FTM (29) has had a hard year with husband (33M). We moved to a new country, barely speak the language and have suffered many deaths from people close to us. Recently I have been coming to my mom for all of my marriage problems, I’m not sure when it happened but now she’s the only person I talk to about it. Most of the time she is saying to just divorce him and move on. She knows so much that I feel like I’ve skewed her perception of him and I am devastated about that. I know I need to stop going to my mom and will stop moving forward but does anyone have advice on how to reverse what’s been said?
2 comments
Not really – youve already soured your mom’s perception of your husband, so you need to A) stop going to her with all the details, and B) immediately cut her off/correct her if she every tries to mean things to/about him in the future
Your mom is not an impartial voice. You’ve moved away with your husband, and if you got divorced, you’d likely come back to her. That would play a part in her advice. Maybe not consciously, but it’s there.
Back off from confiding in your mom about your marriage. You need to find someone who is actually impartial, who can tell you when you’re wrong about something. And tell your mom “I’m sorry I colored your view of my husband when we were going through a rough patch. I value your opinion, but I also want you to still love him at the end of the day.”
You can’t really reverse what’s been said, but you can tell her that you’re working on better communication with him, and that maybe some of your own perceptions were unfair. You can also tell her (if you’re not going to divorce) that you’d appreciate her support as you two try to mend things. This is telling her you need her on your marriage’s team, not JUST yours. <3