So I found out recently that I had been cheated on and it hurts a lot. Because I genuinely thought that he would have never done this to me. I’m my kind out relationship was perfect and I though nothing was wrong. Recently, we had a discussion and I had to kind of pry it out of him and eventually he told me that he cheated. I was like I said shocked and upset. Prior to dating I made it clear that I would leave if I was ever cheated on again. Previous relationship, I was cheated on multiple times and found out through social media. I at least give my current partner credit for telling me straight up but still sucks. He told me that he didn’t mean it( like they all say) but from this realizes how important and special I am to him. Now I have heard this before and I wasn’t going to fall for it again. However it was different this time he told me everything that happened and that he absolute regrets it and it was due to self esteem reasons. We are currently going to couple therapy( his suggestion) and we talk thing out when I feel I can’t trust him. He was wanting to stay with me every after cheating. Unlike the others, I’m so confused and lost. I admire that he is VERY much willing to fix the relationship and does everything to get us back to normal, but I absolutely hate that this is what makes him realize that I’m worth something after the fact not in those three years. Also that I have to live with the fact that he cheated on me. But I still love him even after the fact, but also have hate for him as well. It’s been 3 months since he told me and everything has been great, but I can’t get past the though of him cheating again. Please I’m begging anyone for advice and help to get a better grasp if this is even worth it.
TL;DR boyfriend cheated is willing to fix things how do I get past the though of him doing it again?
8 comments
To be honest, I’d never take back a guy that cheats. I say that mostly because things will never be like they were before he cheated. You’ll always have issues trusting him. It will always hurt to know he betrayed you that way.
I know he may have taken responsibility for it and suggested couples counseling, but it won’t erase what he did. Part of you will always be tortured by this because he did this knowing how bad it would hurt you. That didn’t stop him. What’s to say he won’t do it again?
okay i will come at this a little different then most. i was engaged to a woman at about the same point in life and she cheated on me. i took her back. what ended up happening is she put in a ton of energy and effort into getting me to take her back and that lasted a while. after she was comfortable in the relationship again and knew she had me then her effort faded again and she went right back into her old patterns. she cheated on me far worse then before and utterly shattered my heart. please dont take this guy back, your life should be better then what he can deliver to you.
I’m 36 and recently made a post here that I’ve since deleted, asking “why do I always ignore red flags in relationships, everyone I’ve ever dated has ended up cheating on me.” If you don’t want to be on here making a post like that in 13 years, get out of the relationship now.
It will hurt badly for a while, but in the end you’ll be so much happier with someone who doesn’t cheat on you. There’s no going back, you’ll never truly trust him again I promise you. Don’t do an on and off relationship, or friends with benefits. He violated your trust and showed he has no respect for you. He’s not worth any more of your time.
>Please I’m begging anyone for advice and help to get a better grasp if this is even worth it.
Ok, let‘s reframe this. Stop trying to think in terms of „save the relationship“ or „he‘s worth it/not worth it“ – what kind of relationship and partner do you want?
Do you want one where you need to work at it, like a second job? I mean, _great_ that he wants to go to therapy and work on it. But… do you want a relationship that you know, isn‘t broken in the firs place? You _know_ you have a hard boundary on cheating. He knew that. He did it anyway.
If so, get a new one. You‘re so young. You deserve better.
Contrary to what many people in this sub might think, infidelity isn’t always so black and white. Context is important. For example, your ages, the health and length of your relationships, the nature of the cheating (a kiss, sex, emotional affair, etc).
But at your age and for the length of time you’ve been dating, it’s 1000% not worth it to waste your precious mental and emotional energy on trying to “save” a relationship that likely doesn’t have a future.
Quite honestly, what do you think will end up happening if you decide to stay with someone who didn’t love or respect you enough to remain faithful?
You are 21. just leave. omg you are young. You should be having fun and not having to deal with this bullshit. Just cut him loose
21…. Ma’am, back your bags and leave. There’s nothing but regret to come especially being so young and staying w/ a cheater. Think about all the men that actually have a moral compass, you could spend your life with!
Best wishes