As someone with Asperger’s syndrome, I’m curious what the average person has to say about their feelings towards dating people like me, since I have not been told the best of things.

24 comments

  2. Dating on the spectrum (or anything social) is tough. Girls tend give really subtle hints that you won’t pick up instinctively at first. If you can push through the pain of a few (or dozen) awkward dates or stupid insults, you’ll be fine.

  3. I’m literally in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum so yes I would lol

  5. I’m on the spectrum, although mine is likely very mild, and I’ve done ok.

    My best friend is more heavily on the spectrum, and he’s been dating the same girl for like 5 years now

  7. I did date someone on the spectrum and it was a good experience and I learned a lot. We are no longer together but we had a lot of fun and we both helped each other learn a lot about ourselves.

  8. So… I believe I have good perspective to share. I dated someone on the spectrum (he also had Aspergers), and it was an immense struggle towards the end.

    At first I didn’t believe he had anything because he seemed so outwardly “normal”, but when harder issues arose, he didn’t have the emotional capacity or empathy to reassure me or communicate with me about it.

    I never felt like I was truly loved by him, even though I knew he did truly care for me. He never told me he loved me (because he didn’t see the point) and would get increasingly frustrated when I would communicate my needs. He was also rigid and impatient due to his Aspergers.

    The good traits about him were his dependability, integrity, loyalty and responsibility. However, him being unable to empathize made me feel really lonely towards the end.

    Eventually, I felt like I was dying on the inside and losing myself without feeling loved. I’m a very loving, expressive person and we were unfortunately incompatible.

  9. Sure! I’m ADHD and my best friend is on the Autism spectrum. I get along well with both groups 😁

  11. We had a shipmate on my old ship who had a similar level. Dude was a giant to boot so people were terrified. Turns out he was hilarious. Missing most social cues he turned to dry humor as a way to get by and it was great.

    So I guess … if the person doesn’t let being on the spectrum hold down their confidence/self esteem . Then sure!

  12. TBH, knowing what I know now. No. We are no longer friends.

    A friend told me he had mild Asperger from day 2 of meeting him.

    He always used that line of “not aware”. Even when I told him, what is actually happening.

    He is rude, impolite, calling me aggressive/intimadating when I was explaining things to him that he was in the wrong. He also had a lack of “basic manners” and “empathy”. He was also an avid Redditor.

    It drained me as person dealing with this person.

    I know you are not that person. But, if you are having a 2 second delay from comprehending the situation, my word of advice is, if someone is taking time to explain to you what’s happening. They are putting in the effort to include you knowing you don’t pick up on allot of things.

  15. You don’t mention it. That’s not something you bring up until way later or you just don’t ever tell them. Was diagnosed high functioning and with Asperger’s syndrome. Never had too many problems however. I prefer to just keep it to myself because it’s not worth the what ifs.

  16. I’m ADHD and autistic, and I’ve done okay. I’m upfront about it too so I can weed out the jerks from the very beginning lol.

  18. I tried, he just couldn’t handle the love but appeared to cut his love off when he broke up with me, as though he never loved me at all. I’m still confused and hurt because he keeps saying “I don’t know why” when I ask why he randomly stopped loving me after everything seeming to be perfect.

    Would I date one again, it depends on the severity (I’m probably misunderstanding some things, so forgive me if I am) but I probably wouldn’t tbh, I’m too scared they’ll lose feelings for me again.

    That’s not to say that it’s hopeless looking for love but I really would stress open dialogue and communication, it also doesn’t help that I’m an irrationally sensitive person whereas he was completely robotic (his words.) But yeah I wish everyone the best, I personally just didn’t have a great experience so tbh I’m not dating at all anymore lol.

  19. I dated someone with Asperger’s and it was tough, mostly because I don’t know much anything about autism beyond the basic traits. Major problem to me was having rigid/fixated thoughts/black and white thinking whenever problems arise; therefore, communication was even harder. We both ended up being stubborn because I couldn’t understand his thinking and he couldn’t understand mine. In the end, we both got frustrated because we couldn’t compromise. Another thing he struggled was reading social cues (i.e. taking jokes very seriously and overthinking it).

    Overall, I will still date someone who is autistic because I think I know more about the disability now than in the past which will make me more cautious with my words and actions. I felt really bad that I’m very insensitive towards my ex at that time when I should know more about his disability.

  20. Yes, 100% I would. I am on it a little bit (diagnosed Asperger’s) and I suspect my ex was a little, too (she had trouble with figures of speech like “break a leg” *very* occasionally, whereas I did not). My girlfriend isn’t, for reference

  22. I’m suspected autistic too, albeit mild, and I appreciate posts like this, because I’m concerned it will affect my dating. I’ve had gf’s and relationships before and they’ve always been quite intense yet rocky. I think I’m quite disregulated at times but not like severely unstable. I just don’t have a clear view of who I am sometimes and feel flat. I do struggle with social cues though and I don’t really understand flirting or how to do it without coming off as creepy. I can joke “banter” with ladies, understand sarcasm but I’m not smooth enough to flirt. It’s reassuring to see so many positive responses because I thought neurotypicals hated autists. At least the ones I’ve encountered.

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