I (f28) got home from work today to a message from my partner (m32) telling me he was heading into town to pick up his female friend to have over at his for dinner. It caught me off guard and I feel jealous. He’s mentioned her before (they went to a gig together when we first met). He recently told me he loves me and I love him. Things are going well and I do trust him I just wish he’d maybe talked to me about it in person and reassured me. Should I talk to him about it? I know he would feel jealous if I was having dinner with another man. I’m not sure how to navigate this and I want to make sure I respect his freedom but I also wish he’d have considered my feelings more in this situation. He said he’s going to phone me this evening so should I talk to him about it?
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Me personally, I would have invited you as well. Whatever she has to say to me she can say to both of us. I wouldn’t make my girl uncomfortable at all.
Yeah, it’s made me a little uncomfortable. Trust is an incredibly fragile thing. Love on the other hand!
If I don’t see every comment insulting OP for being immature and insecure I’m calling this sub a fucking joke.
But in all seriousness OP that’s a fuck no from me. He is going on a date with another woman. That’s a date. It’s a dinner date. Him telling you and calling her his friend does not make it not a date.
I wouldn’t pull this shit on my wife. I actually have respect for the relationship.
I’m with you. Nothing wrong with having a female friend, having dinner, etc…but the timing, not inviting you or including you, and not giving you a head’s up is sus or at the VERY least disrespectful because he would feel insecure or jealous in your shoes.
I’d draw a hard boundary about this, that you won’t have one-sided trust expectations and behavior that arouses anxiety and puts the burden of wondering on one partner at the expense of another. If he isn’t apologetic and understanding about that, then I’d move on….this isn’t a good sign.
Trust and respect are earned by NOT putting each other in these situations.
You’re being really insecure and controlling. She can do whatever she wants! Seek therapy.
Wait, sorry. You’re a woman saying this about her man so you’re entitled to blah blah blah and something something love languages – reddit
How would you feel if it was a man?
In the absence of any other knowledge, he’s having dinner with a friend. The genitals they possess should be irrelevant.
Any reason why you weren’t invited? Have you met this friend? You need to tell him how you feel. Let him know that this might be a good time for you to meet her, in the relaxed setting of his house.
i would be upset if i hadn’t been invited. i’m friends w one of my exes and anytime he’s in town we get coffee and i ALWAYS invite my boyfriend. the lack of invite and last minute notice (and it being at his HOUSE) gives me bad vibes.
you’re allowed to feel uncomfortable in this situation, but my suggestion is to suck it up and move past it
don’t make a fuss about something you can’t control, you can completely ruin the relationship under false pretenses
if you’re wrong you’ll embarrass yourself, if you’re right and he’s trying to make you jealous he played you like a fiddle
either way, showing insecurity means you lose
he informed you in advance, isn’t doing anything behind your back, and even offered to call you…what else do you want?
Everything you just wrote in this post should be communicated to him. My gf is the same way, she never wants to feel like she gets in the way of any of my other friendships and I really appreciate that about her. That said I sometimes take that for granted and don’t realize how my close friendships with other women make her feel. She recently told me that one of my friendships in particular made her insecure and she had been holding it back for a while. The only thing that upset me is she hadn’t told me sooner how it made her feel. I still have a good relationship with the other women, I just need to communicate and reassure my gf when we do hang out. It sounds like from your post you are being very reasonable with the situation. Tell him you want him to be able to do dinner with whoever he wants, but let him know how it makes you feel when there isn’t communication/reassurance. If your relationship is solid there’s nothing a little healthy communication can’t fix!
To be fair, he did tell you. But I understand feeling jealous. We’re programmed by society to feel suspicious of a man and woman hanging out alone together.
If I were you, the next thing I’d do is start asking lots of questions about her since she seems to be someone important to him. “I’d love to meet her!” “She sounds cool, does she have an IG?” “Was everything okay? I felt a little left out, but understand she might have had something personal going on”.
Also, at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with saying “hey, I don’t mean to sound needy or anything but I feel a little prickly about this and could use some reassurance…”
I honestly don’t understand why men don’t make more of an effort to introduce their girlfriends to all of their friends, not just the male ones. Like how hard is it to say, “Hey, I want you to meet my girlfriend. Let’s all grab dinner together.”
Do you know for sure for sure he would be jealous of you having dinner with a guy friend or is this just you projecting? I’m not trying to be rude just trying to establish what is verifiable with previous actions and proof and what might be you projecting your own feelings onto him.
If you have proof that he’s previously had issues with you having dinner with guys, this is called a double standard and he knows what he’s doing by going out with a female friend while not allowing you to do the same with your own friends. This is further known as a manipulation tactic and don’t let it work.
Clear your head, establish if he would actually have a problem with you if the roles were reversed, and let him know how the behavior makes you feel.
Depending on how he responds, you have an answer for how he’s going to treat you moving forward.
It can definitely feel a bit strange having your partner having one on one time with a female friend, especially if you don’t know her. Have you showed interest in meeting her or having a dinner together?
One of my best friends is male and we often go for dinner or beers, just us, even though we’re both in happy, solid relationships. Our partners just know that we’ve been friends most of our lives and are super tight, nothing more than that.
Talk to him, be honest that it weirds you out and that you’d feel better if you knew her better. But I’d try to avoid asking him to flat out not see her anymore, which can come off as insecure. If it starts to feel like they don’t want to include you even if you express that you want to get to know her, that might be a red flag. But try not to let yourself spiral over one dinner.
Damn. I guess everyone is different – speaking to the comments and not OP’s feelings.
I totally understand if this situation might make you feel insecure. But if your partner is loving and communicative, that should soothe your anxiety.
I am a woman and have two super close dude friends. I have spent a lot of time with them one on one over the years. Nothing about it is ever sexual or romantic. We are just people who have common interests and enjoy each other’s company. (For what it’s worth, I spent time with my dude friend’s similar to how I spend time with my female friends. They’re just people). I also would never have a close friendship with a guy like this while dating someone else if I had even an ounce of romantic feelings for them.
None of my boyfriends have ever had an issue with my dude friends. It’s probably partially because I date secure people who aren’t jealous. But I also openly communicate with them about my friendships. They have met my dude friends and have spent time with them, and I never hang out with them in a way that is shady. I mean, I might have dinner with them alone sometimes. But for the most part I’d invite my boyfriend if he is around. And if he’s not I am very open about my plans etc.