Im just now realizing that I have tried to hold onto friendships with this group of friends and they genuinely don’t like me…I mean if they did I would have been in the pic too having fun with them. This group of friends I have known since I was a kid. I think we grew apart. My friends literally only call me to walk the dogs we don’t do anything else. It’s very weird and I’m finally going to ask them why I am only worthy of dog walks together on the same boring trails and not fun girls trips, coffee shop hangs or going out with them. I’m 33 and it’s so hard to make friends at this age especially when your a business owner. Not going to lie I’m pretty sad and lonely rn.
Edit: thank you all so much for the advice and input. Hearing a bunch of different perspectives truly helped me see the whole picture. I can definitely make more of an effort to put myself out there…but with that being said I’m not going to say anything to my friends. I’m going to move on and try to form new connections. I’ll be alright. Thanks everyone.
37 comments
They have a purpose for you (walking dogs) and nothing else. Please see the value in yourself, walk away and find your people who will treasure your presence.
I wish I could give you a hug! Everything will be okay. It might be hard to find new friends but its not impossible.
I feel some of your pain, I’ve been there and it’s horrible. I’ve got no advice but would give you a hug because it might make some of the pain disappear even if for a moment.
I wouldn’t confront them about it. It’ll only be an awkward conversation for everybody involved.
If the next time they message you is to walk their dog just say no or come up with some bs reasin. And keep doing so.
Only when they ask you to join them in something unusual or different to walking a dog should you respond and maybe join them then.
I don’t think ideally you want to get rid of friends if you don’t have much outside of them. so if they don’t invite you to anything else then leave it as that.
Friends are supposed to enable you to go out and do things.
I’m so sorry, I have been through in this situation, I don’t have any advice for you, I’m just really sorry cause I know how it feels, here some hugs from my side.
Do you ever contact them to do things? Do you ever make the plans? I know I’ve stopped trying to put in effort when I’m the only one doing so.
That being said, sometimes you just grow apart from people. I’m 32 and it is hard to make friends. I learned that it’s definitely better to have a few good friends, than a lot of mediocre friends.
When *you* organize fun hangouts, do they attend or do they blow you off?
I’m 34, and I don’t have friends. I have work buddies, but I don’t hang out with anyone other than family. I have one friend I talk to here and there and we literally hang out once every few years. I’m ok with keeping to myself though. I used to be super social and then went a complete 180 and I’m ok with it. Sucks sometimes when you see people having fun and stuff though
DONT CONRONT THEM!
You clearly know u werent invited, its ok. Just be the walk dogging friend but if youre not fine with being just that, cut them off.
No point in trying to squeeze into the group, you would be loved elsewhere for who u are!
Also sucks readinf this, hope you do well! I really hope you find ur people.
Don’t ask them. The fact they need to be asked in the first place is the problem. Just ditch them and move on it’s for the better.
It’s better to be alone than alone with people. Please don’t pursue those who do not pursue you. Join some meetup groups- there are so many and many are people who want to expand their social circle. F them if they call you to walk dogs.
Honestly I would’ve even ask. If they wanted to they would. They’re prob gonna invite you after but still not actually want you there. And it’s going to be awkward if you try to maintain a friendship after. Sorry this has happened to you.
Stop texting them, calling, unfriend them on SM…and you’ll realize “how many dead plants you’ve been watering.”
Don’t confront them mate
All ya’all need to stop with the crappy advice.
Treating groups of people as a monolithic group. In five years most of these people won’t be hanging out with each other either.
Look at the individuals and decide if they are friends or not. Honestly I love walking around with a dog and having conversation.
This is the time to take each one on individually and decide if they are close friends or just acquaintances.
Don’t burn bridges, even if they don’t want to share things with you, they are still connections and people change.
Im 37 and other than the occasional facebook/insta like, i have very little contact with my “besties” from school and uni. My closest friends are 2 of the people i have worked with for the past 18 years and 3 friends from the gym that i have met within the last 5 years. I have other friends that i socialise with but the work and gym ones are the ones that i talk deeply to when i need a bit of therapy. So it is possible to make new friends as an adult, you just have to put yourself in a different situation and reach out to people to make a connection.
Don’t waste your time confronting them. They are not worth your time and effort at this point. Life is too short to spend it on shitty friends. You’ll find better ones.
May I (gently) ask what kind of business you own? I ask because a lot of direct sellers refer to themselves as “business owners” and many of them alienate their friends with their sales and recruiting attempts.
I know Meetup and Bumble BFF exists but I wish we had a subreddit for different cities that want to make more friends.
I’m sorry to hear that. If I were you, I’d not confront them and instead drift away. When I’ve done this in the past I’ve found that cutting out toxic friendships made space for new friendships. Keep dog walking just so you have something to do sometimes and leave it at that.
“I am only worthy of dog walks together”
I want to point out that’s not true, but your interpretation. The presupposition being in the word “worthy”. Have you expressed interest in doing more than dog walks together? Are you close enough that you can share that you would like to have been invited?
I have friends that hang out without me sometimes, and I also have multiple friend groups. I don’t necessarily take offense in the instances when I’m not invited. If I feel close enough to a person in the group, I can approach with curiosity, playfulness, or be really vulnerable and share what I’m feeling. But I also know that I get to create the kinds of relationships that I want. So if people do something without me, I can say, “hey I would have loved an invitation” and their response would give me a lot more information.
Maybe they didn’t know you wanted to go, maybe they don’t feel close to you, maybe they were unsure of asking you, maybe they don’t actually like you, maybe they don’t know if you like them… a million possible reasons why they didn’t invite you, but I would not internalize it and attach it to your worthiness. People say don’t confront, but I would. I would want to know where I stand with a group of friends. If we get messy and clean it up, at least I know that we can have a new level of connection and authenticity and be clear on where we stand with each other. And if they blow me off, I have a direct response to my question and there will be no questions on what our relationship is going forward. I try not to assume the worst in people or take things personal; most of the time the reason people do what they do has nothing to do with me.
Also 33 is super young. If they’re not your tribe, you can create space to find your people. So I think it’s better to know sooner than later so you know where to spend your energy.
Try looking for interest groups on meetup
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I feel you. A few months ago one of the ladies in my group posted pictures on Facebook of our friends group playing in a grape orchard while on a wine tasting trip. I wasn’t invited to that one for some reason. But there they were, all goofing off, holding wine glasses and having a grand old time. It brought me back to when I was in Jr. High and being excluded from another group….like it opened old wounds that I had packed away. I went through a real low after that. I just decided at that point that those ladies just aren’t true friends. I haven’t even contacted them and so far they haven’t reached out either. Never had a falling out with any of them. Sometimes friends just come and go.
Quote attributed to Robin Williams: “I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”
From experience, ghosting works just as well for “friends” as it does for “dates”
All my supposed friends are like that. They all game and hang out together but never bither with me. They say I got to try harder to ask them if I can join them. Why is it i have to ask friends if I can join them but they make sure to invite each other? Recently made a new friend, super rare for my. Already that guy in just two weeks has invited to hang out with him and his group and game online handfuls of times. More than my “friends” have in years.
People have different ideas of what friends are. Imo friends are people who want to hang out together and are there for each other when things go bad. In my friend group the guy I thought I was closest to ghosted me when I needed him most and told me he was ignoring because he knew what I was going through. The others seem like they cant wait to get away from me when I’m talking to them and never talk to me unless they have to or need something.
I got really really depressed trying to maintain relationships with the “friends” I knew but I been feeling a lot better lately hanging out with my new friend and his crew and people who actually want me around.
It seems to me that you just have to accept that not everyone will like you and focus finding people who do. You cant really get people to like you without stopping being you and being some thing else. At that point either you change who you are to meet the needs of people who dont like you or and stop paying attentiin to people who dont care about like you care about them.
Have you tried to join BFF Bumble? It’s a friendship app. I joined it when none of my friends were ever available to hang out with and I met a lot of cool people in the same situation as me.
A lot of good advice and food for thought in this thread.
I’m in a similar situation – 32 years old and mostly friendless for the last 3 years. I moved abroad and spent the last few years hyper focused on my career, and also quite afraid to put myself out there, given the differences in culture and language of the country I’m currently in.
I recently started a meetup group in my city and have already met quite a few cool people! I’m actually making friends and meeting people and it feels amazing.
If you could join a meetup group or some sort of club / local groups in your city you’d probably be able to meet other people also looking for friends.
The scariest and hardest part is putting yourself out there, but if you try chances are you’ll make new friends and find people who enjoy the same things you do.
Don’t contact them, don’t ask your questions. Just drop them. They’ve proven they’re not your friends already.
Move on. You can find friends everywhere. From your customers, suppliers, neighbors and acquaintances from the past. You just have to nurture those friendships.
“I’m finally going to ask them why I am only worthy of dog walks together on the same boring trails and not fun girls trips, coffee shop hangs or going out with them”
Why ask a question that has a very obvious answer?
You’ll only hurt yourself more and make for an even more awkward relationship with them (whats left of it).
I called a friend today to drop off a gift today and found out she had blocked me. I’m not a chatty person and hardly call anyone ever. Sorry that’s happening but be your own best friend that’s better.
Losing my friend group that I grew up with was one of the most liberating things of my life. Long story short, my best friend cheated with my ex and they are now married and have a child. All of my “friends” knew, and felt that I was unreasonable for not wanting to be friends with him after finding out that they had been having a thing for a long time while we were together. It was tough at first, but made me realise how one-sided the friendships were. Leaving them all made room for new friends.
Don’t validate their jealously by calling them out. Just block and ghost all of them.
They probably exclude you due to their jealously. Are any of them business owners?
Your story reminds me of Shanquella Robinson – not sure if you know what happened to her? Well she tried desperately to hold on to friends that didn’t even like her, so they planned it and killed her while they were on a trip to Cabo that SHE paid for.
Don’t talk to these people again. Jealousy is as cruel as the grave.
oh my heart hurts for you. i experienced something very similar and ended up confronting about it which led to a huge argument of them vs me and we all agreed i wouldn’t speak to them anymore, i couldnt i was too hurt and betrayed. it happened to me when i was 19.5, and it was by far the worst thing i’ve gone through. just until recently at 21.5, have i been able to move on. you deserve better.
Don’t be sad it’s Christmas…….fuck them. Get a new hobbies, do well . Stop wasting time on people who don’t deserve you.
All the best