I (34M) came home today with questions from my wife (33F) about specific posts I made. Nothing was anything I wouldn’t tell my wife, but it felt like an invasion of privacy.
I know it is there for anyone to see, but I didn’t think she was looking through my every post. I have always been hesitant to post or reply, but now I feel like I cant post anything.
I’ve never had a burner account for anything, and don’t plan to start one now.
Any ideas of how to get over this?
PS: Hey Honey
Edit: To clarify, I’m not hiding stuff from her, we have great communication. The specific post she asked me about was a reply to a post on if a guy must have cheated if he spent a large sum of money at a strip club. I just replied that it’s not uncommon to spends lots of money and get nothing. That I know one guy who spent 3k for a night and only got lap dances. My wife know about the bachelor party and the strip club and the total bill, but didn’t know about one person spending that much and wanted to know who spent that much. And it’s a freinds of my little brother, someone she met once, so telling her who wasn’t a big deal. It was that I came home and it was hey babe … Who spent 3k at your bro’s bachelor party?
40 comments
My wife and I check out each other’s comments.
I couldn’t care less what she posts, nor does she care what I say
“Babe I promise I’m not jerking off to r/dragonsfuckingcars again you don’t have to look just trust me babe I promise”
It’s not really an invasion of privacy because it’s all public, even if you feel like it is. That’s something you have to remember. I think a lot of people, if they noticed their SO posted here they would read through all their posts to see what they were saying. For one, pure curiosity, but another reason to see if there are issues raised that you have not talked with her about yet that she wants to be made aware of to work through them and resolve them with you.
You said you won’t make a burner account so you will either have to tolerate your wife in the same public space as you, naturally looking at your stuff, or don’t make posts about issues or save them in a diary.
I would love it but then I mostly answer question and don’t reveal that much about me. I’m also very open in my relationship.
I routinely send her screenshots of what I post, but not every time of course. I’m sure if she saw everything she would sometimes think , wtf? But that’s just fodder for conversation, NBD
It’s so weird the spectrum with people that care about privacy and people that don’t. Like I don’t care if my girl goes through my things because I like openness and transparency but if I go through hers It’s like I killed a kitten and ate it.
I used to scroll thru my bf posts but I can only take so much arguing with online strangers about sports.
The ps bey honey is killing me 😂😂😂 if it’s generic stuff leave it, for more personal or questions along the lines of my wife likes flowers, what should I get as a bday gift or anniversary gift for her, do that on a private account, I personally believe this is the way, public for generic stuff like asking someone what it’s like to live in Qatar, and private for the specifics
What makes you feel like you can’t post anything? Do you feel like your wife is judging your…taste in sci fi novels? I feel like your post history is so… normal lol. I can understand how it would feel a little weird, but I would just try to keep doing you. Post if you wanna post, don’t worry about what your wife is thinking about it, if it does come up again in conversation take it as an opportunity to have a solid conversation with her about something that you care enough to post about online. Could she just actually “like you” and be trying to get a better feel for what you’re interested in or do you feel as if she is trying to use your post history against you?
My bf would be like “Oh so you can give your opinion on any topic you choose and people are actually asking for it, this must be heaven for you” and honestly, yes. I also have an amazing man in my life who trusts me and who I trust and I don’t want opinions from redditors on anything so I have no post history, just days of boredom spent here.
She’d probably be like “damn u really have nothing to do at work huh?”
It’s publicly available content. You should expect she and others you may know are reading it.
That I’m a nerd with embarrassing moments in my life but she already knows that
My husband and I have an unspoken agreement to stay off each others Reddit. We both have a right to private thoughts and feelings and deserve a place to express that.
My husband knows my public account and I know his. When I started struggling mentally through some stuff he put me through I made a burner account that I knew he wouldn’t creep. Once he found my second account. Some specific details tipped him off. I immediately deleted that second account and made a new burner (this one).
If you don’t care about her reading anything you’re posting, then don’t change your habits. But yeah comments and posts are public unless you’re sticking strictly to private subs she’s not a member of. That’s the downside to social media. Others can see your activity. It’s not like she’s doing anything wrong or unethical.
If someone knows your account name I just assume they may read your stuff, for any social media. That’s normal imo? Like if she knew your account name through normal means why wouldn’t she go see it, that’s how social media works.
If it worries you I’d try not to hand out your account name in the future though.
I don’t know, I wouldn’t really care. My fiancé has a Reddit but I don’t know what his user is. I haven’t cared to ask because he just talks about sports and watches. I doubt he’d be upset about anything in my history as well. I guess it’s about boundaries. Did she know this is a boundary you have? Did it start a fight with the questions? If the answers are no, I still don’t see why it’s an issue, but you can certainly communicate your feelings and boundaries to her about it moving forward
Edit to add: also important to know why she did it. If she was trying to snoop, that changes things, if she just came across it, that seems innocent enough
Would feel good about it cause I speak well of her
My fiancé and I know each other’s Reddit accounts. It doesn’t bother me tbh. Maybe don’t do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable with them knowing about? For example: don’t comment on naked women / genitalia on Reddit or something like that or talk about hating being married etc. I see it the same as any social media except for it is forum based.
i mean if you’ve shared your username with her and she didn’t have to snoop to find your account i don’t really see what the issue is with her looking at your posts
my wife has known about my account since i made it.
I mean it’s public anyways so why does it matter if she specifically sees it?
Honestly? I’m pretty sure my laptop hasn’t screen saved yet and it’s in the next room to my wife. She can go and read anything on it if she wants. I don’t care.
Well. Gonna be awkward if you’re lying to her so is guest you come clean if you’re looking at porn on here. I found out the hard way and told my man I was NOT okay with him looking at porn on here.
I usually assume people write the real posts to show to their partners, if it goes their way.
I’ve read through your post and comment history too. And I bet a bunch of other people did that after you posted this, to find dirt on you.
Are we all married now? A big happy reddit family? Who brings the pie and who’s getting the potatoes?
Jokes aside, I don’t care if my partner reads my whatever. But my poor partner have to hear about my whatevers first, I like to tell him what I’ve been reading upon or chatting about. It’s not a diary, if you want to hide your thoughts, use a burner acc. Or ask her to not do it again. Communication is fun.
Personally I wouldn’t care, how did she go through it tho. On her phone/account or on your phone/account? If she did it on her own phone then she didn’t do anything wrong, you have it open to the public.
My husband might check mine? Honestly don’t know and wouldn’t mind if he did. I looked at his once when I was bored but after like 10 comments about WoW I tuned out and never looked again.
It’s an open forum, it is not private. What violation of privacy? Lol
My wife knows my account, I have no idea if she reads it, I don’t really care. I don’t think she’d have an issue
Perfectly fine with me. My wife and I know each other’s accounts, share comments back and forth, all good.
Mine does regularly. We frequent a lot of the same subs and we like each other’s commentary because we like how each other thinks.
I would not care because I don’t post things I wouldn’t want my partner to see… if anything I would perhaps be mildly embarrassed for them to realize just how much time I spend on here… but oh well. I would think nothing of reading their posts or them reading mine. I mean… random internet people could be reading every last weird thing I post… definitely better my partner…
I wouldn’t care. He can look at my laptop any time he wants to and knows the password to log in. I know his reddit user name too. He knows I read fan fiction, monster romance novels, and thirst after soccer players. He’s not going to learn anything new from my comments.
“So he spends THAT much on his hobbies? SHEEEEEEEEEEEEESH”
For me, since my job restricts what I can post on social media, Reddit is my one space to fully express my views, talk about my relationship (mostly good stuff) without feeling weird about it, be a little snarky in a way I wouldn’t in “public” and get into dumb internet fights about things, lol. Nothing extreme, but I just like to have somewhere where I’m not being judged (even judged positively) by anyone I know.
In my case, I wasn’t going to tell my boyfriend my Reddit name but told him he could try to figure it out. He found it shockingly quickly based on me describing something I had responded to and him recognizing my writing voice. I was disappointed and was going to delete my account, but he promised not to seek it out/read it so I’ve kept it and I think he’s kept his word despite being curious.
I guess I’m saying that I don’t think your wife did anything wrong at all but I get why it feels weird and I think it would be reasonable to ask her not to look at it? Especially if she’s looked at it already so she’ll know it’s not for shady reasons.
I wouldn’t care if my fiance read through my post history. I have nothing to hide.
My ex would check my post history, make the worst assumption out of what I said and than try to “confront” me about it (not see what I meant just confront/argue).
I didn’t like it and if I get into another relationship I hope the next person is at least going to be more charitable towards me, obviously when you write something anonymously you’re sometimes going to troll, argue or make very poorly argumented statements because you don’t care what strangers think, but your significant other should be able to give you some charity in their interpretation of what you say, especially if it’s a one off situation.
My partner uses Reddit, I think he’s definitely had the passing thought whilst looking at me browsing, “why tf is she always on r/relationship_advice??”
Because we don’t have cable, babe, and I miss Jerry Springer, okay??
I’ve asked my partner not to read my reddit history even though she knows my account name. Honestly I’m more worried about her finding some lame joke or something than anything. I want her to think I’m cool.