My wife received this little nugget from my asshole Father in law [https://imgur.com/a/GVF4hse](https://imgur.com/a/GVF4hse)
All because this year we decided to not go anywhere with our four kids. We wanted to stay home, however we invited everyone over at anytime they’d like. Also we told them in SEPTEMBER this was our plan.
How should I proceed? I’m in protect mode with my wife and I’m resisting all temptation to lash out. Advice?
UPDATE: We’ve ultimately decided to ignore the comments and continue on with out families holiday activities. However, it’s done some damage to my wife and she’s ready to let go of the strong hold. Thank you everyone. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!🎄🎁
12 comments
You should let your wife handle her parents. If you lash out, I promise one day it will be held against you and you’ll be the bad guy.
But stick to your plans and support your wife the best you can in this situation.
I’m sure this isn’t the first and only time he’s acted this way.
Who is your FIL referring to in the blacked out portions? Your wife or you?
We started this tradition maybe 18 years ago & it’s been the best.
We go where we need to for Christmas Eve, but on Christmas Day, we are home (usually in our jammies). We order trays of food and anyone is welcome to stop in at anytime for as little or as long as they want to. And if someone doesn’t come, we don’t hold it against them.
Holidays have always been stressful for me, trying not to insult anyone by alternating sides to spend it with.
Don’t let your spouse be guilted, enjoy your Christmas at home with the kids!
Proceed by saying/doing nothing and just staying the course.
It’s not your wife’s or your responsibility to manage the poor reactions of others. You guys set a boundary and her family refuses to respect it. Don’t capitulate.
There are ways to have healthy dialogues about boundaries but what her family is doing is NOT one of them. They’re choosing instead to be manipulative, guilting, petty, selfish, and mean. All because you set a boundary.
Wow, your FIL is like my dad! Passive aggressive and guilt-tripping when he doesn’t get what he wants when he wants it, and views any deviation from his timelines to be disrespect. Coincidentally he never would send shit like this to my husband and my husband has *conveniently* never been subjected to my father’s shitty comments/bullying. No joke, the attitude adjustment between when my husband is around vs when I’m alone with my dad is stark.
I would leave it alone if I were you (and your wife) and let your FIL tucker himself out with his little tantrum. Support your wife and encourage her to protect herself and her holiday spirit by putting your FIL on do not disturb. Let the messages flow and ignore. Lean into gray rocking and put your energy into making the holiday really nice.
Don’t respond. Let your wife respond, if she wants to. Your response is to backup your wife.
I’d say screw pride and just say something like, “we still would love for you guys to join us. Please reconsider.”
Then, you’re done. Let them fight that one with each other.
Ignore and block. Don’t give him the attention he is looking for.
Smart move to ignore them. Giving it any attention rewards the bad behavior.
Dude, I did the same thing with my family. Tired of traveling Christmas day with kids. It sucks for all. You stand with your wife period. She stands with you.
Make your wife some cookies with the kids, Christmas music on, and bring her a holiday drink. Show her that you’re dedicated to making YOUR FAMILY HOLIDAY amazing.
Good distractions. Make her home happy.
People who are control freaks, narcissistic, abusive get really angry over other people’s boundaries. Your in-laws can be as mad as they want to be, it is their choice. Stick with your boundaries. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay home with your kids on Xmas.