I’m 21m and have been talking to my best friend 22f for about a year now. We’ve always been slightly flirtatious but (at least to me) it was always sarcastic and just meant to be funny.
Not long ago I downloaded tinder and have been semi successful and met some people I really like. But since then she’s been getting really pissy at me for the smallest thing and brings it up constantly. She hasn’t directly admitted to anything but its really making me uncomfortable. What should I do?
4 comments
It’s all down to you OP. Do you value her friendship ? Do you think that there is scope for you both to have a more intimate relationship ? The latter will, as you undoubtedly understand, change your relationship irrevocably.
Set the scene. Relaxing non threatening environment. Ask her where she sees herself being in five years time. Then answer the question for yourself. If you get the feeling that she is willing to enter a relationship tell her that you wouldn’t be on Tinder if you could find a SO within your friend group.
At the end of this, you will either still be friends (but with more understanding of the other) or you will be an item. Good communication always prevails. Good luck.
Sit her down. Tell her you’ve noticed that she seems mad at you and you want to know what you’ve done to piss her off. Could be something completely unrelated to what you’re thinking. In that case, problem solved.
Wait for her to mention your tinder activity. If she doesn’t, mention it yourself. Say that you feel like this really bothers her and you don’t want it to ruin your friendship. Compliment her. Women love compliments. Tell her how she’s smart and funny and pretty, that your friendship means a lot to you. All that stuff. Casually slip in there that she’s like the sister you’ve never had, that you’re so glad you two can hang out and just be friends without having to worry about one falling in love with the other… Just casually put those things out there so she gets the message without you actually having to turn her down.
She hasn’t explicitly told you that she was interested. If i was you, i would continue to use tinder and be confident with that decision. Assert yourself and what it is that you want to do.
Since she hasn’t made her intention clear, you are free to do as you wish.
When she does challenge you, just be honest with her. Say what you truly feel. Regardless of the result.
Whatever it is that you decide to do, good luck!
You don’t have to talk about tinder, dates, etc. It may be that it’s too late, or maybe she will stop focusing on that.
But chances are that if/when you have a relationship, this friendship will end, whether permanently or for a long time.
It seems like she thought you guys were building up to a relationship, and now she realizes that you have no intention of going in that direction, and she’s not okay with that because she essentially almost felt like you were in a relationship already. While she was mistaken, there’s probably no way to change what she wanted and how she feels.