(reposting)
Hope this is the right place to ask.

I(22m) have met her (23f) for 5 years, we have been FWB for 3 and “dating” for one, we are not official or anything but we are only sleeping with each other and spending lots of time together and if i’m honest, i really love her.
I met her when i visited her country and we would be together whenever i went there until this year when she came to the US for work, she has friends here but doesn’t really have a support system.

She has changed *a lot* the past few months all of a sudden.
A few stuff for example: she would always do her makeup and go all out but now unless it’s for work she doesn’t do it.
* She stopped going to parties and hanging out with lots of people when she was such a social butterfly. She doesn’t like to go out alone anywhere either when that was never a problem before.

* She stopped dressing up. Before she would dress up, use mini skirts, crop tops or cute dresses, now she is always wearing pants and big hoodies (unless she has to dress up for work) she is always covering her body.

* She can’t take compliments as in, she gets *really* nervous and uncomfortable if someone calls her something like Pretty which given her work, it’s hard to avoid.

* She doesn’t want to have sex often which is fine by me but it’s weird, most of our encounters were initiated by her, we actually had trouble because i felt like she only wanted that and now suddenly she just stopped. We recently got back to doing it because she wanted to but she always seems really shy or uncomfortable.

* She doesn’t like hugs anymore, from me or from anyone. She flinches if someone accidentally does something like touching her hand.

* She takes longer showers, really long and doesn’t like me to join anymore. She says she feels dirty. I always hear her sobbing. She seems to have trouble sleeping too.

* If you catch her by surprise with anything she gets so nervous she sometimes forgets her English. This didn’t happen before.

* Right now she is sick so i’m staying with her (she called me) but she doesn’t want me to touch her. Usually if she is sick she just wants cuddles and tummy rubs but now she barely lets me check her temperature.

* This might seem dumb but she stopped watching SVU, it was her favorite show. She got really triggered? I guess? Last week when we saw something on the news.

These are just a few things, there’s many more.
I think i know when it started but i can’t be sure, she has basically stopped talking to her (boy) friends and doesn’t talk a lot to her girl friends anymore.

I have had a talk with her (before i was even thinking she might have been sexually assaulted) where she cried and told me she couldn’t talk? Which was weird because why couldn’t she?

And a few days ago i was reading a Reddit post on my main, as dumb as it might seem, it basically was about a mom complaining of her daughter being depressed and not talking to her friends and writing a script or something like that and lots of the comments mentioned how it seemed like something related to sexual assault and i had not even thought about it.
The more i read the descriptions the more it seemed like what’s happening with Bitna. As i said, there’s many things that i haven’t mentioned as it will make this too long but the more i think about it, the more sense it makes and i have no idea of what to do.

Tl;dr Girl i’m dating with has completely changed and i think she might have been sexually assaulted

4 comments
  1. She might not be ready to tell you.

    She might not have fully admitted it to herself all of the way.

    Don’t bring it up. She can when she’s ready.

    Just don’t pressure her. Think of at home dates with her. Let her know you’ll stick with her through anything. Let her know you love her.

    Keep being there for her.

  2. That is a possibility but it could be a whole number of issues and/or depression. In the meantime you should not be pushing her to talk about it with you and back off on hugs and sex. Instead, see if you can encourage her to see a counselor because even if she wasn’t SA, she sounds like she could benefit from that sort of help.

  3. That is a leap. She might be depressed? It could also be what you said. It might have happened a while ago and it’s plaguing her. Can you gently bring up her changes and just ask if something happened? Non-specific, just has something happened because I am noticing things?

  4. I think you need to have a difficult, but necessary conversation with her and ask her if that happened to her. Tell her it won’t change how you feel about her, you just want to be there for her and will do anything you can to help her through this.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like