Hi everyone. This is exactly as the title sounds. I 27F went through my boyfriends 27M phone because I saw an unfamiliar girl was snap chatting him multiple times. It turns out he sent her explicit pictures/selfies and asked her for nudes. I saw everything. He was also supposed to go meet up with her to hook up and blew her off which was why she was snap chatting multiple times pissed off. I’m just crushed I never would have expected this from him. When I confronted him he screamed at me for going through his phone, smashed a gaming chair in front of me when I told him I was moving out, and kept saying he was doing the right thing by ignoring her. His excuse was that we were fighting and I don’t have sex with him enough. I just can’t believe he would put me through this. After I put so much work into taking care of our son, working full time, and doing all the housework, I am exhausted and barely in the mood anymore. Plus he has been arguing with me about so many random things ever since we moved out. Over something as small as me accidentally getting his boots wet to not getting him up on time for work. I’m in such a hard position to leave too because we have a house together and I don’t have anywhere else to go right now. He wants to work things out but I simply do not trust him and I don’t even know if I can look at him the same. He claims everyone goes through something like this/gets cheated on but that does not sound right. I just feel so trapped and alone.
41 comments
He’s gaslighting you. He’s a cheater, he got caught, and he showed you who he really is. Listen to what his actions are telling you.
I think you already know this, but you need to unravel your finances, figure out how to protect your child, and leave this clown.
You are trapped and alone because you are allowing yourself to be trapped and alone…Lawyer, job and new place. Things are just gonna get worse otherwise , look at what you are allowing right now. You can bet its just gonna escalate.
It’s probably not the first time he’s done something like this and it won’t be the last time either.
Cheaters cheat, once that door is open it’s always open and it’s easy for them to go through.
You deserve better. I know it’ll be hard but you have to leave him, it only gets worse from this point forward.
You mean your Ex-Boyfriend right?
Make 2023 the year of new beginnings and assign him and his drama to the trash
He is not your boyfriend, you are a place holder for him
You deserve more than that. Move on and find someone who loves you
There is no reason to go back. He cheated. He already went there once, he will do it again and again. His thought process that everyone cheats is wrong. It’s not true. There are lots of people that stay faithful to their partners even if they feel like their needs are not being sufficiently met.
Not only that but he got physical with a chair. That is scary. I’m glad you and your son are okay. His behavior is alarming. I would close that door and move on. The finances etc will work itself out. You deserve a partner in life that will worship the ground you walk on and not do these things to you.
Get yourelf & child situated & then plan an exit.
Don’t you move out. Kick HIM OUT. END IT. He has no excuse for his disgusting behavior!
Also, you’re NOT HIS GODDAMNED MOMMY OR ALARM CLOCK! He is an adult and he needs to get his ass up for work ON HIS OWN!
And no, not everyone goes through this! He is gaslighting you to make his cheating seem less terrible than it is! Do NOT move past this. When he goes to work, pack all his shit up and throw it outside. Text him that he’s kicked out and needs to find a new place to live because you won’t abide a cheating piece of shit!
>He claims everyone goes through something like this/gets cheated on but that does not sound right
Ask him how many times you cheated on him. Or better yet, tell him you would be getting in the apps now, since cheating is apparently so common.
>He wants to work things out but I simply do not trust him and I don’t even know if I can look at him the same
And your instincts are correct. I am sorry it had to be this way but it’s time to breakup up and file for custody arrangement. Tell him to go somewhere else so you can have some time to think. Once you do, reach out to a trusted friend or family member to help you with this. Good luck OP
POST BREAK UP GLOW UP
You’re already working full time, doing all the childcare and housework. I suspect you also do all the emotional management. It will be easier without having to manage his shit, too. Consult a lawyer about evicting him and custody of your child, etc., and know it won’t be as exhausting. Broken hearts heal; if we buy his utter bullshit that everyone goes through this? Fine. Whatever. But no one goes through it more than once. Except you, if you stay. That isn’t an indictment on all cheaters, but it’s a certainty about this one.
If he went through all that he had every intention on cheating… just saying. He will again as soon as he feela he can get away with it again.
At this point-you should start referring to him as your “EX-BOYFRIEND”…Dump Him sis.
I’ve read this exact post before.
What value is he? Really?
Not his first time, I’d bet $20.
Everyone gets cheated on? So if you cheated on him, he’d want to work it out?
You don’t need to raise 2 kids. Leave. He’s a loser who will never change.
Reminds me of my mother asking me …. if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? He’s full of shit.
He’s being an ass and giving you a very
Good view of your future with him.
*ex-boyfriend
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
Been married 24 years to a faithful man, never had this issue.
So he is wrong no not everyone goes through it, only those with unfaithful partners do.
This is why you don’t choose to make babies or buy houses with abusive pieces of shit like this guy. It’s really hard to get out.
For some reason, this letter seems off to me, like it’s a writing exercise and not a real story. But in case it’s real: call the Domestic Violence Hotline ([https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)) and get them to help you in making a plan to exit this relationship safely. Call on friends/family/coworkers: whoever is supportive.
He needs to be your ex boyfriend
No the relationships is mostly over. I would figure out how to get out of the house, and get on your own. You will never be able to trust him….Sell the house, and move out.
Hes a cheater and willing to break property he was showing you what he wanted to do to you in that moment. Dont give him any grace and gtfo asap.
Cut his ass loose,
He’s for the streets.
OP, he’s emotionally abusing you while using you as his mother and maid. Get the hell out. At best he’s never going to change. At worse he’s going to get worse. You need to leave not only for yourself but also goe your son.
Contrary to what people believe, the stats actually show that a slim majority of people who cheat, don’t cheat again. It’s still a high number, above 45% if I recall correctly but it is more likely than not that a cheater will not cheat again.
That being said, a cheater that immediately blames you, takes no responsibility, expects praise for not going through with it in the end, and most importantly of all reacts with violence? I suspect pretty strongly that he would beat the odds and cheat again, and even if he didn’t, he certainly doesn’t seem particularly interested in making you happy, caring for you or treating you with respect.
You work full time and do all the housework. You can do that on your own, and will be better off for it. Eventually, you might find someone who is actually helpful, respectful, kind and who treats you right. Then you will get the good sex again too.
I can’t read all that without paragraphs. But, all I need is the title, and I’ll spell check your boyfriend to ex-boyfriend.
Put him in the bin.
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Don’t buy his gaslighting. He’s a manipulator and it sounds like he may be abusive as well. Braking a gaming share in front of you out of anger is aggressive and violent.
>When I confronted him he screamed at me for going through his phone
Same with my ex
>His excuse was that we were fighting and I don’t have sex with him enough
That can be his excuse all he wants but it’s not the real reason. The reality is as long as he makes excuses for himself he will cheat again, I can guarantee it. Don’t go back to someone who will continue to make excuses for themselves to cheat.
>Plus he has been arguing with me about so many random things ever since we moved out.
My ex was the same. He was cheating. He was upset and angry all the time because he is having unaddressed mental health issues and looks for sexual validation instead of addressing them. It becomes a vicious cycle of feeling shitty about his decisions, about himself, and worst of all about you for not being able to save him. He will endlessly seek that validation and it will never be enough. He has shown that he will blame you for his problems before he will ever take responsibility for himself. You don’t need that shit, it is not your fault and it’s not your responsibility and it is not even within your power to fix his problems.
>He wants to work things out but I simply do not trust him and I don’t even know if I can look at him the same. He claims everyone goes through something like this/gets cheated on but that does not sound right
Girl don’t do it. A year from now you will be happily far away from this man, he’ll be cheating on and neglecting his next girl, and you’ll be so glad you trusted yourself and didn’t waste another second with him. You will thrive without him. Don’t waste anymore time trying to fix someone who has no intention of fixing themselves.
Your ex boyfriend?
Leave when you can.
He’s a liar and a gas lighter.
He attempted to hook up with another girl and now he’ saying it’s your fault!
Tell him to leave. You have a child so you need to stay. He needs to pay child support & he needs to get the fuck out.
Marry him!
He isn’t your bf anymore
He’s defending himself? Everyone cheats? He threw a big violent tantrum to get you to shut up? He sounds awful.
Stop doing this cheater’s chores and stop waking him up. He’s on his own. He wants to work this gs out either because of your child, or he has a good deal with the benefits you provide while he’s free to cheat.
Tell him to start therapy on his own if he wants to work things out. You’re fine—he’s the AH cheater.
Make him Krantz e the house not you.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.
Your what? Your EX-boyfriend, right? Right?