Lucky us, my SO caught the flu last week. Somehow it evaded the rest of us (myself and three children under 6). We made the decision to keep her quarantined while I do single parent duty and finish Christmas prep, while also sleeping on the couch in the family room – comfy enough for a nap, but definitely not a bed. We did this to protect Christmas for our kids – it’s a huge family holiday and they love it. As timing stands now she’ll be in the clear with days to spare – BUT if one of them starts showing symptoms at this point… it’s scrapped. And that would crush them.
Initially it was smooth sailing, until she realized that quarantine meant a lot more than just two days (shes slowly started masking and moving through the house some while they’re at school then end of day I heavily disinfect everything before they’re home). She keeps slipping – “forgetting” her mask, getting way too close to the kids (like right up hovering over them), not washing her hands right after coming out of her quarantine room before touching all over the kitchen. On top of that, she’s constantly taking the frustration out on me – passive aggressive mocking me for not sleeping in bed with her, rude comments whenever I come into our room to grab clothes out of my closet etc.
She’s not trying to be defiant – she agrees with what we’re doing and says she would never forgive herself if she ruined their Christmas irresponsibly. But between her forgetfulness which leaves me almost fathering her (a role I feel so uncomfortable with) and her angry/mocking comments when she needs to release frustration I’m just burnt out.
I get it – quarantine sucks, especially right at Christmas. But so does being on solo duty for a week straight, sleeping on a couch where I can’t manage to sleep more than 5 hours a night, while also caring for her with a happy face so she doesn’t feel like a burden (bc she’s not one, but thank god symptoms have finally diminished), and taking care of what’s left of Christmas.
But what REALLY sucks is to feel like she’s more against me than on my team, in a decision we made together no less. She’s making my days harder than they already are, through intentional actions – not her sickness.
5 comments
Cut her some slack, the flu is awful, it’s not just a cold. That said if your kids are still going to school they could catch something. I get it’s tough for you, but it’s only a week, some people have to single parent 365 days a year.
You’re stressed and tired, and she’s ill and probably feeling alienated. If she’s normally a loving and reasonable partner, I would bear in mind that this is temporary and a lot of people show their ass under certain stressors like sickness and family holidays.
You don’t necessarily have to let it go if you feel disrespected by her, but it may be more constructive to have a conversation with her about all of this when you’re both in better frames of mind and more receptive to each other’s point of view. I’m giving this advice under the assumption that you’ve tried talking with her about this already and it hasn’t gone over very well.
When your kids get the flu, and they will despite your best efforts, all of this stress will be for nothing. She’s a grown ass women. Family members get each other sick. That’s life. You sound like you have OCD.
I would LOVE if my husband quarantined me for a week and took all the duties of the household. Dream come true! I had covid and continued parenting as usual.
Once your fever is gone x 24 hrs without the aid of Tylenol ect, you are no longer contagious 3-4 days tops… for the flu… if she’s feeling better, no fever, it’s fine… I’m a nurse…and work Covid too!