’ve been held to the gun a dozen times on this sort of a thing so I deleted the app. But then I find out months later that she is watching porn but it’s “just for practice” and “it was for you” she says.
She has accused me of putting myself on display if I manspread even a little (it’s so uncomfy, but I changed it anyway). Yet she will wear the shortest dresses and her underwear is always showing when she sits but it’s “I want to look pretty for you” and “I can’t control it” she says.
She has accused me of being too close to people and flirting if I sit beside her friend at the dinner table without saying a word. Yet she will be basically breathing down my best friend’s neck and give them the “fuck me” eyes and exclude me from the conversation. I’ve terminated my bubbly personality and distanced myself from people, but it’s “I’m just being friendly” and “I just want to get to know your friends” she says.
I’m really worried I’m doing these things just to give her control and help her hide from her insecurity as opposed to me having bad body language. I would never have a problem with the things she’s doing if I hadn’t built resentment from the fights and changes I’ve made despite everything.
Is it that this change is good and she should take her own advice? Or is it that I’m snuffing out my personality to save her from herself? I really don’t know…
tldr; my girlfriend is a hypocrite
41 comments
She’s a manipulative lunatic man.
> I’m really worried I’m doing these things just to give her control and help her hide from her insecurity as opposed to me having bad body language
There’s your answer.
She’s not a hypocrite she’s fucking bonkers you should get out before it gets worse
Your girlfriend is a weird asshole. Being with her is making your life worse. It’s making *you* worse.
Her hypocrisy is glaring, but even if she were 100% consistent about holding herself to the same standards, that’d be a huge problem because her standards are fucked up. She’s either so deeply insecure it verges on delusional (and is harming you as a result), or she’s deliberately, abusively manipulative.
Try to remember the person you were before you met her and ask yourself what he would think of the situation you’re in now. Are you living a life you’d have wished for yourself?
You aren’t doing anything wrong. If anyone jumps you all the time because they see “body language” issues, you need to get away from crazy. Ask her to find a study, paper, anything that confirms body language as a scientific fact. There is no firm “grounding” on why people move the way they do. Did I wink at you, or was it a nervous tick that you know nothing about? Did I reach out to you or was I swatting away a bug that was circling your head that you weren’t aware of. Did I wiggle my ass, or was my underway riding up? You can go on and on with this.
Uh dude she’s not “a hypocrite”. She’s fucking insane.
Get out now because I know someone who had the same shit happen to him and he stayed on for 6 years hoping things will change and it never did.
She is wildly insecure and manipulative. She may also be projecting. I would completely stop playing ball with these requests and basically ignore her concerns. Just laugh them off and don’t engage.
Or breakup.
This is… exhausting. You both need to grow up or get out because MY GOD.
I dated a girl like this. some crazy things she did:
1. we went shopping and she saw a nice leather jacket and told me I’d look amazing in it. tried it on confirmed by her that I looked amazing. bought jacket. Never wore jacket cause I looked too amazing in it and obviously would be attracting unwanted attention if I wore it.
2. I gained some weight the first few months we dated so I wanted to do something about it. I love rollerblading but was not “allowed” to do that because obviously there would be hot women throwing themselves under my wheels. She joined a gym but I wasn’t allowed because naked ladies in change room. Was over 200 pounds by the time the relationship ended.
3. When we finally ended things I had to go and pick up some of my things at her place. Went with a friend and got the boxes in to his car. She had poured her perfume over all of my belongings, including the leather jacket that I was so excited to be able to wear. She marked my shit like a fucking cat.
It won’t get better, run now.
leave her dude. Its not going to get any better.
Yet another “My girlfriend is amazing”…except for this giant list that proves she isn’t.
She has issues and needs to see a therapist.
Move on, this isn’t going to get better.
You’re dating a 12 yr old dude
Ah, yes. She is crazy. I suggest you run fast. I had a ex just like this. He would scream at me and make me feel like crap for doing something, when he did the exact same thing first. Run. Run far away.
You don’t have bad body language. You sound like a perfectly normal person who is being lied to and manipulated.
Your girlfriend is not amazing. She’s absolutely off her rocker and you need to stop changing yourself for her ridiculous demands.
Kick her out of your life. If possible, send her all the way to the moon, so she’ll never harm anyone else like she’s in the process of harming you.
Get the hell away from her.
Does she have some kind of personality disorder
You’ve got good chemistry but she’s not amazing and isn’t very nice to you. Some of the stuff she’s doing is actually abusive.
Chemistry isn’t everything. Please be careful. People (men and women) are killed by the controlling people they really love every day. You can still love someone even as they are shaming and behaving awfully to you. Feeling chemistry and love doesn’t mean that person is good for you.
This is abusive behavior. Your girlfriend is abusing you. You should get out now
You’re being abused. This is NOT what a healthy relationship looks like. Get out while you still can man, before she baby traps you or some shit.
This is controlling and abusive behaviour and it looks like it’s working because you continue to adjust your behaviour thinking the you are the problem, yet nothing changes on her end. When you try to confront her on the hypocrisy you see she denies and deflects.
You’re confusing chemistry with insanity.
> I’m really worried I’m doing these things just to give her control and help her hide from her insecurity as opposed to me having bad body language.
That is because your body language is normal and you are doing those things to hide from her insecurity which gives her control and she wants control.
> I would never have a problem with the things she’s doing if I hadn’t built resentment from the fights and changes I’ve made despite everything
That resentment is your brain telling you this is all wrong. It is your brain using your emotions to scream “you are about to enter abusive relationship dude, run away”.
Bro, she’s not just a hypocrite, she’s also controlling, maniacally jealous, downright abusive.
She’s forcing you to change things about yourself that aren’t even wrong to begin with
This is not a healthy, normal relationship. Get out as quick as you can before she destroys you completely
This girl is a narcissist, you will completely lose yourself if you stay in that relationship.
Educate yourself about narcissism and gaslighting, then gather your energy and RUN without looking back!
She does not accuse you of spreading pheromones if you run your hands through your hair! If this is true, hypocrisy is not the issue. She needs to be committed
Toxic, manipulative and not likely to change.
oh my god, leave! there’s some things that can be worked through, this..no. she is so horrifically insecure it is coming out in the form of emotional abuse towards you. there’s nothing wrong with your body language, your (hopefully soon to be ex) gf just needs to get a grip and do some serious work on herself and her wild control issues
I love how this started with how great she is and your chemistry being amazing…only to write a litany of ways in which she’s totally messed up as is your relationship. She sounds unhinged. Leave and find a healthy relationship. With someone who’s not mental. You deserve better.
How exactly is this girl amazing? I’m having trouble understanding your standard or if you’re a good judge of character if this is someone you call amazing. She has serious issues in the head and needs to be alone, not allowed to make someone’s life difficult like she is making yours. Do you really want to start changing everything about yourself to appease her? Where does that end? You want to walk on eggshells and calculate every single move and word so she wouldn’t get the wildest ideas? Dude, snap tf out of it and dump her, you can do much better, she can’t possibly be the only dating option in your area.
I think she’s projecting what she’s actually thinking/wanting to do. I don’t know her so I’ll chalk it up to self-sabotage from unhealed trauma or you’re just in a downright controlling relationship. From what your post says, this warrants a serious talk.
Controlling behavior like this only gets worse over time. Deep down you know changing yourself in these ways is wrong and unnecessary. Break up with her. Cut all ties with her. Stay with friends for a while if you can. You should be concerned about how much worse this could get. Your girlfriend needs serious professional help and she is not well enough to date anyone currently. I would suggest you seek therapy as well. I’ve been in a controlling and manipulative relationship before and parts of it stick with you even after the breakup. It’s better to face it now and heal so you don’t carry the damage into your future relationships. Good luck.
she’s a narcissist
get rid asap
She’s mental. Walk away while you still can.
“My girlfriend is amazing.”
Narrator: His girlfriend was in fact *not* amazing.
She’s a toxic mess. Run!
Be careful here.
You’re in the honeymoon phase where anything your partner does is paved in gold.
From the comments you’ve made, she sounds insecure and using manipulative passive aggressive tactics to keep you under her thumb.
That behaviour is not going away in the future. It’s who she is. In order to keep people close, she finds it appropriate to put them down so they lose the confidence to stand up for themselves and leave.
To her, it’s normal to do these things. Whether she’s capable of change is something you’ll need to figure out.
Does she apologise when you tell her she hurts your feelings or makes you feel less than? Does she constantly invalidate your contributions?
If you have any intention to stay with this person, you need to start enforcing some boundaries and calling her out on the fact you do not appreciate this treatment. When she tries to spin it around and avoid taking responsibility for her actions, you need to decide if she has shown you she’s willing to change and recognised her faults.
No one is perfect in this world. It’s our ability to self inprove that makes the difference. You’ll need to judge if she’s capable of change or not.
She’s insanely controlling. If you let her get away with it she will turn downright abusive. You should dump her and find someone who doesn’t police you like a purity culture fanatic fundamentalist pastor with a wife ten years younger than him.
Why stay? You want this?
>My girlfriend is amazing.
Your girlfriend isn’t amazing. She’s controlling, insecure and has mental issues. Nothing about this relationship is healthy or amazing. You’re just too young and inexperienced to know what a healthy relationship looks like.
>If I shake my leg she accuses me of being turned on and, god forbid, if there is someone in the room or on the tv she will come to the worst conclusion. If I run my hands through my hair she accuses me of spreading my pheromones. If I lunge to grab something in the supermarket I’m accused of showing my ass off to the gay couple (I’m straight asf). Yet if I bring up that she does the same thing if not much worse, she flies off like a loose cannon full of denial and excuses.
She’s grade A crazy and your coddling and enabling her insecurities.
This relationship is a shitshow.
You are still young & will meet many amazing people in times to come, don’t tie yourself to anyone who won’t allow you to be the unique, beautiful happy person you are. Please learn from this and find yourself again. My love enhances my life as should yours. Be kind to yourself, you know that this relationship has run it’s course.
She’s not amazing, she’s insane. This women is a walking red flag. She’s majorly insecure and without therapy that is not going to change
You need to dump her 🍑 and see a therapist as to WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU ATTRACTING PSYCHOS.
I’m betting you have NO BOUNDARIES WHATSOEVER.