I’m 39m she’s 40f. We have two kids 5 and 7. My wife takes several prescriptions for anxiety. I work from home. She’s the stay at home parent.
Their have been several instances where I try voice my concerns about seemingly mundane things that end up making her really pissed. Then the conversation will end with her saying I don’t love her and I’m apologizing.
Few examples.
My wife took the kids to the Lego store and they had spent enough to get the free gift. While the kids opened their Lego’s as soon they were home the free gift went to our bedroom closet. Not just the box but the big Lego bag. I was trying to clean up and I saw the bag with Lego’s. I grabbed the Lego’s and I’m putting them on the top shelf and I was going to throw away the bag. She immediately flips out and says she wants the bag. It’s literally a disposable shopping bag. I didn’t understand I left it alone and moved on. The bag with the Lego’s is still in the closet.
My kids and recently me have had skin issues. Could be diet, dry skin, Winter. One time I mentioned if we could stop using Lysol detergent additive. she blew me off she said it’s not the problem. You don’t do laundry don’t worry about it. Then She broke down and said your mansplaining. This is how women feel at work when men are telling them how to do their job. Tears everywhere I apologize and the day is pretty much fucked. She’s in bed depressed for the rest of the day. Let’s not forget that the Lysol detergent stuff says right on the bottle. Long term exposure can cause allergic reactions.
For a long time she checked out. Starting Jan 22 the kids got covid she couldn’t handle the stress. Around this time she said she was done. I’m not doing laundry cleaning nothing you take care of it. I stared I said fine and I’m thinking to my self must be nice to just throw my hands up and give up. This after I took the kid’s away for two weeks to spend Christmas with my family.
I more than pull my weight around the house. I almost exclusively prepare all meals. I wake the kids up get the fed and ready for school. Pack them lunches. I brush their teeth. I give them baths. Then I usually prepare dinner. I can’t have dairy or soy. Their have been several instances were she cooks food for the kids and her self and stuck eating a PB&J.
6 or so months that she wasn’t doing anything it was like anything I did didn’t matter. If things are not put away exactly how she wants she saids I don’t love her. One time I put the kids clothes away and later she took video of the kids closet to show case my shitty work. Nevermind that the clothes were clean and put away.
One time I was feeling a bit under the weather. I had just taken some medication and she wanted me me to take something else. I said no. She insisted, I looked it up it should be fine. Still said no. Then she said why don’t you trust me. Don’t you love me. I ended up taking it to shut her up. Nothing happened to me but she ended up in the emergency room. It reacted with one of her other medications.
Seeking advice books to read anything to navigate these waters.
3 comments
You mentioned she takes several prescriptions for anxiety, but has her depression been addressed medically? This honestly feels like a series of very serious cries for help.
I’m very sorry that she’s lashing out at you, that can’t feel good. The minor outbursts (Lego bag and laundry) feel like a reaction to medication…. But there are some pretty glaring differences between those and the depressive episode outbursts. She’s quite literally checking out. She needs mental health support from a professional.
I’d also recommend that her anxiety meds are reevaluated. You can google them to read up on what the side effects are, even if just to prepare yourself for what behavior you might be receiving
Besides Mc me and my wife listen to a podcast together that has really helped alot with our communication. It is called marriage therapy radio. We also read a books together. One is be Terry Real called us. Best wishes
oh gosh how do you live like that? I don’t know women who are happy when everything is their way… and unfortunately, what you wrote is a perfect example of this. Responsibility and decision making are best when done with love, not ill force.
First things come to mind that i would implement if it was in my household:
– increasing distance from each other (preferably each one has their own room/ personal space)
– toning down emotions, meaning only communicating from a calm space of mind with respect as if we were all “strangers”
– Finding a job (wife). Women have a lot of energy; mothers have 10 times more energy that needs a good outlet. If not, they tend to turn it against themselves and family. Who has time for depression and fights when life is too exciting for that? Often times it is not about working on changing mood… it’s about finding more meaning in life that makes sense and adds happiness. Besides, any job that involves people also polishes communication skills.
Stay strong!