TLDR: I get very different treatment from a friend in my trio friendship, we know each other for 9 months. Same with the other friend. She gets all the respect and I always get disrespectful behavior towards me from that friend, she said something that hurted me but she doesn’t know. I try my best to spend time with them with a very busy schedule but when I do, she would say I’m just not trying hard enough. She would rant or complain in the group chat everyday and I reply to it, but she’d ignore me or those texts. I don’t know what to do about this.
So, I have this 2 friend now, one of them (we’ll call her K) is from my last trio group that broke. And we found another person and we formed another trio, but throughout these trios, K always gave me a weird feeling
Sometimes, she’d be so kind and wants to chat with me, but most of the times especially nowadays, she’d throw a bunch of ranting text into the group and I’d reply as always, but she’ll ignore what I said, she’ll text some other things in the same group chat and ignore me like she couldn’t see what I said
Sometimes she rant about stuff and I try my best to like really give her validation or maybe try to comfort her, but either she’ll ignore me or she’d just give me a weird attitude like “yeah lol”, you get what I mean? I am pretty sure I didn’t say any bad things at all, I always think long and hard to even reply in the group..
And sometimes we all 3 would have a conversation and I get ignored too. But if one of them said the same thing, they’d get reaction from each other. Like am I really just shouldn’t be there at all??
Another thing made me think that they hate me is that, every Saturday we would try to play some games. My computer is really old and slow, and I always have work, and I’m always tired because of my health issues. Due to timezones I would wake up at 1am to play with them too, despite being so sick the next day (I don’t tell them at all, they’ll say I am just trying to find excuses)
And sometimes I say I’m tired, I need to sleep, really. I’ll play next time. They would say all these things, saying I’m not trying hard enough and just don’t care much about them, or if my computer is loading really slow, K would say I should just buy another computer, and kind of be sarcastic about it whenever these is mentioned. Like.. I’m trying so hard, I just want to be understood. I work the whole week from 9 to 6, and I barely have time for myself. And I can’t even afford my lunch. I spend time with them, and I try my very best to do what makes them happy, at least I think it would. But K would dismiss my texts in the group chat and never ask how I am, or never care how I am, and say that I’m just not trying hard enough.
But I am trying so hard..
But when K talk to the other friend, she would have this basic respect and seems happy to talk to her.
Am I the problem?? Really? Due to issues I can’t verbally speak right, and they seems so happy when they speak to each other and joke around. But when I’m there, when they’re speaking to me, they either just quiet or they’ll just make fun of me and say hurtful things like “definitely not trying enough” when I say I am really trying to squize out energy to play with them. I don’t even rant in that group chat or complain everyday like K does. I just keep all these trouble to myself but yet I am still feeling so alone and I feel like they just don’t like me.
I’m just so upset at this. Someone, if you’re reading this, thank you and please let me know your thoughts. I swear I am 100% honest here and I am sure I didn’t do anything to piss them off or be a jerk to them. I tried my best to have compassion and respect boundaries and not make insensitive jokes and communicate clearly. I just don’t understand.
5 comments
K sounds like an asshole, treating the other friend nicely all the time and you rudely? At least try to be respectful. I agree, K clearly prefers your other friend and (from what I gathered) and tries to get attention from them and when you reply they brush you off because that’s not the response they wanted. Also, your friends saying that you don’t try hard enough to hang out with them: Do they ever try to accommodate to your schedule, or try to understand why you can’t hang out together (* AT 1 AM WHILST YOU HAVE A FULL TIME JOB *)? If they don’t have to mess up their days due to timezones, I don’t see why you would have to either. That’s really dismissive and I think you should make them more aware of your situation if you want to keep a better relationship, although blaming things like that on you sounds like a huge red flag to me. Sincerely I hope things work out for you, whether that means having to drop the friend group of they realise and improve
I forgot to mention that, they always say those things to me and then laugh or just say it like a joke. At first I forced myself to make it funny or go along, and now it hurts each time.
Seeing your post history, it seems you’ve had issues with this same trio before. To me, it looks like they don’t treat you like a friend anymore, even though they might have before. You need to cut them off if they are treating you like this and making you feel this shitty. Also, did you break up with that bf you mentioned a year ago? If not, has that situation improved?
I thing i experienced something similar when i was at your age. I had this friend group, it was very okay for a while. Then there is this bitch, she said something bad about some person i really love so i got angry at first and i start to low key yelled her in front of our other friends. But it was something small in my eye, obviously it was not for her. After that event, she started to act bad to me. But funny thing is we were close friends like even she acts bad i wasnt gettig hurt. I was laughing and even hugging her. I think i didnt realize because she was sometimes nice sometimes not nice. But definetly she started to dislike/hate me. After like a month i started to disturbed by her behaviours. I remember this like i was kinda hurt from her because she was constantly (i think at that point it was bullying) bullying me. What i did is i stopped talked with her which makes her even angrier. And 6 months later, she started to call me and talked like nothing happened.She was inviting me to the places i said i wont join. She was like following me at the mall for no reason.(i was like wtf is she doing ) Then one day she came to me and she said she forgive me and i was like ‘you forgive me for what?’ And she explained why she was angry to me in the past. If she told me before hurting me that would be fine. But at that point i was no intention to be friends with her. I laughed and said ‘oh really ?’ And i though that ‘all its up to you huh ? Our friendship centers your feelings only?No it doesnt work like that’. So i stopped talking to her and she got angry. Well our relationship didnt and at that point. I wish it did end so i didnt have to get in a mess with someone like her.
Well but in the end i didnt like her attitudes so i abandon her like twice. Well if i was in your shoes today, i would ask whats your friend problem ? I would ask specific things that disturbed me. Because there maybe a reason that you didnt realize like what happened to me. If you dont like answer or attidutes whats to point to hang out with her ? You deserve better.
What part is “secretly?”