Me and my bf opened earlier our Christmas gifts. I gave him a pairs of leather gloves and He gave ma an anal d1ldo. We never had anal s*x, but he wanted to try and I’ve always said “yeah maybe someday”. For me this was a problem, not because I would never do an*l s*x (I want to try it eventually), but because this is something degrading right? All of the things you could get me for Christmas and you give me that? Something that you want me to do for your pleasure?
Wtf the fuck should I tell my mum when she asks me what my bf gave me?!
I love him so so much and we are going to live together.
But this was not a smart move. I am thinking the best way to tell him that what he did was not good. Please someone help me explain this thing to him.
14 comments
Yes you are on the right track completely. You’ve been objectified here and you should be upset. I’ve always felt the true meaning of Christmas is sharing joy with your loved ones and really peering into their lives and letting them know you’ve been paying attention to what they would like. Something with meaning and purpose. This is completely degrading and with zero meaning.
Simply tell him he fucked up. If that is his way of telling you he wants to try, he failed miserably. I would tell him to get me a real gift or it’s over.
First, tell him it’s not going to happen, and to not bring it up again. And that if you happen to change your mind he’ll be the first to know.
Ask him where your real gift is.
I would say something like, ‘I can’t wait to get my real present on Xmas.” Making it seem like you think the dildo was a joke gift. If he doubles down and says that was your real gift, bring up your feelings about it being for his pleasure and not yours. After all, the gloves weren’t for you at all.
Does he want you to perform anal sex on him? If the answer is ‘No” (and don’t assume that it would be a ‘No”) ask him how he would feel if you bought him a big anal toy?
I’m not sure that it is degrading. If you really wanted to have anal sex it might be a great gift. But its certainly not a gift you can show your mother and family.
Tell him he has 4 days to come up with something better that you can show your mother.
Act like it’s meant to use on him.
Tell him how you feel and if he can give you another gift or return that one/ get a refund and give you another. You shouldn’t move in with someone who you can’t communicate issues with
Even from my perspective as a guy he fucked up. I don’t want to make the assumption that he made the decision he did based off of selfish reasons but likely he did and shouldn’t have. I tend to think that if you’re buying someone a gift it should either be something the person appreciates or something they’ll have use out of or both. I’d understand if that was like a separate private gift that maybe you could experiment with a little. I think the best way to go about it is to honestly just explain how you feel with it and just be honest. As a guy that’s what I’d want from my significant other
You need to tell him bedroom stuff needs to be an everyday kind of gift/surprise. Christmas is reserved for anything butt…lol. Tell him he missed the mark by a long shot.
Wtf is wrong with him?
I’m gonna say your problem needs a therapist.
There is a lot of either insecurity or inability to recognize an unhealthy/healthy relationship because this isn’t one.
He’s pushing 30 and buys himself a present, for you, on Christmas.
This is a textbook definition of a bad partner. If he isnt gonna at least try to do better then you certainly can, but only if you believe you deserve it.
That’s like buying your wife a dishwasher for the house, that’s a gift for the house not your partner. Tell him it doesn’t count as a gift and he can get you something else.
ok i’m probably gonna get ripped apart for this one, but he didn’t do anything wrong here. most guys (not all, but generally most) don’t feel great about toys in the bedroom that replace their penises. him buying you that for christmas isn’t degrading at all. it’s something that gives you complete control, it’s something that you get to choose whether or not you want to use it, and frankly does everyone need to know exactly what he got you for christmas? no. it’s a personal and intimate gift, and from his perspective he’s trying to help you explore something, either by yourself or with him, that he clearly thinks will be enjoyable for you. you say “maybe someday” and that you want to try it eventually, but clearly something’s been in the way.
he’s removing himself and the need to fulfill expectations from the equation. maybe i’m off my rocker, but that’s one hell of a thoughtful gift even if most people don’t want to admit that sexual gifts can be thoughtful.
I dunno if it’s degrading, but it’s definitely not a gift for you. Which is not cool and shitty of him.