My Ex has cancer. Should I give him a second chance?

12 comments

1. I would definitely not go back into a relationship because of pity, if you are still friends, and you are comfortable with it, just be there as a support, don’t go above and beyond as maybe a partner would, in your post I think you already answered your own question, when you said you were guilt tripped into staying, and this is what will happen again, it isn’t your fault that he developed cancer, so you don’t owe him anything.

2. Cancer sucks but it’s not a reason to get back together with someone.

3. im a guy here saying this so i can tell you what its like from his point of view (kind of) he is 100% using the cancer to guilt u into staying with him, its a horrible situation to be in for u but its not ur fault there is nothing to be guilty of try ur best to move on if u were that important to him he wouldve put in the effort while u were dating and not after

4. Slightly unrelated, but it’s so common now to hear stories of younger people being diagnosed with colon cancer, this is scary since most people think colon screenings should start in their 50’s, when the truth is that people should start in their 30’s.

   If you are older than 35, and have have never had a colonoscopy, schedule one, don’t wait, such a simple procedure that can save so many lives.

   I’m 47 (f) and have had 3 colonoscopies, first one at the age of 36, and repeating it once every 5 years.

   And no, don’t go back on this relationship.

5. No! No! And once again, No!

   I hate to suggest it, but if he’s as manipulative as you describe, this may be a lie.
   No, just stay far away from this person.

6. Cancer or not, no! This guy has hurt you & you know deep down it’s not right.

7. Cancer sucks but you have no responsibility beyond yourself. I’d say close the door and don’t let him back.

   I feel it’s a bit similar to the situation where someone blackmails you with suicide if you break up. It sucks but you are not responsible for others and should stand for yourself.

8. You left for a reason so don’t let this person come back in your life anymore. You deserve to be happy.

   I will sound like a heartless person but he’s on his own now. He’s an adult so let him figure out his life on his own. He will eventually need to tell his family, so don’t let him guilt-trip you further and let his family take care of him.

9. Based on the minimal info you told us here I would be worried he’s lying and using it to get you back.

10. >I was guilt tripped into staying in a relationship I wasn’t comfortable with for a couple years. He put me through something very traumatic I can’t talk about on here. He did a lot of emotional damage to me that am taking a break from dating.

    Not that the cancer even matters here because it doesn’t but from the way you describe him it seems like lying about having cancer to pull you back in would make perfect sense with him.

    It’s super concerning that you are even considering giving him a second chance and I hope you can get some help to figure out why you feel this way because without that help, this cycle will likely repeat with a different guy. I wish taking time off from things fixed our problematic patterns of behavior but it doesn’t.

    Please don’t hesitate to reach out for help to others if you really think he’s still a danger to you.

11. I mean… would you give him a second chance even if he didn’t have cancer?

    Having cancer isn’t a reason to enter a relationship with someone again.

    Be there to support them? Sure. You don’t have to commit yourself romantically though.

12. Let me just say this.

    I just buried my boyfriend in July from colon cancer.

    This ain’t a road you take unless you are absolutely sure you love this person unconditionally (bc shits about to get real and serious, fast, which means you’re going to see the absolute best and absolute worst of them) and are ready to sacrifice a huge part of your life and self for them.

    The trauma he put you through is valid and you should absolutely 100% consider this as a reason to put your mental health and safety first, especially when you already have had to leave him due to it.

    With that said .. and not belittling it in any way, the trauma ahead of you if you go this route is a million times more than what you’ve experienced. Not only is there mental trauma from watching your loved one suffer and having no way to heal it but physical trauma as you undergo an immense e amount of stress, fear, agony and desperation for answers to things you’ll never understand on top of the stress of living with/around someone with a terminal illness who has no where to put his anger, physical pain, spiritual pain and emotional pain except on the people he loves (even subconsciously).

    This isn’t a movie, this is you carrying your significant other into the house when the pain gets so bad they can’t walk, its listening to the doctor tell them the treatment didn’t work and seeing their world stop (again), it’s begging them to eat as you see them wasting away (I know, at certain times it’s not important but I’m trying to convey the caregivers outlook), it’s laying there listening to them breathe and sending them to the ER because you can hear the pneumonia in their lungs again and praying it’s not going to turn septic…. It’s being there when they die and walking out of that room knowing you’ll never be the same.

    So please, really think this through. This is a commitment you shouldn’t take lightly and can’t just back out of bc of an argument. It is okay to stay in his life without a full on relationship, it’s okay to love him through this and not be right beside him. I only say this because of the issues you already have and how big a responsibility this is. It’s okay to put yourself first, I truly promise it is.