So im a 20m and i had a relationship when i was 17-18. She was the only person with whom i could talk about the most nerdy of shit (like discussing “critique of pure reason” by Immanuel kant or how bees and ants are the two greatest kinds animals (i will fight anyone who disagrees with me) the only other acceptable answer is turtles) while also being genuinely romantically attracted to her. I didn’t really have a crush before her and now the only person I have great chemistry with and I kinda like is someone who is in a 3 year long relationship (so im trying my best to remove myself from that situation) . My friends keep telling me to get over myself and just hook up with girls at parties and stuff but that seems so hollow to me. I haven’t really ever had any party where I felt a desire even remotely close to that. Even when I try to force myself i just feel repulsed by myself. I really miss being in a relationship but I think I’m afraid of beginning one again. Maybe I’m even afraid of women. Maybe I’m doing things wrong. I usually just treat girls the same as I treat my bros (just with significantly fewer insults) but im terrible at flirting and making a move. If anyone else has had similar experiences to me what is your advice?
1 comment
It’s understandable to feel apprehensive towards relationships, especially after a difficult ending. It’s also natural to want companionship again and it sounds like you know what ultimately makes you happy in terms of deeper connection with another person.
My advice is this: take your time. Don’t let anyone rush or pressure you into something before you’re ready, whether that be flirting, dating or getting physical with someone else. Enjoy the process of meeting people when you’re comfortable doing so – and remember there are many different paths to finding companionship and intimacy. Among other options, you could look for activities or events which involve topics close to your heart such as philosophy or discussions about Kant and his Critique of Pure Reason. Perhaps by actively engaging in meaningful conversations at these kinds of events (even if just online due to Covid-19) which aren’t centered on simply “hooking up”, can lead you down the path towards an authentic relationship built on mutual respect, understanding and connection which will bring true joy and pleasure into your life rather than settling for empty encounters based around superficial attraction alone.