I’m 26 years old, and my life is really lonely. For work I’m mostly on the road and work independently. I have hobbies but they are fairly niche and it’s not like they allow me to meet other people. I really don’t have any real-life friends. I don’t have anybody I can hang out with or get together with. I’m not really close to my family either and I don’t see them or interact with them all that often. I live alone.
There are several points throughout the day, where I’m just sitting in silence, wishing I had someone to talk to. I’ll think of something funny, or something cool, or something interesting, and then look around and realize that I’m all alone and in silence. I don’t even really have anyone I can text. Whenever I reach out to someone through text, I’m usually ignored. I have places I want to go and things I want to see. But I have nobody to go with.
I don’t know how to get myself out of this situation. I tried thinking of fun places where people my age go…and I thought of bars. And for a while, I was going out to bars on the weekend. But I never really met anyone. The general atmosphere made me uncomfortable and I felt like I didn’t belong. I tried looking at meetups but didn’t see anything that seemed remotely “me” or was in my age bracket. I tried going out to coffee shops and going on walks, but nothing came of that either. I also tried internet forums/chatrooms/apps for people local to my area, but nothing came of it.
It seems like any time I DO meet someone new, they end up ghosting me sooner or later. Even when things seem to be going well. Nobody ever tells me why they do it…they just do it. I feel like they just lose interest in maintaining the relationship right away or just forget about me. I don’t mean anything to anyone….nobody cares about me it seems like.
I’ve felt this way for pretty much my whole life. I went through 9 years of elementary and middle school being the outcasted kid. I went through 6 years of college without meeting anyone or making a single friend. I suppose I was shy, but I felt that nobody wanted to talk to me either, and I was doing them a favor by staying quiet. I didn’t even know what to say to anyone anyway. I just never had anything interesting or useful to talk about. The only time in my life where I had a few friends was in high school, but they stopped talking to me and made it obvious that they want nothing to do with me.
Anyway pretty much my whole life has been like this and I don’t know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.
23 comments
Start your journey of self improvement watching Hamza and 1stMan in yt, I was exactly like you untill this last year (I am 22) and now I’m brimming with confidence in myself and that makes people gravitate towards me or I just simply don’t give a fuck if they don’t want my company
Yeah, this is a very difficult situation to be in.
You already tried to visit social places and nothing came out of it.
You can go to a gym or something like that, but even then.
Then you got a heavy bag of bad social history in your school time, so there’s that.
And if you get older, most people are already settled with their own family of circle of friends. So a bit hard to get into that circle.
Maybe find something in the neighbourhood that has also to do with your hobby’s? If it’s IT or other things that has courses, maybe an evening course can help?
I dont know if you need to practice social skills like me, If you do, I dont mind if you send me a chat. Its good practice for me to improve my social skills and see if I can be someone who people would like to talk to. I can relate to what you’re going through and Im also trying to be in a better social situation.
Find a social activity like pool, darts, bocce ball in a place that you are comfortable in. Poetry jams, book clubs. You will find your tribe. Keep your eyes and heart open. If you find yourself being awkward say so, be open and honest about who you are and what you’re trying to do. You will get there.
Well man I don’t know so much and I don’t know you well to help you the only think I can say and relate is that I found happiness when I stopped think that I needed other people to be happy… We can be happy alone – when there’s something that i’d like to do I just do It even alone… There will be so many moments in our lives that people will just forget us and we thinking that we can only be glad when we are accompanied is a trap to destroy us
The first thing you can do is talk to a counsellor because its more than just being lonely hence you said when you text people they dont reply you that means its not actually the people that are the problem, the problem might come from within you.hence you might finally find one or twi friends later and they will not vibe well with you and in the long run leave you lonely again so you need a counsellor to counsel you and help you mentally and emotionally. I could recommend one or two very good counsellors i know if you want.
What are your hobbies?
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things.
However, to maintain a relationship, both people get something out of the interaction. There was a post yesterday that put it kind of bluntly: [Pro Tip + Life Advice: Most people will interact with you only if they find value in you!](https://old.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/u5bh32/pro_tip_life_advice_most_people_will_interact/)
To an extent, that’s true, but it doesn’t mean they only want to exploit the relationship for personal gain. Often, it’s not even a conscious act. Given the choice of two people I could hang out with, one of whom I don’t find interesting, and one I get along with really well, I’m going to choose the one I get along with.
So, with these people you’ve met, what reason do you have that they would want to hang out with you again in the future? Are there shared interests you have, or activities you enjoy doing together? And more importantly, will they *enjoy* doing them with you? You can both be huge fans of one band, for example, but if they find hanging out with you to be dull, then they are less likely to do it.
I’m speaking from experience on this, by the way. I was in your shoes for a while, but after high school I decided I want to get out and do more. I have a few good friends, but to meet people for the first time, they’d probably find me boring, because I’m pretty reserved around strangers. But in an environment where people are looking to meet others, e.g. Meetup, then I try to let that go and let myself be a little open, a little honest, a little weird (very little).
Jeee bud, you just described 80% of my life and I’m 24
You could give a read to Dale Carnegie’s How to make friends & influence people. It’s simple and wonderful book
Bars, coffee shops, walks — those are all okay things to do AFTER you’ve already made friends. Not the best places to meet people. Mainly because there isn’t enough time to strike up a conversation long enough to connect, and no opportunity to repeat the experience, which is necessary to develop a rapport.
Better places to meet people: interest groups, hobby clubs, professional groups, volunteer work, adult ed classes, adult recreational sports teams, neighbors, volunteer behind the scenes for local community theater, church group if you do a church, outdoors club, political group, sports team fan club etc.
Anyplace where you can see people REGULARLY and strike up regular conversations.
Beyond that there are some traits that people find almost universally attractive, I call them ECHO: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor & Optimism. Most people don’t have all four, but if you can develop two of them, that’ll be a big step forward.
That’s where I’d start. Good luck!
Hey I know that feeling. I’m 19 and go to college and it feels like I’m the odd one out. You’re not the only one. Here is my advice:
Be confident in yourself. People love people who are confident in themselves. Whenever I messaged people, I used to always sound desperate and they probably knew. They would take advantage of that. I would literally drop down on my knees and thank them like they were god. But when I started to sound more confident and make it clear that I had self-respect and dignity. THEY started coming to me instead of ME coming to them.
All in all, be confident in yourself, let people know that you love yourself and they will come to you 🙂
Hope this helps!
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If you’re looking for baby steps, meeting people doesn’t have to start out in physical locations. Online can be easier for some. Try joining a chatroom or five and meeting people that way.
I always tell people this, but get a part time retail job like once or twice a week. Let’s be honest, you aren’t doing anything anyway so fuck it. You can meet a lot of laid back people doing that that are your age. It also helps social skills because you have to talk to people. Retail managers give a lot of stupid busy work, but generally the people working there aren’t working all too hard for the most part and if you aren’t strictly a cashier you aren’t either.
I had the same issue not too long ago because I always just fall out of contact with people because I’m busy and don’t really wanna be social most of the time, and so I did this. I met two guys who are now what I consider pretty good friends, and I think they also needed some friends. We started by going to waffle house after work and now we hang out at each other’s places. Having at least one friend can lead to a lot of other opportunities for friendship, you just need that one way in to the social sphere. I think three is the perfect amount because if you run out of shit to talk about someone will pick up the slack and get another conversation going again.
Tldr: get a retail job with the strict purpose of meeting people. It’s more casual than clubs or interest groups, and you’ll see them at least once or twice a week.
Don’t know how much this would help but I’ve read something on the lines of:
“You make friends when both of you are in the pursuit of the same thing” and are willing to talk to one another about it. You can build it from there.
Others have given ideas as to what the thing/hobby/activity can be.
Its not always easy to create or find happiness yourself as people think. Some people have been injured inside of them, they have had very bad bitter expereinces that wont just let them create happiness for themselves.some of them are even melancholy temperament which means they find it very hard to come out of their inner zones. So its not that easy. Thats why everyone was born from or into a family.if it was easy to create happiness alone or be happy alone then people would have entered the world alone without a family.no matter what you think you still need people or a friend or a person to find happiness. Thats why you need a counsellor to talk to. That will help you so much instead of getting you mind stressed out by overthinking how to deal with the situation yourself.
How about you stop whining and get some mothet fuckin bitches.
I feel for you and I want to leave advice for a way j made friends that may not be the healthiest since it’s not fa e to fave but I find it works if you enjoy games and out time in. Pick up an MMORPG, I highly suggest Final fantasy 14, the community is made up of generally more agreeable people but any game will do. Once you learn the basics and find out if you think you can enjoy it begin looking for a guild with a big but cosy number of people around 20-40, just join one and occasionally talk to people and try and take part in things with them.
I can’t promise how everything will work out but you may find some real friends who you can talk to whenever you please. Otherwise I truly wish you luck and I would never say no to a chat on here if you needed one. The loneliness won’t be forever, just keep doing your best (and I’ll do the same).
it’s hard to give any concrete thoughts about this bcos this narrative comes solely from your side. you might want to check out this post and see if it benefits your social life?
https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/kqaiow/if_you_think_you_are_boring_read_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I feel like where you live has a big factor on your opportunity to meet people. You might want to change where you live. If you Google areas you might want to live that you can find work in, maybe its time for you to move. I know many people that got a change of scenery and met new people with different perspectives. Regardless of where you live in the world, I recommend doing things that improve yourself and show drive and ambition. I workout all the time, constantly progressing to my career, and choose hobbies that push myself and allow me to meet people i would want to be friends with. That drive will make you more focused on yourself which can indirectly improve your mental well being and potentially find people that are like minded with you. Idk if that helps but I hope you succeed mate.
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before going into action and apply any of the tips you read from here, ask yourself this; given the choice, would you want to hang out with yourself?