I (F25) am currently being ghosted by a guy (M29) I went on one date with a week ago.
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I thought the date went great! It was a dinner date and lasted three hours. I hadn’t been expecting it to be a dinner date- originally it was just drinks, but the guy asked me if we could switch it to dinner at the last minute. We had great conversation, and he said at a few different times how much he was enjoying it and how surprised he was by how well we were connecting. He also said I was beautiful multiple times in those three hours. He talked about lots of different date ideas for us in the future (to which I said something like, whoa slow down there we’re just getting to know each other). Important to note that he said he’d gotten out of a relationship just a couple months before.
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I opened up to him a lot on the date, telling him about things like my goals and values. I felt comfortable doing that because he was also opening up to me and made me feel so comfortable. I didn’t overshare, I don’t think, but I certainly told him things I’d only tell my friends.
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After leaving the restaurant (he paid), he kissed me goodbye and again said he like to hang out again sometime. He texted me soon after to again say that he had a great time and that he’s looking forward to the next time. I responded to also say that I had a great time and asked him to let me know if he would be free the next weekend (he said ‘I will’).
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And then… I’ve heard very little from him. I messaged him once with a song suggestion, and he just liked the message. On Friday he asked me about my weekend plans and I told him when I was free and agreed that we should hang out again this weekend, but he ended up just saying ‘Ok I’ll text you’ instead of making plans. Also to be clear it’s Sunday night and I haven’t heard from him all weekend š
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I really didn’t want to believe that I had just imagined that he was genuinely interested. Now I realize that the things that he did (complimenting me so much, picking a restaurant that was close to his apartment, being so into the conversation) were probably because he wanted to sleep with me and/or leave a great impression and not because of genuine interest. Also, if this was all happening a few years ago, I’d probably just text him to ask about his weekend. I’ve stopped doing a lot of the chasing in the recent past because I felt like it was digging me into deeper holes with men who weren’t interested- but I’m curious to hear if anyone in this Reddit will encourage me to reach out to him at any point.
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Comments? Thoughts? I don’t know where I’m going with this but would love someone to commiserate with me
8 comments
If it helps, I’m talking to a girl on hinge and left my number. I haven’t gotten a response since yesterday. We definitely hit it off, so I wouldn’t assume u got ghosted…maybe he’s busy and will get back to you. May even apologize for jot getting back to you
Lots of people ghost because itās easy.
They could truly be busy, and so getting in their business isnāt going to help.
They could not know how to respond, and sending them more messages wonāt likely help either, though it might give them an easier topic to talk about.
They could see you as a backup option if other things donāt pan out, and so are selfishly keeping you in the dark by ignoring you
They could also have simply lost interest but donāt have the decency to tell you in a respectful way.
Iām talking with a few different women currently, and have exchanged numbers after using hinge.
One of these girls called me one night, I wasnāt in town, and she āforgotā to call me back since she had just pulled into her driveway. She then called me out of the blue two days later (ignoring the few texts I had sent) and wanted to know if I could come over. I reminded her that I was out of town, and she expressed what she was wanting me at her place for (wish I was in town). Since we talked on the phone that night to help alleviate her needs, she hasnāt replied to any of my texts (one per day on average, varied attempts of topic) and itās been about 4 days. Iāll be back in town after Christmas, and I would be eager to finally meet this girl. However, Iām not going to keep texting her without getting a reply. If she wants to respond, thatās on her. Eventually youāll find plenty of other people who are valid dating candidates who will actually give you the time of day.
What Iād say overall is: give things time to breathe, and trust them to reply when they can. I think itās fine to leave someone memes or songs to listen to when they get around to it, but try to limit direct questions until they answer or not.
Ghosting is shitty, but sometimes itās just not intentional
Heās talking to other women. You have competition.
Men revel themselves in their efforts. Regardless of how well you perceive the date went, the only thing you should pay attention to is how quickly they make plans to see you again and how they behave afterwards. Itās particularly crappy that he said he would let you know, then he didnāt. I would move on from this, heās not stepping up like he should for you to consider entertaining him further.
Also, Iād say donāt reach out after a great date. If you thanked him for the night and seemed enthusiastic, your job as the woman is done. Itās up to him to make plans and suggest the next date. It really weeds out the guys who arenāt excited to date you.
I’m a guy. I’ve been on the dating apps for a few months now. I’ve never liked the “too busy to text” idea. I’ve always kept a person I was interested in updated in case I was too busy to talk.
Unfortunately that’s the issue with dating apps. People can be flaky and given your description of the date it sounds like he was using you for his gain.
My advice: If he’s not willing to give you the time of day now, how will he be in the future? I would just move on. Don’t keep your cards in one place. I’ve never found otherwise being beneficial.
Hope this helps, wishing for the truly the best.
>picking a restaurant that was close to his apartment, … probably because he wanted to sleep with me
Every guy goes on every date hoping the girl would sleep with him. Did he invite you up to his apartment after dinner? No? Then ONS wasn’t the plan, he just picked the restaurant out of convenience.
He probably had 3 or more dates that weekend. What was he going to do? Tell you at the end of your date that you were one of 3? Why put you in a shitty mood when he could have ended in pleasantly and have you as a back up in case the other two didn’t work out. Always assume a guy is dating other women. He’s attractive enough for you, he’ll be attractive to other women too. Guess one of the other dates worked out better for him. You should follow his lead and date two other guys that same weekend too. Just in case you needed a ‘back up.’
I would encourage you to block the guy and move on. He’s not that into you and keeping you on a string just in case. He probably just wanted a fun date for the evening or maybe a hookup.
If you’re second-guessing yourself after the first date, it’s downhill from there.
The things you mention indicate he is a good date, not that he was particularly into you. It doesn’t matter what they say during the date. You don’t know how they feel until the next day. He had something else he’d rather do this weekend.