I’ve been dating a girl for 3 months and she has a kid 2 years old. She claims she hates the baby daddy and that he’s always been a dead beat. And would barely ever see the kid
As of recently he found out about and and suddenly he’s been asking to see the kid more gave her money for the kid first time. He FaceTimes frequently to talk to the 2 year old kid that doesn’t talk. The other day they were FaceTiming and she went to the basement and talked for over an hour until I got up and left.
He was supposed to take him Christmas evening for a couple days and me and my girlfriend were supposed to go on a trip outta the city for the night. But he said he’s not taking him when he found out about our plans. Next couple days she told me he asked if he can come over Christmas and sleep over Christmas Eve to see the son open his gifts that she got for the son. She asked me and I said im not okay with jt, she told me next day he’s just going to come over for the morning, which I said I wasn’t on with also . And asked if she wanted to spend new years together but me and her already are
I’ve told her and expressed that I don’t think it’s ok. She says I wish you’d trust me. It’s not that I do t trust her I think its disrespectful and outta line. I don’t try to stop the dad from seeing his son. But don’t want my girlfriend and him talking
32 comments
You don’t want them talking….bad news for you. He’s the kids dad and regardless of his motives if he’s trying to be more active in the kids life and she wants that for the kid then they will always be linked. They will always be talking, they have to in order to coparent.
He fucked up with her and when he saw that she moved on he has been trying to get rid of you out of jealousy, my advice is – leave
3 months is not a long time and things like this are just something you’ll have to deal with when dating someone who has a kid with someone else, sometimes you have issues with baby daddy sometimes you don’t
Personally it’s not worth the bullshit, his jealousy is fucking with you and she’s gaslighting you with “i wish you trusted me”
Just leave and find someone else
I hope you see that this relationship is just about over. The daddy has moved back into position, she likes it that way. Her request to have him sleep over is ridiculous. I wouldn’t trust either one of them. Cut your losses and move on.
OP doesn’t have the maturity to be in this kind of relationship. The child’s father will always be in the picture, and you can’t (and shouldn’t) try to change that.
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Yeah sure, mate just leave. It’s only been 3 months, better save youself the trouble. He is trying to get her back by using the kid and she is going along with it.
He’s the father of their kid and the less friction and more communication the better so long as he treats his child well. It’s better for the kid if their is in their life providing he is not a bad guy and is good to his kid. All co-parents have to communicate. There’s no avoiding that? Maybe take things slow since it has only been 3 months and she has a child?
That guy always believed that she’ll return to him and when he saw that she’s moving on, he suddenly wants to get involved in ~~her~~ kids life.
The fact that she’s entertaining him and letting him ruin every plan that you have, says everything. Cut your losses and move on. Once moved on, go completely No contact as she’ll be coming back to you very soon as when he will realise you’re not in picture he will go away again.
To me, her ex sounds controlling because he did not care to be involved until she had a new man (you) in her life. Why is he suddenly acting concerned about the kid now? What was the case for the last two years?
Now he seems to be sabotaging your plans to be alone with your girlfriend by refusing to have his son on those dates.
Of course, it’s one thing to know that he’s going to be around as a figure in her son’s life. But these other commenters don’t seem to understand that there’s a difference between having a civil relationship with the biological father of your partner’s child and him clearly trying to prevent you from being a part of his ex’s life.
If you continue to want to see her, then yes, you’ll need to accept that he will be around to see his child. That said, you and your partner need to create boundaries about what is and isn’t okay.
I think it’s valid to bring up your concern that he’s only showing up now that you are in her life and that he might not have her best interests at heart. I don’t know enough about her side of the situation, but what you say about the ex’s behavior concerns me.
She either invites you over to stay with her and have the guy sleep on the couch or you tell her hes not invited over to the house it’s either one or the other or you’re gone.
My dude, you’re fighting an uphill battle. This is her baby’s daddy. He will be in her life for the next 18 years at the very least. I would be direct with her and tell her this isn’t going to work for you: the constant interaction with her ex and her seemingly new found interest in his involvement in her life.
Speaking to him for over an hour while you’re in the same house?? Now wanting him to sleep over? Yeah, this is done.
It’s over dude. He’s back. You’re out. And when they start with “don’t you trust”… annoys me. No man, i trust actions… and actions speak volumes. Bow out dude, move on. Not worth it.
3 months buddy. Don’t do this to yourself. Relationships are hard enough
I mean its only 3 months so break up before you waste anymore of eachothers time, but might I suggest not dating women with kids.
It sounds like shes being manipulated because she longs for her BD to actually be a part of their child’s life, so she’s seeing his sudden effort as a positive thing and maybe not for what it really is; a power play.
> I don’t try to stop the dad from seeing his son. But don’t want my girlfriend and him talking
This is also only ever gonna make you look toxic, that second sentence will only ever appear to contradict the first sentence. Because they share a child together, as long as he lives he will always be connected to her and vice versa. He sounds like a dead beat, but itll never look good for a new bf of 3 months telling a woman to stop talking to her BD of 2 years. Its an unfortunate situation because the BD doesn’t seem to actually care about being a good and present father, he just sounds like he’s trying to ensure his BM stays single and under his thumb.
It sounds like you were used as a placement card.
Honestly if he’s a deadbeat and magically isn’t she’s probably a lier
mate it over and be happy this is only a 3 months relationship so you will get over it soon believe me if you stay she will soon or later cross a boundaries that will cause you more pain as a clean break up.
Cut her loose. Shes obviously still hung up on a deadbeat who is most likely just looking to get laid again. She wanted you bc youre stable enough to provide for her if he cant. Cut your losses, run while u can.
Thats why you dont date with a single mom … 3 month is not that long time, move on. The dad will be always in your life.
It’s a tough situation. She needs the child support money so she’s trying to play nice, when in fact she should just go to the courts and let them fight it out.
Tell her to go to the courts to sort it out, and not give in to his demands. If she refuses, walk away, because her ex will always get in the middle of you two if she has no backbone.
Your gf has terrible taste in men.
When you date a single mum, you date the whole family. She may not be ready to be in a relationship with you.
your feelings are valid over the Xmas thing but They are parenting the same child. They have to be talking regularly. If you don’t like that don’t get involved with single mothers. Your only 3 months in. Maybe you should break it off for both your sakes
your first mistake was dating someone with a kid
The guy found out about you and all of a sudden started taking an interest in his child. Then canceled taking his child when he found out you two had plans. He doesn’t want her back, he just doesn’t want her to have anyone else in her life.
You’re not out of line to not like the idea of an overnight or that he’s even coming by to watch gifts. He could buy his own gifts and take time with his son.
It doesn’t sound like this woman has very good judgment or boundaries.
Do you know what a door mat is?
She obviously doesn’t respect you or love you at all. If she did, she would be hearing what you are saying and making appropriate adjustments. The baby’s father is also out of line in his requests. It’s unreasonable and unrealistic to expect to come over to your home to spend the night. Even though she says she can’t stand him, she is obviously still in love with him. If she truly hated him like she claims she wouldn’t be so accommodating and doing things like spending hours on the phone in private with him. Her actions very clearly speak louder than words. You should part ways with her and not get tangled up in this. I wouldn’t invest anymore time or energy into this relationship.
Edit fix a sentence
As a speech pathologist that’s concerning if the two year old is not talking ! No, he can come over early in the morning but why does he have to spend the night? That sounds suspicious?!
They have children together so she will have to communicate and put her son first then her. As long as you’re there during his visit, I don’t see any problem. She should be pointing that out to him. If he disagrees, then this ex is AH. So she should tell him NO.
It’s 3 months in, and you’re overlooking what should be clear deal breakers this early in a relationship.
The biggest problem here is your mindset.
Dump her
get out of it. she doesnt know wtf shes doing. you caught in middle and will never end well.