We have been dating for over a year and half, closer to two years. She never posts stories or posts on instagram with me ever. She’s very active on social media. If she gets coffee with her friends she’ll post and tag. We go on a would’ve honeymoon vacation for most people (she paid her part) and only posts pictures of me not in them.
We live together. I’m closer with her family than my own. I’ve brought this up to her and how upset it has made me for literally over a year now. And it causes a fight and she has no good reason why she won’t. I don’t even like to bring it up because it causes issues but every several months I’m back to being super upset by it and asking if she’s ever going to post anything that shows that we’re together. It’s to the point where the first acknowledgement of me online could be an engagement photo. This has become such a problem that it’s about to be a deal breaker for me.
On top this, she still has pictures with her ex on her instagram. I’ve told her how upsetting this is when she won’t post anything with me not even a story that only lasts 24 hours.
Some side info:
-her ex is in a serious relationship too and is aware we are in a serious relationship so I’m not worried or jealous about that
-she has entire posts or albums where I was at the event with her or took the picture in 75% of the post but nothing with me makes it in
-we have tons of pictures together there’s no reason she can’t post any or just tag me in a picture of a place we are at
-her excuses have changed as time goes on, originally it was because it was too close to her last relationship and she wanted to wait, then it was everyone important in her life knows me so what difference does it make, then we were going through a rough patch and she was worried we were going to break up and she’d have to take them down (ironically the non posting was part of our issue)
-I’m not crazy about social media I have accounts but don’t post anything myself. I had one post of photos over the year with her in many of them and took it down because it was embarrassed since she never ever posts me
It’s to the point where last year I had a date set that if she didn’t post anything I was done (I didn’t tell her about this it was just for me to keep myself honest). But I folded and have let this go on a full other year and I’m at my breaking point. She acknowledges she’s in the wrong but doesn’t fix it and the cycle repeats.
Am I making too much of this? Is it ridiculous to end my relationship for something so trivial? At this point the posting is bad but the lack of empathy for my need is even worse. It’s so minor and simple for her to do and she still doesn’t.
TL;DR my girlfriend of over 1.5 years will not post anything of me online but still has pictures of her ex up. I’m at my wits end
6 comments
Do you know or hang out with any of her friends? Do they know you?
What would she do if you tagged her in posts of your own?
Well I hate to say this but maybe she still wants to appear single because she isn’t satisfied with you enough to proudly claim you as her boyfriend.
Or maybe since she has gone through a break up she doesn’t want to deal with posting all about her relationship on social media just to break up
I don’t know exactly what it is but it’s deff either or
This is unusual to me. It just seems like she’s hiding you from her online life.
Personally, I wouldn’t stand for it, I’d tell her to add me, or take a hike.
That’s because that’s not her ex. It’s her current and u the side
Time for you to leave her.
You have tried talking with her about it, she does nothing, so time to leave.
You say you live together, is it your place, her place or a joint place.
If yours, pack her shit up and tell her to get out.
If hers pack your stuff up and leave.
If joint, pack your stuff up and pay your part of 2 months rent to the landlord directly.
As you say it’s not that she is cheating, but she has no respect for you. And a relationship is built on trust and respect.
It sounds like it’s time for you to be very, very direct with her.
Sit her down and speak to her. Say this:
> I need to talk to you about the posts you make. I need to know why you won’t post anything about me, when you post about all other aspects of your life. This is very important, because your reason is what determines whether or not this is a dealbreaker.
Also this:
> I cannot be with someone who treats me like a dirty secret. I think that I’ve been incredibly patient about this. It’s time to tell me why you are hiding me online.