My (26F) partner (22NB) have been dating long distance for around 3 years, friends for 5 beforehand. They have a LOT of fictional character crushes, most of them played by real actors, and I just feel weird about it. None of them are anything like me, so I’m clearly not my partner’s type anymore
They’re borderline if not actually sexually attracted to them, and I can’t even get a compliment. I used to get random flirty stuffs or “you’re cute”s but now I got nothing since I’m not aging gracefully (I’ve lost my thighs and butt and have a bad haircut) I don’t wanna say they’re sexually attracted because last they told me they identified as ace, and this isn’t really something I can ask.
On that vein, I am asexual so I’m glad they aren’t sexually attracted to me, but I don’t even feel like they’re aesthetically attracted to me. (For the record, idek if I’m ace or just compensating for how ugly my body and face are by shoving it down to the pits of the earth lol)
I have found my fair share of characters/actors hot but I’ve stopped a while after we started dating. I’ll find an anime guy pretty here and there but that’s the extent of it. I just feel like the third (well, like, 19th) wheel in my relationship while they’re thirsting over all these objectively attractive people. I will never look like that and it’s so intimidating, esp since I used to be cute and their type.
And yes I know the actors probably look like average, maybe even a little ugly, people when they don’t have glam lighting and makeup/hair but like…. sometimes I feel like I should drop off the face of the earth so they can wallow in all their happy thirsty little thoughts and not be bogged down by my mood switches whenever I see a post going ham about how hot so and so is
What are your thoughts on this situation? Who is the loser here? Should I step away, I don’t know…
TL;DR partner thirsts over a wide array of attractive people and I feel like I’m in the way, what with never getting complimented or looked at in That Way
4 comments
I think you’re focusing too much on your own insecurities and on trying to put yourself down, instead of addressing the fact that you want your partner to express their appreciation/love for you more.
It doesn’t matter how the characters/actors look or whether or not you look like them. What matters is that you seem to be taking one reasonable complaint about feeling underappreciated, and feeding it to your insecurity instead of talking about it.
Also, from a glance at some of your other posts, you seem to want to put yourself in boxes a bit. Just…chill and see what works for you instead of trying to complicate things. Like how you say you don’t know what sexual identity to label yourself with because your attraction fluctuates and depending on whom you’re dating, or worrying so much about “aging gracefully” at barely 27…
I’m sorry but what really got me is your aging gracefully comment. You’re 26…… you’re not “aging gracefully”???? Lmfao don’t blame your age you’re young. You can look like crap or lose/gain weight at 13
I’m not sure if being in a relationship right now is the best thing for you. You’re incredibly insecure, on basically all fronts and when in a relationship it only amplifies that. You’re scared of talking to your partner about some basic relationship things, like appreciation and affection. First, it’s a bad sign you don’t feel comfortable talking to your partner about this. Relationships require communication. They can’t work without it. I’m guessing you’re scared of talking about this because of their reaction. If something negative is happening in their life, your partner takes it out on you if you don’t choose the “right words”. That’s hella concerning. You’re not supposed to calculate every word with your partner and walk on eggshells around them being scared of their reaction. But their reaction is not your fault, it’s theirs and it says a lot about their inability to productively regulate their emotional responses. It seems like you two aren’t right for each other. You’re insecure and your partner’s habits and preferences feed into your insecurities. Maybe you should start going to therapy so you could start building your confidence and self-esteem because at the end of the day, it doesn’t even matter who you’re with, if you don’t love yourself, other people can’t love you either. You’ll always be displeased with yourself and will be displeased in the relationship as a result. You need to work on yourself, long and hard. You’re not supposed to be so down on yourself, it’s not healthy for you and the longer you wait to tackle this, harder it will be to get yourself out of this gutter. Take action.
Wait I thought this was Normal. Like not to be weird but like I know ppl who have crushes on like characters cause the characters are badass