I (26F) have been dating my partner (28M) for about 3 months now, and while it is new, we have moved fast which is contributing to my self-doubt and over thinking.
We had clicked instantly from the first date, and since then he’s been nothing but a perfect gentleman and has done nothing to make me doubt his intentions or how he feels about me. He’s incredibly communicative and makes sure to show how much he cares.
However, he got out of a 5 year relationship earlier this summer, and there’s something in me that just can’t stop thinking and wondering about that. He also had a dog with her that I know he misses a lot but as far as I know they are no longer in contact. He’s talking about the future with me, and we’re mutually joking about the pets/kids/family we could have together one day, but some part of me can’t help but think he wanted and promised all this to someone recently (for 5 years) and is now saying the same things to me.
I feel like I am self-sabatoging this because he made the decision to not be with his ex and he’s here with me now, but how do I stop having these doubts and being morbidly curious about his ex?
I think part of me is afraid this is his usual MO…
1 comment
This is not “lovebombing.” Please don’t assume everything is abuse when it’s really just normal, healthy relationship behavior.
When someone dates someone for 5 years and breaks up, the relationship was usually in a bad place for a very long time and it just took that long to get through the process of ending things.
Stop looking at his past relationship as five years of promising her great things. That’s likely not accurate, at all. In fact, stop looking at his past relationship altogether—he ended that and moved on. Why are you insisting on living in his past instead of being in the present moment focusing on your relationship with him?
You’re afraid this is his “usual MO”? So you seriously think that for five long years he was pulling the wool over some woman’s eyes and pretending to love her and now he’s doing that same thing to you? Just stop. You’re literally making no sense.
There is no “MO”—he dated someone for five fucking years. Dude doesn’t have an MO he’s just gotten out of a LTR.
Either start living in the present with him and judging him for how he is with you or let this guy go. I guarantee you his ex judged him plenty the past 5 years and he doesn’t need that from someone he’s been nothing but nice to—this is the honeymoon stage of your relationship and if you can’t have a positive outlook now, when exactly do you plan on having one?