My bf has something planned for his bday, which will be some jump dome thing. I’m socially really anxious and nervous and an opportunity to get closer to his friends that isn’t a party or bar or concert thing or smth other loud with a lot of people is pretty rare so i was relieved and motivated to join. But now he changed plans and the group is supposed to go to a bar after the jump dome thing.
Mind you, i have been at a bar before, with a couple of his friends, he knew i was anxious and he made it so we only stayed for about half an hour to an hour. But still, i had an anxiety attack before and was feeling hella awkward the whole time. That was my first experience, so now i’m kind of panicking because it’s his bday celebration, i wanna join, but at the same time, going to a bar for an unknown amount of time in another city and then having to sleep at one of his friends places doesn’t sound fun to me at all. It’s very humiliating and embarrassing to me to even feel this way and i don’t know what to do honestly. Any advice?
3 comments
This one is tough. Social anxiety is real but you also want to be a supportive partner. I have suffered from similar situations.
What helped me a little was knowing my partner needs this as much as I need my solitude. Also, it may help to plan something (by yourself or with your partner) immediately after, so during the trip you can be looking forward to something. Something small, Something that brings you comfort. For me, it would be a night of ordering food in and binging some stupid tv show from the 90’s in bed…
First of all, there’s nothing wrong with not feeling comfortable in a loud bar. If it’s not your thing, it is what it is.
With that said, consider trying to have fun with the awkwardness. Lean into your silly side. You mentioned that you feel “humiliated” and “embarrassed.” That tells me you are likely focusing too much on what other people think.
Focus on having fun. Be silly. Engage in the conversations. Nod along, smile, laugh. You don’t even have to talk. You can just smile and be part of the group without feeling like you have to talk.
I’m an introvert and don’t love being in big groups. There are times when I don’t talk much in groups. My friends will ask if I’m ok and I just chuckle and say, “ya…sorry. I’m just a quiet person.” Which is true. And honestly, fuck them if they think I’m weird. I am who I am. You get to be who you are…unapologetically.
You feel this way – that’s reality, no need to be embarrassed about how your mind reacts to stuff. You’re not alone, many people suffer from this kind of issue.
I think it’s a good idea to challenge your anxiety sometimes, do terrifying shit and realize you actually didn’t die from it. Like, it’s scary when everyone is looking at you, but choosing to be scared is actually being brave.
More practically: talk to one of his friends who sits next to you. You don’t have to provide much to the conversation at first, just ask that person open-ended questions about what they’re interested in. It’s okay if it doesn’t flow well at all, the conversation could even be shitty, just keep asking open-ended questions to make them feel heard. After a few minutes at least one person might feel a little more “safe” to you, and you can go from there.