I matched with someone on Hinge, and I don’t know if they’ve changed their pictures since I sent my initial like, but now I can’t tell who is who in their pictures. 2/6 pics are the same two women. A third picture is two women, and I can’t quite tell if they’re the same women again based on an odd angle. She has three pictures of just herself, but in each one of those, her face is either obscured with things like sunglasses/hats/picture of her in the outdoors/underwater.
While they look reasonably similar in things like hair color and such, I am interested in one but not the other. I know that sounds horrible, but I just want to be honest.
I feel like a judgmental asshole already. Is there a way around this, in a polite way?
26 comments
Just take her out for coffee and figure it out then.
The rule of thumb is that if there’s more than one person in the photo, profile belongs to the least attractive one.
“This might sound silly, but I have trouble telling which is you in your third picture. Are you the one with the hat?”
Then when she answers, you can either ask her out, or not ask her out.
There’s nothing impolite about asking her this. People should use photos that don’t leave room for this kind of ambiguity, anyway.
Just say something to the effect of
Hey! Maybe Im getting old or something but I’m having a hard time figuring out which one you are in your group pics, since your face is partially covered in some of them!
Tbh she should not make guys play where’s Waldo…. so don’t feel bad about asking. If you can’t figure it out- you’re not the only one asking.
You’d actually be helping her out to tell her you can’t tell which person she is. It might prompt her to get better photos or clarify in the text which is her. “Hi – I liked your profile but can’t make out which is you in the photos?”
And if she’s not the one you liked, then simply unmatch. You don’t have to explain anything at that point. It’s on her for using unclear photos.
Maybe comment on something like ‘oh I really like your green leggings in that third pic, I think my cousin modeled the same pair for lululemon?’.. or something like that and she should then identify herself. But I think if her pics are unclear and she has lots of group photos it’s unlikely she is the most attractive one. When I was OLD I would have one full day shot and one full body shot – no obscurity, I wasn’t out to ‘lure’ dates then disappoint lolz
Asking for the contact info of the woman in the fancy white dress never goes over well, that much I know.
Likely the least attractive one in my experience. It’s always odd to me that people post all group photos but can’t even at least blur out the others so you know who they are. I feel like they know what they’re doing.
Comment something on the one that you think it might be her. If it is not her, she wil correct and you will know.
“Which one are you in the picture(s)?”
You can and should ask her which she is. But also, didn’t you match with this woman because you liked the look of her in the original pics? If you’re not being picky to begin with, that’s a problem and a waste of everyone’s time.
It’s the less attractive one.
I’d probably just say “nice sunglasses” because I’m looking for a new pair myself and hope she’ll ask her friend what brand it is.
Ennhhh it’s her fault for using only group photos. You can simply say “hi! I see you have only group photos – which one is you?” And then chat or unmatch as necessary. Remember: she’s the only creating this situation, possibly on purpose, not you.
I always swipe left on profiles with tons of group pics, it’s too much work, like finding Waldo on speed. And I agree that it’s her fault for creating the situation. I get one group pic to “prove” she has friends, but after a while, it’s just ridiculous.
If I’m not attracted to anyone, I swipe left.
I would not go on a date with someone who only posted ambiguous and group photos. So just unmatch.
Just ask. Unmatch if you don’t like the answer, that tells her what you think loud and clear. If she is the pretty one, though, then you can send a cute message about how pleased you are
Tell her to send you one of just her, and if she doesn’t, move the fuck on, this is *way* too much effort to be spending on someone who can’t get their shit together when it comes to profile pictures.
Move fast and don’t look back. Online dating is all about pipeline.
I always ask. When it’s not the person I was expecting I ask if the cute one is single, can they please intro me. They always get pissed and lose their cool.
I really don’t understand why people do this. Both men and women do. They use group photos with a more attractive friend and think this is somehow going to help them? It’s annoying. I’m average and I own it. LOL
If I can’t tell what you look like, I’m not matching.
If i can’t tell I don’t ask, I just assume it’s the least attractive person
It’s really her fault she’s put you in this position. If she says the one you’re not attracted to, just unmatch and walk away. That’s on her.
Why does it matter if they look reasonably similar?
when i’m feeling a bit insecure about asking something directly i always preface the question with: “Sorry if this is too forward…”
that way the person you are asking knows that you are considering their feelings and your stance in their relationship.