What can you ask/say on a first date to get an idea of someone’s political/social opinions?

30 comments

1. Politics are hella important to me, so I ask prior to the first date. And I ask very directly. If someone does not identify as a leftist, then we’re not dating.

2. I usually mention something about my social justice work and see how they respond. Folks tend to ask about work and passions and stuff in the beginning, so that is an opening for me.

3. Ask what they think of abortion laws and gun control. There usually isn’t an in-between with those topics.

4. Asking someone for their most low stakes controversial opinion tends to be very revealing. Most people will say something about their favorite pizza topping or something similar. An awful lot of bigots will air their shitty opinions on a question like this though, because they tend to think that most people share their views.

5. Ask about gas prices. If they’re a Republican, there’s literally no chance that they can resist saying something dumb about Biden.

6. “What side of TikTok/Reddit are you on?”. I’ll then share that, among other things, I see a lot of feminist/leftist/social justice content, and see their reaction to that.

7. I’d just bring up the topics during discussion. That’s too important to me to just ignore and hope for the best, so I consider clear, open, and direct communication about it vital before dating someone (or at the latest, on the first date itself). No point in wasting each other’s time.

8. I always find it better to ask those things before meeting in person

9. I make a joke about my leanings/social opinions on dating app bios so it pretty much starts there for me. If they get it then they’ll bring it up, we’ll share a laugh, etc. If they don’t get it and don’t agree then odds are the convo doesn’t go anywhere.

10. If it’s important to you, why fear being direct? “Do you think women deserve the freedom to decide what to do with their bodies?” If their response is anything but “yes,” I’m out.

11. It’s absolutely appropriate to discuss this on the first or second date. If you’re dating for a relationship, get this stuff out of the way, not a year into it. Same goes for children and other topics.

12. “So abortions, am I right?”

13. Ask them who they admire.

14. Asking where they get their news and/or how much they follow it can be telling

15. Talk about a 4-year-old nephew whose fingernails you painted. If your date feels it’s “inappropriate” since the kid’s a boy, you probably already know your answer.

16. Something that I never planned but sometimes I find quite effective yet subtle is asking to be responsible for tipping the service worker after a coffee/dinner date. If the guy has insisted on paying for the meal I’ll agree ‘so long as I can pay for the tip’. If we’re splitting the bill, at the time of splitting, then I’ll still ask if I can be responsible for the tip.

    Initially I started doing this because some of the dates and their tipping policies were bothering me. In my friend group we all feel equally strongly about tipping well so I’m really used to that. What I find is that it’s a short enough moment for it to not ruin the vibe of the date no matter their view. I’ll usually cash tip so it’s clear how much I’m tipping and make some sort of comment/rhetorical question about how we should at least be tipping 20% nowadays right? Men that strongly agree will comment in the moment. Other men might bring it up much later that they think it’s great that I feel so strongly about tipping. Those that do not comment could hold a different view and don’t want to mention it or just don’t think much of the moment. But I find it a brief and subtle way to point out one of your general views without causing political tension.

    Some caveats. Some men that previously worked in the service industry may appreciate this but have other problematic views around other topics which I think you only really gather by spending time together and paying attention to off handed comments. And this method is good for me because I don’t feel comfortable jumping right into other topics before even meeting.

17. Mention a recent news story or a social issue specific to your region (homelessness, lack of medical care etc). Their reaction is usually pretty telling.

18. Say a subtle nod to feminism

19. 1. What are your thoughts on current political/social issues 2. Do you have any strong opinions on particular political/social issues 3. What kind of news do you usually follow 4. Have you ever been involved in any sort of activism or volunteering

20. I wouldn’t want to accidentally go on a date with a tory so I think I’d probably have something like ‘don’t fuck tories’ on my profile.

21. I think its usually better to do so through more subtle means, such as by engaging in conversations about current events or issues that are relevant to your community or to the world at large. You can also try asking more general questions about their values and beliefs, or about their views on social justice, equality, and other important topics.

22. I always ask about kids. Nothing serious like “HAVE MY BABIES”. But I’m in childcare so it’s easy to bring up. The amount of dudes who have casually mentioned I would be doing 90% of the childcare. Or bringing up spankings. Or choosing a that I’ll be a stay at home mom for me.

    On the first freaking date too.

23. You can learn a lot from casual conversation. Just steer it in the direction you need it to go and ask what you need to ask. I always like to get it out of the way pretty early and say I don’t want children, and I think it’s important to discuss the “what if’s” before having sex but it’s always been well received, dates seem to appreciate the forwardness to be honest. If something is a deal breaker, say it so you aren’t wasting each other’s time.

    The whole purpose of a date is to learn about the other person so don’t be afraid to ask questions that spark discussion. “Hey I gotta ask, how do you feel about …….”

24. LOL, I would check out their car to see if there is a bumper sticker. That way you can tell how “political” they are.

25. Sometimes you can ease it in by talking about taxes, gas price, real estate, general topics like this. If you want to know abiut abortion and stuff you can ask about that directly in terms of you both getting intimate.

    Could always try taking a humor approach and dropping a sexist/political joke and then see how they react but this can backfire lol depends on what you’re comfortable with!

26. It tends to come up if we’re making small talk about the news, or about the work I was doing that day (I often cover feminist themes in my work).

    I’m so absolutely disinterested in dating conservative bigots that I don’t mind being a little “too” open about my beliefs in order to weed those people out as early as possible.

27. Because i normally can’t stand people who are trump supporters (or don’t want me to have rights to my own body, etc) this is very important to me… ask on the first date, you don’t want to be stuck with someone who doesn’t think you should have rights!

28. Depends on what the date is intended for.

    If it’s just a fling/fwb I wouldn’t care at all, this isn’t going anywhere.

    If it’s long term I’d just straight up ask. I don’t have time to play around if my intentions are for long term.

29. When I placed my ad here, I simply said MAGA need not apply, we are in different points in our lives and will be at each other’s throats.

30. I straight up ask.