About me: I am an introvert through and through, I do suffer from some social anxiety for which I went to therapy for. I think I’m pretty okay with short bursts of conversation with very few people but in a group setting, my brain just shuts down and honestly I just get tired. Lately, I am working on my casual talk (I am WFH) for when I go to office.
We went out for dinner a couple of days ago with my SO’s extended family and his brother’s girlfriend. Before the dinner, I chatted a little bit with his aunt which I think went okay.
But during the dinner, I guess I just went to passive mode because there was a lot of people. Anyway, I was listening to the convo and nodding/laughing appropriately but somewhere along my bf’s mother mentioned how I am too quiet while my brother’s SO’s gf was more casual and open. Understandably, they would want to know me better considering I have been with their son for five years now.
I guess I just don’t know what to feel about it. I can’t NOT see them because they are my SO’s family but I dread going now because I feel nervous like I have to perform. I do want to get closer with them but I don’t know how, I’m torn between accepting that I really am just quiet and making a nice impression on my SO’s family.
2 comments
Her opinion really shouldn’t matter. Stay true to yourself, continue to be nice but don’t try to change yourself to please her.
We had a friend who we invited over a lot. He was always totally fine talking with just us (husband and me) but when others were around, he just stopped speaking. When I read “passive mode” it made me think of him (sadly we lost him young many years ago). He didn’t even notice when he was quiet. We would point it out after others left and sometimes he said he felt like he was speaking but perhaps it was only him thinking he was talking as others spoke.
Consider giving his family a heads up. “I am quiet, but I enjoy listening and engaging with you. It takes me time to open up, and I really want to do so. Sometimes I will go into passive listening mode, not because I am interested but because it takes me longer to process and participate. I appreciate your understanding and willingness to work with me on this.”
By explaining and asking for patience they know it is not because you are bored or disengaged.
Your post reminded me so much of our friend. Take care and know that you got this!