Hi, all! So I (21F) have a wonderful best friend (20M) and we’re sort of on the cusp of a relationship. We’ve discussed having sex and want to do so in the future, and he’s aware of my history of sexual abuse as a kid. We agreed on being extra careful in terms of my mental health during sex, but, even when I’m doing things by myself, I get too into my own head about everything. My anxiety in general, as well as my trauma in regards to sex, sometimes delay my ability to climax by a significant margin.
That, in turn, makes me extra nervous about having sex with my friend.
I guess TL,DR: How can I enjoy sex without getting too far into my own mind?
1 comment
Oof as a fellow SA survivor, I feel this. Have you tried exploring different kinks and fantasies? Sometimes escaping into an imaginary world can help trauma victims gain some relief and pleasure. Role-playing, reading fiction, looking at more fantastical pornographic art, etc. might help you get out of your head a bit. Because the situations you’re imagining are not real (or even possible irl), it helps create positive associations with sexuality. It can help with disconnecting your individual headspace from the trauma you experienced.
Also, don’t put pressure on yourself to come within a certain time limit, or even come at all. Unpopular opinion – sex doesn’t have to be about orgasm. It can be about intimacy, connection, having fun, and feeling good with someone you like.
Another tip, if you like a long, intimate warm up to sex, you can even start on your own. Spoil yourself with a nice bath, listen to music that puts you in the mood, light some candles, engage all your senses and try to focus on being present.
Hope this helps đź’ś best of luck