So my boyfriend (20M) and I (20F) are incredibly in love and happy and everything but I cant help but be bothered by this one thing and see if others can relate or if there is an explanation.
I noticed that when my boyfriend and I have sex, he will do a bit of foreplay on me with stimulating my clit and fingering me until i cum. He does a good job and I am happy that he takes his time to do so, it usually only lasts about five or so mins. But when we move to penetration, he will go until he cums and thats all. As soon as he does he’s out of me and cleaning up, kinda just leaving me there. This usually causes me to feel a bit sad, i get a wave of almost a dejected feeling in me. It especially was present when i lost my virginity to him, he came and pulled out and that was that. He didnt offer to help me out or finish me off. And it always kinda feels like by the end of it, thats like the end of our time together and its time for me to go home so we can both sleep.
I don’t know. In one way its like well we both finished which is what matters. But at the same time i’m always kinda left feeling a bit sexually confused because I didn’t get to another climax like my body was prepping for.
Is this normal for guys to do? Since I know many men lose interest in sexual activity after they finish. Or am I kinda right for thinking he is being a bit unfair or oblivious to my needs as well? If anyone has similar experiences or advice or explanations please help a girl out!
7 comments
For men, sex drive completely disappears as soon as orgasm happens. That’s why the usual thing is to get the woman feeling good, hopefully orgasm, before the man sticks it in.
You need to talk to him that what he’s doing isn’t working for you, and after sex you’d like to cuddle more (or whatever you think you need). If you want him to finish you off again, you might use his fingers or a vibrator or something else.
As usual, the main answer here is you need to talk about it with him and let him know.
He’s getting you odd before piv so he doesn’t feel like he has to worry about it after. That’s incredibly unfair. I’d be grateful for the first orgasm too, but then he’s getting your motor running all over again only to leave you hanging after he’s done. That’s not cool. You have to communicate your feelings on this, though.
My recommendation is for him to take a break from piv when he feels like he’s getting close, and get you off again before going back in to finish himself. Or have him use his fingers, or a toy, etc.. Just explain that once piv starts, you’re building your way up to another orgasm only for it to all be halted once he’s done, creating frustration for you.
1.) he probably assumes that girls are a “one and done” like men. He’s finishing you before he finishes, so in his mind he’s probably doing everything right. You’ll need to communicate that would like to keep going/ need more attention
2.) it’s not weird to feel like that after sex. It’s not just about orgasms, you’re getting very intimate with another person. A lot of people don’t like to feel like they were “used” or however you’re interpreting it. Again, let him know how you’re feeling. “Hey babe can you come back to bed and cuddle for a few minutes?” Or whatever you’re looking for. It’s called aftercare and it’s an important part of sex that’s often overlooked. You can talk about what went well, what you liked, or talk about nothing at all. Whatever makes you both feel comfortable.
I don’t think anyone’s doing anything wrong – just need to communicate!
Edit – just wanted to add not everyone feels used after sex either, I didn’t mean to imply that. Just that it’s not an uncommon feeling either and one that can likely be resolved with aftercare/ a concern
Post-foreplay should be a thing.
Just to submerge into the intimacy after release van really keep things going, even if it doesn’t end in doing another round. Imo how wet my wife is after is just jaw dropping and I can’t help but to still be in the mood and tease her a bit. Not like I’m gonna pick up pace or anything to immediately achieve another orgasm for her
For reference, when us guys get a blow job, we don’t want the sensitivity to be over right away, sensualness afterwards can just make it last that much longer. (Can even be the big difference between a great blow job and an ok one)
Therefore, why not just spend a little time kissing her chest and neck while enjoying the slippery results. There should be some sort of coast down period after all your hardwork.
You seem to already know what the most probable reason is. Did you talk with him about it yet?
Need to communicate with him out of the bedroom. Hard for me to answer because I’d keep doing stuff, but my wife is not a cuddler. So after I blow she goes to clean up and pee. And puts her pajamas on. This is why I will usually try to get her off before PiV too. Maybe he had a relationship similar to this before? Definitely talk to him about it though since it’s bothering you.
It sounds like you haven’t voiced this to him, you probably should. If he doesn’t know, and you never tell him, nothing will change.