I 23(F) have been dating my BF(22 M) for 3 years. I’m just going to cut to right to it tbh. He tends to get awkward almost like embarrassed when I bring up that I already know what kind of corn he watches. He likes a lot webcam stuff. Mainly just girls doing their own thing (if you know what I mean). About a month ago we had a little spat about me trying to use the iPad to Google some random things we were talking about, but as I was going to open another tab he snatches the iPad from me and I became suspicious calling him possessive of what he was hiding. All he said was that he didn’t want me to see all his open tabs and that it was private. From there I had brought to his attention that i knew it was corn and that i was kind of offended that he felt he had to hide something like that or be coy about it even though we’ve already had the “what are you into” talk. PLUS he’s seen my corn search history before so I didn’t think it was a big deal. We kissed and made up over that, then a few weeks go by. He’s playing the game, I’m on the bed chilling watching tv, my phone died, but we want Uber Eats. I order the food from the iPad but curiosity got the best of me and I went to google. I guess this time he forgot to hide the tabs. I wasn’t shocked or anything. It felt like I had stumbled upon gold. I thought “this is interesting.” I took note of the type of stuff he was watching and snickered to myself a little bit thinking “I guess he just likes this kind of stuff”. I didn’t mention anything about what I saw, he was busy on the game, although at one point he did look back at me for a split second and saw I was on the iPad. By that time I had already seen enough of everything and completed our Uber eats order so I locked the iPad and sat it down. I did notice after a few minutes of me using the iPad he picked it up, I wasn’t really watching him but i did notice over his shoulder as I got off the bed to go and do something he was on Safari in the tabs, i figured he was covering his tracks. And i was right because when I went to check on our food delivery i swiped back over to safari and he put it in incognito.
Which brings us to more recently, over the past weekend we had a conversation about the sexualization of women and how different things would be in our relationship if I sexualized myself like the girls he watches. I posed the question “Well don’t you support sex workers?” to him as I was trying to prove a point. He reluctantly agreed but I had to remind him that he in fact does support sex workers bc of the type of adult entertainment he likes. Although he testified that he supported in clicks and views, and not in the monetary way, that was the main difference he wanted to make. However if I were to do something in that realm he says we wouldn’t be dating or that he would break up with me, but still be a subscriber which we laughed at and moved on. Just to clarify, we have conversations like this quite often, where we differ in opinions and sometimes they can get heated or someone may get annoyed but we never let it get the best of us.
ALSO I HAVE NO ISSUES WITH SEX WORKERS, I don’t look down on them or whatever, I respect their cause and the grind and understand that what they choose to do with bodies is none of my business.
So to no shock and surprise this morning when he left for work the iPad kept dinging, it was just spam notifications, but once again my curiosity got the better of me and I went snooping. I know it’s something I shouldn’t have done but i couldn’t help myself. There was no incriminating evidence in his messages that he was up to no good, which I expected that much. I eventually made it over to safari to see if he had the tabs just out in the open like last time, but this time they weren’t. He had them hidden in Private Browsing and this time instead of just looking at all the tabs grouped together I clicked on them individually to get a better idea of what he’s into and why he wants to hide it from me outside of reasons of privacy.
You would think it was some hardcore stuff but no it was pretty standard. Since majority of the tabs were webcam sites I noticed that one of them he had been logged into, and the for the first time throughout all of my snooping there was something I wish I hadn’t clicked on. The website kept track of his chat history and I could see what he was sending to a few of the girls. Things like he wanted to see one of the girls outfits, have them show their bum( he made that comment a couple of times to different girls), one of them he had the nerve to ask the girl in her chat if she had blocked him from commenting or typing to her. Now, it wasn’t tons of chat messages just like 4-5 to about 3 different girls that I could get see off the bat, but it was enough for me to be like “wtf”. I get wanting to watch these girls bc he may get to play out some fantasy he has yet to disclose to me but I feel like it’s a bit different if he is in their chats asking to see their bits and pieces. And to top it all off majority of the girls he was watching have the same body shape/skin tone as me.
So I don’t really know if I should be flattered or if I should take notes from the pretty girls that help my man get off. Also to clarify I’m not upset at him for watching, we are not always together and I understand he has “needs.” I also know I’m probably gonna get shit for being all snoopy-sneaky and whatnot but ever since the little tit for tat we had about a month ago about him hiding his corn from me there had just been a nagging thought in the back of my mind that he wasn’t being truthful about something. Til this day he doesn’t really want to talk about it. And I can’t help but wonder am I enough for him in bed or does he want me to be like the cam girls he loves to watch.
Should I confront him about my discovery or just keep hush and let it go?
TLDR; My(23F) BF(22M) likes to watch cam girls to which I have no issue with, that is information he willingly shared with me. But after some sus behavior that resulted in a tit for tat a month ago, as well as stumbling across corn tabs he forgot to put in privacy mode on our iPad. Recently over the weekend I went through the iPad search history I saw that he had actually chatted to a few girls about 4-5x during their live feed requesting specific tasks like to show a body part or to see their outfit. he doesn’t really want to talk about his corn preferences much. And I can’t help but wonder am I enough for him in bed or does he want me to be like the cam girls he loves to watch. Should I confront him about my discovery or just keep hush and let it go?
7 comments
You can say “porn” in this sub.
Also, he’s not watching porn. He’s interacting with it.
Is that okay with you?
If you have a boundary around interaction then that’s a fair boundary. Lots of people have that boundary and he probably knows that because he tried to hide it from you. You absolutely should not keep hush lol you’re just going to turn into an insecure snooping controlling mess if you try and pretend to be cool with something you’re not actually cool with. I don’t think porn habits have anything to do with what he expects from you in bed, but a boundary is a boundary.
I do feel a bit disrespected. He would probably feel disrespected too bc I invaded his privacy and that is something we touched on a month ago when we had that argument about him being possessive over the iPad. He didn’t like that i called him that, and kept defending himself saying he has a right to privacy. So I just feel like he’ll try to pull those cards again.
What if you’d have a cam? If it is a kink asking a woman certain things you might share it with him, provided you’d be willing to do that. If he wouldn’t be interested in sharing with you, I’d consider it problematic for your relationship. Imho interaction with Webcam girls is worse for a relationship than just watching porn.
Webcams aren’t really my thing but I could see how the chatting and interacting could enhance the experience. I wouldn’t necesarrily be insulted as it could just be a kink of his that he doesn’t find intimate at all with the other indiviudal. Maybe you could try setting up a scenario where you’re the one on webcam in another location and he can interact and chat with you. Could be something that you end up finding how while also satisfying one his desires.
Please take my advice with a grain of salt. I am a man and I of course may have bias towards your bf on some points. Trying to look at this as objectively as possible.
I think that if you don’t suspect he’s cheating on you, you should just let this go and try to respect his privacy. His porn preferences and behavior in particular, seem to be giving you anxiety. Therefore I would recommend that you just stay out of it from now on and let it be an out of sight out of mind thing. Most men watch porn and there are many ways to consume it. His are live cams. I personally dont see an issue with it. The only issue i have with is behavior is the fact that hes careless with protecting his privacy, and then hes actually messaging the women he is masturbating to which is just not acceptable if you arent a paying customer. And especially if you have a girlfriend.
And yes you also deserve some shit too because yes, you were snooping and you did this to yourself. You opened pandoras box and now you need to deal with your feelings. All I can say is that unless you two regularly masturbate together, whatever you choose to do, hes either going to continue watching porn the way he has, or he’s going to be more unhappy because he has to modify how he enjoys his privacy to make you happy.
How would you feel having your boyfriend question why you like the porn you like and comparing himself to the guys (or girls if thats your thing) on screen and snooping through your private things and requesting that he be included on your private things so that he feels more secure?
The sooner you disconnect yourself from what he sees in porn, the happier you two will be. Men don’t overwhelmingly want to wife who they jerk off to. You and those girls are in two different categories to him. One not being better than the other. You just serve a different role and purpose in his life. 80% of the time he’s jerking off, youre not the one thats gonna be on his mind and that’s ok! Thats why its called privacy. Being able to fantasize prevents cheating. It requires a partner who is secure of themselves to know that they are not expected to fulfill every fantasy for you.
If you are ok with the web cam porn then you should be aware interacting is prob the whole point. If you can chat and say.. I dunno, ‘i’ d like you to pleasure yourself while staring directly at the camera while rubbing a nipple counter clockwise at 4rpm and also moaning my name… No not that way the bh is pronoumced v sheeve, thank’ then you may just watch porn.
It’s also not great, from my experience, that he’s into cam girls as it, for me, signifies that he’s prob into too much porn, unhealthily so. Like, pornhub is walking down the mainstreet on a tourist trip but cam girls is when you visit frequently enough that you know the niche coffee shop… Not that i watch porn.. At all.