i’ve been in a relationship for 2.5 years with someone (19f) who i love dearly. we argue from time to time and disagree but overall we’re stable. im in love with her and she’s also my best friend. but i keep getting this lingering thought of having experience with other people. i’ve been with her for a while so i haven’t had any other experience. im bisexual and im very attracted to men but i’ve never tried anything with men. im also going to university next year and i don’t know if i want to be tied down to her. i feel like im straddling the line of what’s morally correct with these thoughts and i keep rejecting guys i find attractive but still thinking what if. i want to be with her, but i don’t want to never know what it feels like to be with a man. im also scared to hurt her if i leave. i know she’s been depressed lately and i don’t want to make it worse. im at a loss.
tldr: i can’t choose between being with my girlfriend and having experience with men
edit: for some reason i can’t see anyone’s comments even though i’m getting notified on my phone that people are commenting. i really want to see what everyone has to say so please message your comment to me if you can. thanks.
6 comments
You are young, so I see your dilemma. But this is the time in your life before you commit for good to explore. I would start talking to her about it a little bit.
This is probably not the answer you want but it is the one you need.
Do not wait around for your mind to change. Take the risks to change it yourself. You will always hurt people one way or the other and love is always the risk of being hurt. So rather than trying to avoid hurting people, do it the honest and proper way by opening up about who you really are and what you really think.
I am bi-sexual myself and i stayed in a heterosexual relationship through a time of me discovering my needs and wants and i made us both miserable in the longrun with it.
Learn from my mistake and do the right thing for you. You know deep down what it is, just listen to yourself every once in a while. You will be alright and so will she, sooner or later. Forgive yourself your thoughts because you have done nothing wrong. Judge yourself by your actions and not your intentions and hold others to the same standard. Life will be just a bit easier this way.
Be honest about what you want and need. Act responsible and own mistakes but most importantly, allow yourself to be selfish enough to stay happy.
This is your first relationship, not your last one. I agree with your thoughts on starting university as a single person. It is better to start your college life untethered to your high school life back home.
You are young. Live your life and don’t let anyone hold you back. If you’re not satisfied with this relationship, end it in the kindest way you can. Tell her you care about her and enjoy her but you’re too young for a serious relationship and you want both of you to be free to grow into who you’re becoming.
You’re 18 and deserve to explore yourself more. If you two are meant to be, you will eventually find your way back to each other. Don’t deny how you feel, but be open, honest, and caring when you communicate this to her. Coming from a 30 year old, life goes by quicker than you think. You deserve to be true to yourself.
You are young. This is your time to explore. Also, it might make her even more depressed to know you aren’t fully happy with her. It’ll feel really disappointing for her to know she’s just holding you back. It’ll hurt but we all hurt people unintentionally. You guys will grow and change so there’s really no guarantee you’ll be together forever anyway.