Tl;dr: I want to get out of my situation ship, but I don’t know how because I’m so attached.
Title says it all honestly. For the past 8-9 months I’ve been in a situationship with the same guy(32M) and my well being has progressively gotten worse.
We met in person which is super rare for my generation and I instantly fell for him. Unfortunately he was the type to not see one girl at a time. I found that out pretty quickly into our relationship after he lied to me about it. He had a decent amount of followers on Instagram and followed a ton of people as well, most being young beautiful girls. Should preface this, we are from the city of Chicago and he cared about his status. Girls would fawn for him since he was a wealthy dentist in the city that loved going out to clubs, social events, and festivals.
Due to my previous job, being a private investigator, I got extremely good at finding information out. I found out he was seeing other girls behind my back and having multiple flings, which he lied to me about. I found out he was sleeping with multiple girls behind my and lied about that. I found out he was talking to many girls and still on dating apps, even though he said he wasn’t very active on them. During the first 3 months I would stress and cry over this man.
All while doing that, he would see me in the beginning one day out of the week. Until I had the exclusivity talk with him, which he said he wasn’t ready which I said fair. I also asked him questions about other girls and about us. He lied about most of them. After that conversation he ghosted me for a month. I was upset, but I realized that I can get over him.
Well come September he pops back up again saying he misses me and we start back up again. I had in my head though that he didn’t want to be exclusive and that I was going to see it as it is and have fun with him.
Things got more complicates because instead of once a week, we started seeing each other 2-4 times a week. He started introducing me to all of his close friends. He started making future plans with me. He started taking me out to parties and clubs with him. He was showing me off a lot. He also mentioned wanting me to meet his mom and him meet my parents.
Due to all of that, it threw me off because if he didn’t want to be exclusive why do all of that? My feelings got strong because of the way he treated me. After months of us seeing each other again, my stresses came back because I was scared if him seeing other girls. I was scared he was still active on those dating apps. My anxiety would eat me alive.
He still continued talking to other girls. He was still somewhat active on the dating apps. I found a used bottle of lube in his bathroom and open condom wrappers in his bedside drawer. Since I kept finding more stuff I started to get extremely upset again because I had no idea what this guy was doing with me.
I had another serious talk with him about almost 3 weeks ago. I asked what he was doing with me. Why he doesn’t want to be exclusive? If he’s been lying to me. Everything. He finally came clean to the lies which I already knew. He explained to me he doesn’t want a relationship because it’ll mess up his life and he’s too comfortable in it. He said he had no idea what he was doing with me.
After that talk, he talked to me less and I haven’t even hung out with him since then. This guy has made me go insane and realized he’s been destroying my mental health. I went back to therapy and got back on my depression medication because this guy has destroyed me. I’ve been stressing everyday about him. I’ve been crying over him and it’s just been really hard lately. I want to drop him and move on, but it’s so hard. I like spending time with him and he is a genuinely really sweet guy. All my friends like him. He treats me amazingly when I’m with him, but is it worth my well being?
What should I do? Am I being stupid for still holding on?
4 comments
you need to let go of this guy, he seems to be giving you just a little more to appear committed to keep you on the hook while not actually being committed to you and it looks like it is ripping you apart inside. for your own mental and emotional health why are you with a guy who isnt fulfilling your needs? so you fill all of his and he leaves you empty? go find someone you can be happy with.
First of all, you are not stupid, I’m sure you are smarter than him and more much mature. You probably already know this and the following…. But I’m just going to say it anyway… Let him go, but forever.
You are much better than this and you need someone who respects you.
(Note: English is not my first language)
That man, to you, is like alcohol to an alcoholic.
You’ve got to cut him off completely, there’s no other way.
This guy is absolute trash. He’s using you. He’s lying to you constantly. He’s playing games going hot and cold with you. He’s full of shit. You’re not stupid for falling for it, but now that you see it, you’ve got to get away from this asshole. Definitely work with your therapist on this: What are you getting from this guy? Other than a mental health crisis. This situation is completely toxic to you, so what are you getting out of it? Status? Attention? Crazy emotions that feel addicting? Why do you feel unable to shut the door? He’s destroying your well being and your sanity. That’s emotional abuse and gaslighting. When you confront him, he ghosts you. When you are fine without him, he comes back to torment you again. He knows he’s got to treat you differently on round 2, so he acts like he like likes you, and then when you confront him for lying, lying, and lying more, he pulls away again. None of this is healthy. You deserve WAY better than this. Shut the door FOREVER on this guy and hold that boundary.