People with an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned by his loved ones. How do you cope with these feelings?

2 comments

1. The only way I know how to deal with fear in a “healthy way” is in manageable doses. It’s what the cognitive behaviorists referred to as systematic desensitization. Say you have a fear of spiders. So maybe you play with something that’s not actually a spider like a silicone toy. Then you gradually build up to confronting a real spider. Q

   In an everyday sense, there is no coping. You force yourself to confront your fear so it no longer has dominion over you. I’m reminded of the Litany Against Fear from Dune. IIRC it’s what the Bene Gesserit sisterhood recite to themselves in times of fear.

   “I must not fear.
   Fear is the mind-killer.
   Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
   I will face my fear.
   I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
   And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
   Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

2. You need to understand that the more you fear being abandoned, the more likely it will happen. Acting on this fear manifests into neediness, clinginess, desperation, and codependency. Nobody wants to be around somebody who constantly acts like that. Nobody wants to know or be your only social option in life. People want to be around somebody who is confident and respectable and feels worthy around others. Also, these thoughts of abandonment go hand in hand with being idle in life. The more you do nothing in life, the more you are going to think excessively about others. You need to start pursuing hobbies and goals. Be respectable. Chase excellence, not people.

   Also, you are an adult. You have to be able to be on your own and navigate your life on your own. Nobody else is responsible for your life. Nobody wants to be responsible for you either.