To give context to this situation, my boyfriend and I have always had a healthy relationship until about 6 months ago. I am a fitness and lifestyle model and he is very insecure about it. He began telling me that I shouldn’t model anymore. I thought that was strange because your partner is supposed to be nothing but supportive. He now accuses me of”posting myself too much on social media” when it’s strictly for business. I do nothing but support him.
He accuses me of cheating and talking to other people constantly. If we are sitting on the couch and my phone is sitting on the table and lights up, it causes an argument. My friends or family could be texting me and he demands to go through my phone all the time. I let him because I have nothing to hide. I love him, I really do. I am thinking he is just insecure because of his past relationships, or is cheating on me. Do I leave him? Or work with him through his insecurities? It’s not fair to me, because I am in constant guilt of thinking I am doing something wrong. What do I do?
12 comments
You leave. Besides being controlling, lack of trust destroys relationships ( which he has clearly demonstrated). Best of luck
I would set a hard boundary and if he violates it over and over again then just leave him. It is his own fault for having paranoia because of his trust issues. To accuse normal behavior is excessive and crossing boundaries. Also what is really messed up is if he is that distrustful, but choose to be in a relationship with someone he doesn’t trust then he is just being toxic. He could just be single if he can’t trust anyone. But the fact he acting accusatory and kind of abusive is getting really toxic.
It’s not your job to ‘fix’ him. Break up.
Why do you want to be with someone who is constantly telling you, “I believe you’re a bad, untrustworthy person who deserves to be treated like crap”?
I am in this situation, and unfortunately right now I cannot leave. We have a child together. You don’t say in your post if you do or not, but if you don’t have children together, please run before you get pregnant. He will not change. It will only get worse.
He’s not insecure. He’s controlling with red flags that this is heading towards abuse. Going through your phone all the time is not normal. Ditch this guy before it gets worse.
You can never convince someone that you’re not cheating if they’re already ready convinced that you are. He’s blaming you for his insecurities but this isn’t your problem, it’s his. If he can’t even admit it’s a problem on his end, then he’ll never fix it. You can’t fix this, he has to put in the work himself.
Leave him. I would never stay with someone who felt so insecure in our relationship that he had no trust and constantly insulted me by accusing me of cheating.
No. Just stay with him a start keep being miserable 😒
Move on! This is controlling behaviour and most likely his insecurity is showing. He most likely boosts his own ego by talking to other women and so then assumes you are doing the same thing and accuses you of it to “throw you off the scent” of his own cheating ways
It’s perfectly fine for him to decide he doesn’t want a gf who is a fitness and lifestyle model. Since that’s what you are he has two choices:
1. He accepts you as you are and trusts you.
2. He breaks up with you so you can both find new partners.
He went for option 3, manipulating you and accusing you of cheating.
If he had simply come to you with his concerns and asked for an honest talk about your work and to see if some boundaries would be neccessary, then would probably be fine since you could give him reassurance. But repeatedly accusing you of cheating just because you’re a model is not OK and in my opinion, that’s a deal breaker.
This isn’t reasonable. This is controlling and abusive.
Yes, leave