I am obsessed with my boyfriend and it’s ruining my life.

(19 M) am obsessed with my boyfriend (18 M). Ever since he, my friend, confessed to liking me in August, he has become the center of my entire life.

Every night we message before falling asleep. Every day, the same routine. Messages of affection exchanged. I’ve seen him in person twice. Every time I just miss him more and can’t imagine being apart.

His life is very hard. He’s breaking from stress. I understand that but I still overthink and get stressed whenever he isn’t messaging me like normal. I might have codependent tendencies. I want to melt into him. Everything I do, all my days, they revolve around him. I don’t want this to end. But at the same time, I hate it and it’s killing me from the inside.

I’m so worried and stressed and I hate change. I hate change and I want every night to be the same and I want reaffirmation. I don’t want his feelings about me to change. I’m afraid. I need this.. I don’t want to be apart from him. I got drunk from the feeling of love and now I don’t want it to ever stop. It’ll kill me.

Even if it’s just sexual attraction. Even if his affection for me is just infatuation and fleeting. I’m fine with just deluding myself. I need us to be extremely important to each other. I want a very deep intense love. More than is real. A Twin Fantasy, or something.

I don’t know what to do. Tonight was the first night we didn’t message at night (his circumstances were unusual and he’s deeply stressed by talking to anyone rn) and I don’t know what to do. I’m high out of my mind right now. This is going to tear me apart. I just love him so much. Just make it hurt less.