(This story is kinda long, but I’ll try to keep as short and direct as possible. Previously posted on other sub, but got no answers)
My best friend and I (we’ll call him “Ned”) have known each other since we were 12. Even though we took separated ways after highschool, we’ve been in contact and sometimes we hang out with others friends, he invites me to videogames tournaments and we chat a lot online. A few months ago, I told him about my sexual identity, and he accepted me as “one of the boys” and helped me to feel safe around his friends (all male), who accepted me as well. Everything was going normal between us, but a few days ago, while we were at a party in his house, I suddenly felt strange around him, I noticed he became a little more handsome since highschool (note: I wasn’t drunk or anything, but I just couldn’t stop looking at him), and for some reason, I wanted to spent all my time there with him, instead of play in the Switch with the other boys or even have dinner. So when the party ended, I went home, and after waking up at 3 am covered in sweat because of a dream I had involving him, I just realized the worst: I had fell in love with Ned.
While I’m a big fan/believer of the “friends to lovers” trope (wheter is in books or in real life), I couldn’t help but feel scared, and not because of me falling in love with him so suddenly, but for one problem around our friendship: Ned accepts me as one of his male friends, but will he accept me as his boyfriend? Or will he rather have a cis girlfriend?
I really don’t know what to do. A friend of mine told me to talk to him about it, or at least try to ask him about his sexual preferences, but I’m too nervous to do so. I don’t wanna ruin our friendship by confessing and then learning he’s not gay/into trans boys, neither I want him to feel disgusted by my feelings or force him to distance himself from me after that. I really appreciate him as a friend, I don’t wanna lose him over my stupid heart’s decisions… Please, someone tell me what to do before my head explodes 🙁
Thank you in advance
TL;DR: I fell in love with my best friend, but I’m scared he won’t accept me for being a trans boy
4 comments
You make no mention that he is flirting with you sexually or has asked you out. That puts you in the friend category, regardless of your and his sexuality. Take a cold shower and gather yourself, before you ruin a great friendship and make it awkward.
>Ned accepts me as one of his male friends, but will he accept me as his boyfriend? Or will he rather have a cis girlfriend?
Who has he dated in the past, boys or girls?
I would assume that he is straight, as that is more common. Even if he is gay, you and he could be incompatible sexually.
I would suggest you just watch and listen for a while how he and his friends all react and talk to each other. See if they ever talk about dating and ex partners.
Honestly, you’re still at the early stages of crushing on your friend (based on the fact that you’ve only actually realized this a few days ago). You don’t actually have to act on it at all.
It’s easy to describe it as “falling in love” with him and therefore, it must means you absolutely love him already and want to be with him forever, but no, that’s not really what it means.
As well, dreams about someone be sexual but it’s not necessarily conclusive that you must be having any kind of sub-conscious lust or desire or love for that person.
You’re crushing on him and you can either feed it and let it consume you or you can hold it back and never tell him or you can even ask him out or confess to him. These are all the typical ways we choose to deal with our crushes.
So figure out what you really want to do about revealing these feelings, and then see if it’ll be something you can actually do or if you just have to hold it back, like many people do who crush on their friends.
Well you have to also see if he swings both ways. The most important thing to consider is would confessing be worth potentially losing the friendship? Crushes can come and go. The attraction you feel now can fade back to regular friendship over time.