We’ve been dating for seven months and we’ve both been having hard talks about our future and our future together. I have a very good idea of where I want to live abroad but she’s a family person, I am not, and she doesn’t know if she can leave them which I understand.
It’s not that I don’t love her, it’s just that I have has this dream in my mind for a long time and have been actively researching and making plans for it. Just tonight, I was talking to her about some things I read up on. She was rightfully upset because the things I look for in a place to live is quite literally the opposite of hers. We’re very different people and we sometimes clash but we try to work through it. I digress, she was upset and told me that it feels like I’m not considering her in my future, not comprising, or that I don’t love her enough to change my plans and I’m trying to but I feel like there are things I can’t compromise on and she is the same. Her future might not align with mine and I fear what that means. I’m just confused, if I should give up my dreams or have to settle for staying where we are now, that would make me miserable but her happy. But I feel like love is compromise and I’m not sure if that is just a naive way of thinking. She has also said that she doesn’t really see herself moving anywhere else and I don’t want her to feel forced to either.
I’m just wondering what I should do since I am confused and I don’t want to break up because she is amazing and I’ve grown with her these past seven months. I’m just trying to come up with a solution that will make us both happy but I can’t find one. But I also feel like I’m worrying too much, I just want to take this seriously since I want a serious relationship with her.
Tldr: me and my girlfriend have different futures, I want to know if it’s possible to compromise and be happy
2 comments
You’re too young to give up dreams for a relatively short relationship, experiencing new things and achieving your goals should be your top priority. It’s not she’s willing to compromise either, and not every relationship is meant to last forever. If you end because of this, at least it’s not from something toxic
You’ve only been together for seven months. You want to leave, and she wants to stay – there’s not a lot of room for compromise there. And while you’re right that love sometimes does require compromise, it’s neither love nor compromise if one person has to sacrifice their entire authentic life plan to keep the other one happy.
Right now I’m sure it feels like this is the only woman who can make you happy. But at 20, you will have many more chances at romance in the new part of the world where you want to live. Don’t you think you’d both be happier with a partner who wants the same lifestyle you do?
It won’t be easy, but I think you should tell your GF that you love her and you’ll always cherish her memory…and you want to break up with her before you leave for your new destination. She’ll be able to find a home-town honey and stay where she wants to be, while you continue on to your new home and find someone who’s happy to share your chosen lifestyle. If you endure a little bit of sadness from the breakup at the beginning, everyone can enjoy years of long-term happiness down the road. Bon voyage!