The title pretty much sums this up, my boyfriend is the first man I’ve been with and I love him very dearly and he’s mostly great in bed but I just feel bad for not feeling satisfied whenever he penetrates me, he’s average in size (statistically speaking) but I think I just want to feel filled if that makes any sense? I’ve lost my virginity to him and I still want to be with him because this is just a minor inconvenience to me, I’m too embarrassed to tell him about it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings so what can I do about this ? And how can I improve the experience for the both of us? Tips and tricks would be really appreciated 🙂
Edit: thank you to everyone that shared helpful suggestions, I’ll definitely look into it and I’ll make an update post, now for those fixated on the minor age gap, I just want to say that 1) I’m not in school And I turn 18 soon 2) no, my boyfriend isn’t a nonce and he isn’t sexually abusing me, I’ve expressed the feelings I had for him first and we went to secondary school together so he isn’t just some random man trying to groom a teenager 3) the age of consent where I live is 16 and I’m capable of making my own decisions 4) I’m not his first partner and he’s much more experienced than I am so he isn’t lacking in other departments, I don’t want a partner with a bigger dick and I’m not interested in opening up our relationship and lastly, I’m not body shaming men with average/smaller dicks, all I asked for was positions and methods to make it more pleasurable on my part, again thank you to everyone that shared helpful suggestions
36 comments
this one’s gonna hurt
I’ve got a borderline micropenis and my wife has a lot of the same frustrations.
My advice? Focus more on non-penetration orgasms and save penetration orgasms for toys. My wife finds penetration by me “distracting” in that it feels like not enough, so with me we try fingers and oral mostly and on her own she has toys.
Find ways to be satisfied together without insulting his body. Imagine if be told you be was unsatisfied with your loose vag? People would be in an uproar! His body is not a problem and he shouldn’t be left to feel shame over it. Get toys, try introducing new ideas to help get you satisfied. Don’t be an ass. If the tables were turned you’d want care and compassion. Do the same for him – men have feelings, too. Geesh.
I disagree with the other answer, do not tell him that you are not satisfied with the size of his dick.
If it’s a dealbreaker for you, break-up with him, but don’t tell him.
Dick size is a very sensitive for a man, especially a young man, more so if he didn’t have a lot of other partners who had already been satisfied by his size to give him confidence. Dick size is a symbol of manhood and believe me your boyfriend will not be able to process that you love him but not his too small dick.
Imagine how you would feel if your boyfriend told you your breast are too small, your eyes are not pretty or your voice is annoying? These are things you can’t do anything about, it would just crush your confidence and self-esteem.
Now for the sexual aspect, you may introduce sex toys that you would use together, or him on you, including larger sex toys. What matters here would be to make sure to make him feel appreciated and needed for him to accept them. Tell him the sex toys turn you on a lot and “reward” him with great sex.
Hold up. 21 and 17? I know this may be legal in some places but those are two ages at entirely different life stages
Do you know that his size is really the issue? It could also be his technique or that you have a hard time with vaginal orgasms. Have you tried larger sizes using sex toys for example?
Since you’re only 17 and this is your first time having sex, consider that you may have unrealistic expectations for how it is “supposed” to feel. Particularly if you’ve watched porn, which is going to give you an exaggerated perception that 1. Most men have huge dicks and 2. Women orgasm a lot more easily from penetration than they actually do.
Did you know that 80% of women *cannot* orgasm from just penetration? It doesn’t matter how big their partner is or how long he lasts, they just don’t have the internal nerve network to orgasm only from penetration.
Did you know that the vagina is only about 3 inches deep at baseline and about 4.5 inches deep when aroused? Did you know that the majority of nerves, including the g-spot, are located only about an inch inside the vagina?
If you’re partner is average sized then I’m sure you know that, statistically, 75% of men are the same size or smaller than he is.
You can incorporate toys if you want to feel what it is like to be penetrated by something bigger. Don’t let your imagination ruin what could be great sexual experience with your boyfriend.
Positions where you can feel him better. For example, while in missionary, pull your legs up, let him fold you in half, and see if that makes a difference. There are more positions like that.
What would be your plan in telling him? Telling him without a proposal or solution seems silly. It’s not like he can just make his dick bigger. If you are wanting him to use a sleeve or something I’d open that convo very carefully and know that even that could damage his confidence and your relationship beyond repair.
Also, I’m wondering what you expect it to feel like if this is the first partner you’ve had. Most women don’t orgasm from vaginal sex. Do you two engage other ways?
I love how people will say women don’t care about dick size, and you’ll hear women will literally say that men care more about dick size than women, blame it on fragile male ego and whatnot… then we see posts like like every other day.
It’s just an unfortunate fact that the statistical average is *too small* from the perspective of a lot of people’s preferences. I mean, it’s unfortunate also for those that have those preferences since large dicks aren’t as common in real life as they are in porn. Large dicks also don’t always correlate with the best and most date worthy personalities either. Imagine how much more difficult it is for a straight woman to find fulfilling relationships if she really requires at least 8 inch dicks, or if a straight guy refuses to date a girl unless she has G-cups. Anyway, do not tell him that you are unsatisfied with his size unless you don’t mind breaking his sexual confidence completely. This is a really sensitive issue to men.
Don’t tell him his package is small. If its impossible to remain in a relationship with him, break up but dont say that his dick is the reason. Be sensitive. Or, just find other ways to satisfy yourself like a larger sex toy
What does a 21 year old want with a 17 year old?! .
I’m both surprised and somewhere towards appalled at how many people are talking about things OP didn’t ask for and how few are actually giving constructive answers.
OP, there are positions you can try that will position or contort your body in such a way that will make the fit feel more snug.
Try laying on your back at the edge of the bed, have him stand by the bed and put your heels over his shoulders. Or to go hard right away, put both your legs on only *one* of his shoulders (meaning your legs should be as close together possible). When he’s in, have him lean over you a bit so that your hip gets rotated upwards.
This will mush your vaginal opening a little bit together and you should both feel it more for that reason alone. Additionally, the slightly rotated hip combined with the actual position he’s in relative to you will let him deeper into you as well as giving a higher chance that his penis will bump against the walls of your vagina (which in turn will give a sensation of being more full).
You can do a similar position in doggy style, standing up, etc.
Experiment with different positions to find what might work for you, and experiment with different angles in those positions – generally speaking, positions with closed legs or contortion/compression in the hip area can be promising places to start. Any position you hear about or come across on the internet that’s described as allowing deeper penetration is probably also worth a try.
**Another thing** you can try, is kegel exercises (either “empty” or with toys like ben wa balls), the implication being that stronger pelvic floor muscles has the potential to heighten the sensations you feel from penetration.
**Yet another thing** to consider, is a buttplug. You mention being young and inexperienced, so I would maybe put this far down on the list and try the others first – but anyway, a buttplug of whatever size you find suitable can increase the feeling of tightness and fullness of vaginal penetration, since the plug itself will take up some internal space that is otherwise available for the vaginal canal to expand into if needed.
**I would try this last**, but you can also try broaching the subject of including dildos in your sessions, or possibly penis sleeves. I put this at the very end because penis size is a sensitive topic for a lot of men, especially young men, so it can be daunting to navigate it in a way that he’ll be able to take in constructively.
It might not be for you but maybe try a butt plug? Your meow meow will certainly feel filled then!
You said you were recently a virgin so i guess maybe your bd isnt super experience either. There are a few things:
Maybe stress got to him a bit and his erection wasnt 100%, that would lead to feeling more unsatisfied.
Some positions go very deep. I am average and my gf complains about going too far ever since shes had a more sensitive cervix. Maybe try those positions? Doggystyle and on your back with knees on your chest are the two deepest positions i can think of.
Some women cant come from penetration.. hopefully thats not your issue, but it could be that youre less sensitive there and youre more of a clit person.
Good god. Even with zero frame of reference or comparison in real life the man still isnt enough. We’re doomed lol.
Better start on them kegels
I once had a fwb who had a huge vagina…
I never told her this!!!!
Have you tried placing a pillow under you? This honestly makes it feel better, no matter what size your partner is imo.
Have you experimented with larger insertions at all in order to compare if bigger would satisfy you more or if the issue is more that you just don’t get much out of penetration from any size?
There are some positions that will allow him to leverage as much as possible but those still might not be enough to make a difference.
I’m really sorry about some of the unhelpful comments on here, OP, I know that you explicitly said that you don’t want to insult him about his size. Speaking as somebody who has had the opposite problem from your bf, I’ve found that the less lubrication you have, the tighter your pussy is going to feel relative to his size. If you have him penetrate you a little bit before you’re ready / haven’t done quite enough foreplay (carefully, as this can injure you), he’s going to feel like he’s bigger than he actually is, since you won’t have as much natural lubrication. If you’re using lube, then you can try using a little bit less lube.
If you’re looking for deeper penetration, as opposed to just a girthier feel, then you should definitely try putting your legs over his shoulders when you try missionary ( SFW example : it’s [more or less the classic missionary position in porn](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/images/281/legs-over-shoulders-1490747560.gif)). Generally speaking, I find that this is the best position for when my girlfriend is really turned on and able to take it deeper than normal.
Edit: clarification
Perhaps odd but experimenting with anal plugs can help with the “full” feeling. Also if his penis is curved, try to play into that and try new positions.
It also makes them feel bigger in a way.
I’d say that it’s more about technique than size. Which is also a hard convo but if you masturbate- outside of size- what is the rhythm you use?
Tbh I’ve been with all ranges of dick size- and being on the average size is best in the long run/ in general. Big dildos are fun but I can go rounds and rounds with my average sized partner. And I’m not in pain after.
Only a pos would tell the guy his dick is too small. That’s about the worst thing you could say.
21 and 17 is crazyy different. im 21 and the thought of getting with a 17 year old baby wow that’s tough
It takes two to tango.
Bluntly, why is this your boyfriend’s size, and not yours?
Keep that in mind before addressing *anything* with him.
As for suggestions… I dunno. More lube, or a towel to wipe off excess lubrication, for a different feel/texture to the fucking?
Different positions? Just try some. No one here is going to be able to pull out a crystal ball and tell you that a specific position is right for **the two** of you.
Never tell a person that a their body (or body part) is not good enough. That is cruel and inhumane.
There is already great advice in this thread but here’s my 2 cents: I will tell you that your dissatisfaction in a body part is just a result of you being new to sex still. Dick size, any body feature, means nothing when it comes to good sex. Sex is about achieving physical happiness together. Its all about the quality of the experience not the hardware you are working with.
I’m not so sure this has anything to do with size. If he’s the only man you’ve ever been with, how would you have anything to compare it to? Maybe it has more to do with unrealistic expectations?
Being 17 I worry that you may be susceptible to the whole porn star and people saying they need them big….that whole stigma….NEVER mention size to man. You don’t want him picking out stuff you don’t like about yourself and I guarantee he already feels the pressure because of porn and size queens. If it’s to skinny get cock sleeves. Tell him you want to try the different textures. Do more clitoral stimulation. Communicate what feels good to you and what doesn’t. I cannot express the communication part enough!!!!! Seriously. He doesn’t know what feels good to you and you don’t to him so discuss it. Do you like it. Movement is a huge thing. Length you can’t change much but like a few people have said on average it’s only like 4 inches deep….you really don’t need length. Girth(thickness)is usually what feels good. So I definitely suggest cock sleeves.
If he’s the guy you lost your virginity to, are you sure it’s a problem with his size, and not just a problem of sex not feeling the way that you imagined it would feel? I’m not saying that’s necessarily the case, but it’s the first thing that came to mind.
Also, statistically most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone. Women normally get off on clit stimulation, not vaginal stimulation.
I’m all for honesty, but not in this case. DO NOT TELL HIM. You will risk permanent psychological damage. Almost all men are very sensitive regarding that topic.
1) Don’t ever tell him you are even slightly left-wanting with his size. It will crush his confidence for the rest of his life and severely impact sex and dating for him with you and anyone else who may come after you. Doing that to him would be incredibly cruel. And that would be especially fucked up since he’s average and not even small. But regardless if actual size, never tell a man his “manhood” isn’t enough when there are more creative and less destructive ways to find a happy middle ground. Such as:
2) Get kinky and try a butt plug during penetration (DP). It will make you feel way more full in your pussy to have him in there with the butt plug pushing against your vaginal wall.
3) Start doing kegel exercises throughout the day every day to get stronger pelvic floor muscles. This will allow you to squeeze him tighter which will also help hit your spots better when he’s inside you.
If you tell him his dick isn’t big enough for you, that will mess him up forever with all future girlfriends. It could be really devastating to him.
Size has nothing to do with pleasure. It’s about how he uses whatever he’s working with. The only reason I know this is because the best sex of my life was w/ a guy who had a small one. I can’t give tips & tricks on that, because he was the one who knew what he was doing… but I can say that he was a man whore before me (& during, but that’s not the point), & he was 9 years older than me, so I’m pretty sure the years of practice had a lot to do with it.
Definitely talk to him though. I wouldn’t dare tell him you’re not satisfied w/ his size. It’ll do damage & at the end of the day, that’s not the issue. Also, it’s pretty common for guys at that age to not be good at sex yet, unfortunately. When I was around that age, none of my partners who were my age were good in bed… which is partly why I developed a thing for older guys, tbh. Hopefully, the guys on here are helping you out w/ how to talk to him and the tips & tricks bit.
Also, I know it’s frustrating that people are pointing out the age difference. They’re just concerned because they think you’re in harm’s way dating an adult as a minor. Where I live it’s illegal. When I was 17, I was with a 26-year-old. We were together for 4 years. Now that was a huge age gap & I realized way too late that there was a power imbalance & that he was taking advantage of me in a lot of ways. But I think 21/17 is different. Usually, girls are a few years ahead of boys in maturity to start with. Also, our brains don’t stop developing until our mid to late 20s. This is also why I think it’s absurd that people are expected to map out their life at 18. You guys are BOTH still kids… but you’re also BOTH sexually mature, so if someone comes at you w/ that “you’re not done developing & he’s an adult” bullshit they’re just uneducated. As long as everything is consensual & he treats you with love & respect… if he’s faithful & not coercing you into doing things you’re not comfortable with, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. It’s so stupid to think that once you turn 18 something magically changes & you’re somehow instantly more of an adult. I was more mature at 17 than most 21-year-old guys.
I hope you find a way to talk to him so you guys can enjoy each other.
Ah man, I can’t be nice with this one..
The issue isn’t the size of his dick, but the size of your vagina ( spin that one around and see, not very nice thing to hear and quite hurtful, so don’t even think about dissing his very normal dick size)
What can you do is kegels and try new positions. Put a pillow under you to elevate your vaginal canal, have him push on your lower back in doggy style, invest in a love pillow or other sex related furniture, incorporate toys, texture condoms, hot/cold lubes, etc.
Well… let me tell you this: my first sexual experience was a boyfriend of 18months. He was more experienced and his size was what people these days call it “perfect porn size”…it took me over a year to feel pleasure from penetration. No, it didn’t hurt having sex with him but I was feeling just like you: not satisfied and I was almost thinking I had a serious issue and would never be able to feel satisfied and pleasured…I went to my obgyn and she assured me that this is totally normal and it takes time for your vaginal tissue to develop the sense of pleasure. I hope this helps,”… don’t let stress get in your head…give yourself some grace.