I have opinions about things in general but I can’t make a convincing argument when I try to talk, because I keep thinking “what should I say right now???!?!?!” rather than the actual topic itself. Recently I’ve been debating with a friend of mine and she argued that “extreme” leftist people defends pedophilia by labeling it as sexual orientation. I said that this is not what real leftism is and we started to argue about what is left and what is right and stuff like that and I got anxious quickly. I kept blurting out short meaningless sentences or started to stare blankly, so many things were running off in my mind but I couldn’t form them into something meaningful and got straight to point. My friend got mad after a while and started to talk angrily. I got irritated by her way of speaking and ended the conversation, it was very unpleasant.
This was my most recent experience but this is a recurrent thing in my life. This just does not happen when I am argue. Sometimes I blurt out meaningless sentences out of the blue and since my way of speech is meeky, people respond to me with” I can’t understand you.” . This makes me extremely mad and I don’t know how to solve it. Plz help 🙁
2 comments
In order to argue effectively you need to keep a level head. Stick with facts, which you can research and keep in your arsenal. Confidence can come from knowing what you are talking about and having the data to back it up. Like anything, it comes with practice.
But I will say this, you will not “win” an argument against someone who is not willing to discuss things at the same level and consider something outside their scope of knowledge. Especially when it comes to politics and religion people are entrenched in what they believe is true and will not move from that stance. It is often better to avoid those subjects completely, or end the friendship if the viewpoints are harming your relationship.
In order to speak with less meekness, you need to work on finding your voice. Also, people need to be prepared or aware that you are about to speak– wait for cues like a break in conversation, eye contact… If you blurt things out of the blue, people may not be ready to listen to what you have to say or their attention may be elsewhere. Also it may come across as disruptive, and purposefully ignored.
Say your words with a purpose and in order to contribute, add, drive the conversation. People have a tendency to disregard what others say if they deem it nonsense all the time.
Also know that at times people will not want to listen to you, no matter how confident you are.
Stop thinking of these exchanges as ‘arguments’ and think of them as conversations in which you don’t have to convince anyone of anything.