TL:DR: How can i support my sister with the (planned) seperation of my parents without taking sides?
I (30 m) want support my sister(17) with the planned seperation of my parents. Here comes some introduction:
I got to my parents place yesterday and my mom told me privately (in the car on the way home) that she recently had a lot of trouble with my father. They talked about seperation (no divorce since they are not married) and have taken steps towards it. He visited a lawyer because of the ownership of the house and she almost signed a contract for a flat. If this would happen they agreed that my sister has a room in the old house and the flat and can move around freely. They have settled the dispute right now and have agreed to come along until my sister moved out further to study. My sister of course has witnessed all of this and now is in major trouble to handle this situation.
A bit of context on my mother is necessary to understand the problem. While before I moved out with 18 there has been some major trouble every day (that is the reason why i moved out) because my mother is seeking for arguments and almost searching for ways to make problems up to everyone. They have threatened each other with seperation very often but it never happened. The arguing has been getting better since then but the problem stays the same. My father in contrast is a very rational guy but in turn is not very nice to my mother for beeing irrational, messy or doing not so smart things. As it turns out my mother tries to convince my sister to move with her to a flat also because she is dependent on the child support to afford it. I personally do not think that is a good idea, because my mom is such a troublemaker. Now both want her to stay at their place but my mom certainly is manipulating her with guilt.
As this circumstances certainly get close to me I want to focus on supporting my sister. It is written in the stars if this seperation will take place but it is still troubling her very much. She avoids talking about it with friends and does not want to go to the social worker in school either. As I live very far away (600km+) it is difficult for me to be there for here or offer her a bed if the arguing is to much at home. We do not write a lot and to my dismay she did not reached out to me about this. Also I am not very good in communicating emotions and that is why i ask r/relationships to do its magic. **I want to talk to her in private and give her some helpful advice.** However I can not just say to her “do not move in with mom” as it is a custom in our family to use such secretly shared information in big arguments. What can I say to support her without taking sides? How can I tell her not to feel guilty over all of this and for the manipulation of both of my parents? How can I convince her to talk about it with me, her friends and the social worker at school to help her with the situation?
Thank you dear redditor for reading this and sorry for any typos as I am not a native speaker. Merry Christmas 🎄