Me (19f) and my girlfriend (19f) have been dating and physically intimate for little over a year now. At the beginning of the relationship, I was very open to sex and e-sex, and rarely turned down an invitation. Our relationship is long distance, so e-sex has become a way for my girlfriend to feel physically close to me when they are away. We meet up once every 1-2 months for around 3-4 days, and that’s when we take time to be physically intimate. I love my girlfriend, and they don’t do anything during sex that I dislike or am repulsed by. I very much think this problem is an internal one than something wrong with our relationship, but either way I’ve been having sudden bouts of sex repulsion that lead to me feeling extreme guilt and anxiety. We opened up the relationship to be poly, which has greatly decreased my guilt around my sudden low sex drive and has even brought us closer, but tonight I just broke down crying when my girlfriend attempted to initiate e-sex. All of a sudden I got washed over with a nasty feeling of guilt and repulsion, and I don’t know why.
Has anyone else had this problem? Could it be a sign I’m asexual? How do I fix this?
3 comments
Maybe its something psychological? Some repressed memory or sth that came up and is unpleasant?
I gotta be honest, you said they about a gf, and you are telling me this is a poly and whatever else relationship so i have no clue what could work as these relationships are ones ive never seen last very long so i have absolutelly no experience with what makes that good. But having bad memories can be a thing always.
Or maybe you just lost feelings to her
Maybe the in person stuff brings you so close and you were not used to it.
Or perhaps the separation and distance was a different fantasy situation and the in person is different and not as fun..
Maybe you aren’t into them as much in real life.
Do you feel like you might have some general anxiety in life?
I have come to understand that I have issues surrounding anxiety in recent years and having worked with a therapist more recently, I have started to identify thought patterns and behaviours related to this.
It’s quite eye opening where I have been able to connect the dots in this respect.
I have the same repulsion feeling occasionally when it comes to thinking about sexual activities. It does affect my ability to react in a way that I’d consider reasonable when it comes to both initiating and receiving advances.
Might be something to consider. Maybe it’s some sort of subconscious coping mechanism that kicks in when you’re consciously trying to be receptive.