I always had problems with social interactions but the lockdown got it all worse but I wanna try to socialize a little again.
So how do I start and keep a good conversation with a person I never saw in my life? For example, a girl sitting in a bench of my university campus.
Edit: Wow, that’s a lot of answers! Thank you all guys!
9 comments
Well assuming your a straight male, a gal may not be the best choice just because the fact she’s a girl may get in the way of your conversations skills or distract you.
Older folk are a hit or miss but if you hit you’ll have yourself an hour long story to discuss.
just pretend… pretend you recognise them from somewhere else, pretend you wanted to say hi to them at that party but felt uncomfortable because you were drinking. good god the possibilities are endless, just use a bit of imagination. the computer can’t help you with that.
Why don’t you just go to campus events or join some organizations at your college? Or go to some parties? Make this easy for yourself.
If you are just approaching girls on campus, then I’d just open with the reason for approaching the girl “Hey, you look like you were friendly, so I figured I’d come over and say hi to you. I’m trying to improve my social skills, especially because I find it challenging to talk to girls. Anyways, I like your “(name something you noticed, perhaps a bracelet she is wearing)” are you big into bracelets?”
An important thing is that you are clear about why you approached the girl from the getgo — but then by asking her a question that is relatively impersonal (such is pointing out her bracelet and inquiring about it) — you give her both an understanding of your intentions so she feels “in the know” as to why you randomly approached her, and then you also gave her a question which takes all the pressure off of her to come up with something to say — since every question typically has an easy and obvious answer/response
From there, you’ve laid the groundwork of the conversation. You can either carry conversation forward from the information she shares about her bracelet (or other random thing she has that you noticed and pointed out — then inquired about)
If she shows interest in talking to you — which it takes experience to better understand if someone wants you to leave them alone versus both people just getting past the initial awkwardness of meeting someone new. If all things are going well, she shows interest, but conversation isn’t naturally moving forward — then we move to the acronym:
F.O.R.D.
Family, occupation, recreation, dreams.
Occupation for example: “what are you studying at school?” “Do you have a favorite class or teacher?” “What do you think about life on campus?” “What do you do for work?” “What works for you when studying?”
Or
Recreation: “What are your hobbies or interests?” Or “How do you like to spend your free time?” Or “How do you relieve stress?”
Or
Dreams: “What would be your ideal future look like? Being rich? Owning a bunch of farm animals? Living close to the beach?”
Or
Family: “I come from a small family, I have a one brother — how about you? Do you have siblings?”
Essentially you are digging out information about the person, gauging the areas which they get really excited talking about and the areas they don’t like talking about — then you narrow and expand upon the areas they showed the most interest in talking about. Hopefully you also share common interest in those areas as well so that you both enjoy the conversation — but at the very least, by finding what they enjoy talking about, you can give them the pleasantly of having someone to talk about it with for a little while.
It is also important to note that the other person may not ask questions back to you. Therefor, to avoid you just simply asking questions and turning the conversation into an interview — take the initiative to ask her a question, then when she answers the question, you also answer the same question you asked. For example: “Are a a cat or dog person?” She says: “Dog person for sure,” and you can reply “Me too, I’m a big dog person, I actually own an Australian sheppard, he is such good company” — then move on to another question if conversation doesn’t naturally progress. This way, your questions help you get to know her — and your questions help her get to know you.
‘Hi, I’m trying to meet new people because the pandemic has messed up my social life, I’m _ , feel like chatting for a min or two?’ I find being real works really good sometimes. Or just say Hi I’m _ …and feel them out.
“Hi! Will it be alright to sit here if you’re not waiting for anyone? Cool…”
Smile. Sit down on the opposite side and get busy with a book. Typically everyone is busy with their cellphones…. Find something catchy or funny, exclaim or comment out loud “this is ridiculous!” or “funny” or “no way this is happening” and just kinda add a few words as if you would write a comment, only this time do it out loud.
If the girl likes your comment, she’ll respond and in a sense upvotes it by reacting, looking at you, maybe laughing.
From there please do not turn your conversation into an interview, just keep it light, talk about school, what you currently studying, upcoming tests, teachers etc.
Good luck!
Startwith a compliment then ask howbtheir day is and what theyre up to
Here are the suggestions for the girl on the bench. Try these.
Hi.
Hi, my name is…
Smile.
Ask questions like what are you studying.
Join some club/activites.
Go to Parties