I 26F discovered after 15 years of pain I have huge endometriosis and adenomyosis spots on top of and behind my uterus. It’s bad. Every time I need to do nr 2 there will be blood and the feeling of a knife stabbing me in my behind.
The guy 27M I’ve been seeing doesn’t know it yet.
I need to do ivf to get pregnant if I even can get pregnant and the operation I have in 5 months time has a big risk, because it’s on my uterus and my colon I might need a stoma after.
To get prepped for this surgery I’ll get 6 months of Lucrin, which makes me go into menopause. My libido also might decrease and I’ll have flairups.
I don’t want to scare him away and dump this on him while we are still getting to know one another (also haven’t had sex yet) so.. I don’t know what to do.
I just got the news yesterday of my surgery and the menopause and the risks. I can’t wrap my head around it yet properly. Any advice when I should tell him etc?
TL;DR will have surgery in May ish with a big risk of a stoma. Will also go into menopause from Jan onwards. When to tell the guy I’ve been dating?
2 comments
Fellow endo sufferer here, though not as bad as yours. Solidarity–this fucking sucks but I’m so glad you’ll be getting the surgery.
I think it depends on how you feel about this guy. How do you think he would react if you told him you need a serious leg surgery and you won’t be able to walk for a few months? If you think he’d be positive and supportive, then it might be worth it to broach the subject of endo–maybe not the surgery or possible complications right away. If he responds positively, then maybe you can ease into discussion of what you’ll be going through over the next few dates.
First of all, you need to process this news *yourself.* You only found out yesterday, for heaven’s sakes! Don’t rush into telling other people before you’ve been able to process it yourself.
Second of all, your medical information is *yours.* You don’t owe it to him because you’ve been on a few dates with him. How many other people have you been on a few dates with? It’s early, if you’ve had any other relationship ever then you know things might happen and statically speaking, this guy very likely may not be the one anyway. So don’t panic yourself over it.
Which brings me to the third point, you should get to know him more and figure out if you’re a good match or not. Does he want kids? Do you? Is adoption an option? Are you planning on asking for his help after surgery?
Approach it as part of getting to know him. If it’s relevant, then tell him what you need to, as it becomes relevant. Share as much as you are comfortable with. I had a hysterectomy because I never wanted to get pregnant and I have a family history of other issues in that area. I have zero shame about this so I overshare happily without complaint. My husband doesn’t like putting his private life out there like that, so he doesn’t tell people – even though I’ve told him he can. He just doesn’t like those conversations. So are you like me, where you’re an open book and don’t mind people like this guy knowing your medical history? Or are you like my husband, preferring only to share what is necessary, at the moment it becomes necessary?
Basically… why do you feel the need to share it with him? Do you feel obligated to, or do you *want* to? Do you feel you need to share with him, or do you just need to get it off your chest and talk about it with *someone,* and he’s top of mind at the moment? (In which case, maybe try talking to a trusted friend or family member!)