(This may super all over the place because I don’t normally come to Reddit for advice lol)
My girlfriend and I have been dating for around a month and a half. We dated last year for around 9 months before she ended things. She recently asked me if we could go into an open relationship. For the record I personally think open relationships are stupid but again that’s just me. So I try to push back on it a bit. Another piece on context yoj need is I have been on a trip for the past week and am flying back on Sunday. After I try to push back on going open she says that she is lacking physical touch and she needs it and that she feels like she “can’t be free to do what she wants and act on impulsive moments”. She also says this is a two way relationship and we both need to be willing to cooperate on things. I feel crappy so I very reluctantly agree. But we also agree that when I get back we should talk about if we still need to be open or not
One more piece of context is that when we dated last year, after she broke up with me she started dating this guy a week later who she had been friends with. And she now has another guy friend who she has been hanging out with recently. He was at her house the other night and today she is at his. She still currently is and I have been overthinking about it for the past two hours. Idk if I just needed to rant or honestky advice if I should be more willing to have our relationship be open or if I’m being a dumbass my letting it be open.
26 comments
she’s basically asking you to be ok w/ her cheating. nope nope nope. open relationships are when BOTH people agree and are ok w/ it. which you aren’t.
i have not seen an open relationship end well. id love to be proved wrong but it always seems on sided with the other person in denial.
Just walk bro and block , it’s the best options . Best of luck
Open relationships are perfectly fine when both people in the relationship are comfortable with it. It’s pretty clear that this is important to her and a deal breaker for you. Based on the info you gave here, it’s really time to just end things with her.
Nope, you’ll be better off going on your own merry way dude.
> act on impulsive moments
That’s not really a trait you want in a partner, regardless of the context.
If she can’t handle you being gone a week, she’s not ready for a relationship.
Why do you need the relationship part? Just hook up until you find someone better.
Reddit is generally very anti-ENM so idk if you’ll get any useful advice other than ‘dump her’. But I gather you haven’t done so because you want to think things through, so I’ll try to give a different perspective.
Info: how often do you travel? How much time are you spending together? What does your sex life looks like? Are you really ok with her being friends with the other guy(s)?
Needless to say if you think its a nmbad idea then that’s the end of the conversation and you two can move on from this relationship. But from what you’ve described here it seems like she’s saying it out of loneliness. Like lacl of physical intimacy, spending all this time with some other guy – seems like she’s not getting from this relationship what she wants (hence I asked all those questions to get more context).
You want a relationship, she wants FWB’s (plural). Massive difference of of interests and goals. Best to find someone that wants more of the same of what you want.
You’re gf doesn’t want to be monogamous so if that is not for you then you need to break up with her.
Nope, I would block and ghost, IMO she’s trouble
Tell her no again, and then block her on everything.
She isn’t interested in a relationship, she wants several fuck buddies spread all over the place so she can dip her toes into whichever pool she wants when it suits her.
She wanted to smash others then and still wants to smash others now
Pretty sure you never had a monogamous relationship
Just end it
> And she now has another guy friend who she has been hanging out with recently. He was at her house the other night and today she is at his. She still currently is and I have been overthinking about it for the past two hours.
Comeon bro, you know he’s clapping her cheeks.
Also She felt that she “can’t be free to do what she wants and act on impulsive moments” after not even a week?? She’s using the vacation as an excuse.
There’s no coming back from this. She has told you that she doesn’t want to control her impulses – which means she will never be a trustworthy monogamous partner.
The only way you should ever feel if you agree to open up a relationship is great enthusiasm.
What I mean is, if there is the SLIGHTEST doubt, the SLIGHTEST reluctance or hesitation, NO. DO NOT DO IT.
It is not worth the pain and trouble if you are not actually into the idea, and you are clearly not.
Also, they are already fucking, and have been so since you started dating.
An open relationship isn’t something you just compromise on, honestly this relationship sounds doomed
Break up with her. You’re incompatible! She should not be trying to manipulate you by claiming you HAVE to open the relationship in order to, “cooperate.”
Cooperation requires BOTH people to agree to something. You don’t WANT this and she does. Break up.
She’s already been fucked, move on.
Sounds like your relationship is already so open that you’ve fallen out.
It’s okay to want different things from life, and it’s okay if wanting sufficiently different things means the two of you are incompatible. Let her go, and go find someone who wants the same things you do.
I would break up with her and tell her you are looking for something else. She either wants to sleep around or doesn’t respect your relationship
Uhhhhhh…dude. She’s not just your girlfriend. She’s everyone’s girlfriend.
She wants to cheat with your permission. I would move on.
This is standard Language for I want to control you and have what I want from someone else I want to entertain. I had a ex try pull this it basically the end. If your not into the open relationship type of thing. She literally is say she bored and want sleep with other men. And hopes you be there when she gets bored of them or worse gets Prego by one of her new suites. She may just move off with the new guy this tends to happen in open relationship. Women acts like she still cares how you feel when she really only cares about her socks getting knocked. By new attention and different experience. Get a new lady she already entertaining the new prospect don’t be disrespected find a lady and someone that won’t pulls this old switcharoo . Find you a new person I’m sure she says she ok withbit but when you start drifting toward the new lady cause she not doing this B.S she may change her room regardless start looking don’t be afraid to lose her if she acts like this. There a ladies that don’t do this crap if she need to explore her sexuality she do that without you. Your not her emotional punch bag she can drop and pick up as she feels. Show respect for your self forget what she doing with these dudes or what she trying to setup with them. Find you a setup for a way out. Someine amazing. Have confidence she not the only lady out there that would like to spend time with you. Find her bud.
Walk away OP. If this is what you are going through after a month and a half she is simply not worth spending any extra effort on.
Thank her for her time and move on.
She was cheating the first time, she was cheating again, she’s confident you won’t pursue other women and she likes the relationship aspect you give her but she wants to be able to be bent over at a moment’s notice by different people.
This sick woman is the type to kiss with another man on her mouth. ON.