My bf (22M) definitely has an asian fetish.
I (21F) would notice him looking at attractive asian girls when we’re out and I had confronted him about having an asian fetish before. He told me that he does not have a fetish but a preference and that it doesn’t affect his attraction towards me. Though i felt a bit less confident that I did not fit his type in terms of physical looks, i decided to trust him.
Fast forwards many months, while im showing him this anime i liked. It was a romcom anime, so it had romantically awkward scenes/teasing. He starts huffing and puffing and groaning. I asked him if he was mad and he said yeah. I asked why bc i was confused why he hated it so much.
He then tells me that he’s rly attracted to asian girls and watching scenes like that makes him “afraid” that he’ll “give in to his lust and cheat on me or leave me”.
I was so shocked. I think anyone with boundaries would have told him to leave and broken up.
Bc first of all, asian fetishizing is wrong.
Second of all, wtf?!
At that moment, I stayed calm but i did tell him that creates a crack in our relationship.
We have been dating for 3 years and he has helped me a lot getting out of a toxic family situation and more.
I know his family and got close to them.
I’m dating to marry but Idk how it’s gonna be like in the long run. It feels uncertain.
I hate feeling like he’s just settling down bc im a “safe” option as im his first long term stable relationship.
I told him all that.
I obviously have strong feelings for him which is why i have not broken up with him. He also had immediately apologized and begged me not to break up with me etc.
We have had a pretty healthy dynamic otherwise but I just dont know what to do.
I think some outside perspective could be helpful.
11 comments
Yoooooo once I went asian I never looked back. Better blindfold ur dude
so he’s afraid that YOU watching ANIMATED ASIAN WOMEN will make HIM want to cheat? wtf kind of ass backwards thinking is that?! dude has issues.
Here’s an opposite opinion. I had a friend who was into Asian girls. Long story short he’s married to a “regular old white girl” and happy as hell. They’re expecting their first baby soon. Yell it’s ok to look but not touch. It will probably be one of those passing things. Plus why does he think they’ll want him?
Your boyfriend is a dickhead. And one who admits to having zero self control.
I get that three years is a long time and he’s done a lot for you, but he basically admitted that given the opportunity he would cheat on you with his “preference.” You’re right, it’s fetishization and it’s wrong.
And you were watching a cartoon no less. It’s one thing for the eye to look (because it’s not wrong to look at people we find attractive), so long as we don’t act on it. Which he blurted out he would do. If he was just jerking it to porn or even hentai, that’d be one thing. This is another entirely.
It seems like he has some issues he needs to work out. Obviously only you can make the decision to stay or go, but I wonder if you could trust him around any Asian woman and if you could continuously forgive his casual racism.
He’s letting you know now that if an opportunity opens up in the future with a cute Asian chick, you can say goodbye to that relationship.
He’s deflecting the blame already for cheating. That hasn’t even happened to him just being SO attracted to Asian girls that he just can’t help himself.
You have strong feelings, or you’re very much in love?
Please break up with this man. He does not respect you or your relationship. He does not even respect women since he only sees Asian women as objects of temptation.
A fetish is not “just having a preference”. I can prefer brown hair over blonde hair, that doesn’t mean I’d leave my partner because he doesn’t have brown hair.
He literally admitted to possibly cheating on you in the future if the opportunity came. You can do what you want with that information. Personally I would not stay. Adding to the damage: Asian fetish is based on women being submissive, you should look up the history of asian fetishizing if you haven’t already.
Your boyfriend is really immature, anyone that speaks about cheating like something they can’t control its because they don’t want own up to their actions, therefore immature.
To be honest I cringed really hard when I read his reaction towards an ANIME, dump him girl lol
I would have got up and told him that we were done and walked away!!