During unavoidable family gatherings, how do you deal with creepy/inappropriate male relatives?

10 comments

1. I’ve never dealt with that personally, but I’m big on boundaries. Make it clear that their behaviour is inappropriate, and ask them to stop. If they continue, make it clear to family members that you will not attend gatherings if the behaviour continues. Easier said than done, I know.

2. Call them out. If my family choses to keep them around, I won’t be there.

3. I mean last time something like that happened I just threatened the guy with a spoon but telling everyone works well too

4. this is a tough one. adult me today would tell younger me to use my voice. call them out when they say creepy things. tell them not to touch you. tell an adult if they isolate you away from others to be inappropriate. yell. make a scene.

   adult me would understand that cracking things open and letting people see and feel the discomfort that has been created by protecting an abuser is an important beginning for you.

   most of the time, there are a few of dynamics at play:
   a family that has learned to not speak up out of fear of embarrassing someone. they might also fear rejection by the rest of the family or even punishment. learned helplessness can be handed down as a family tradition. not talking about the abusive behavior and person means avoiding conflict which seems scary but it’s a conduit to getting the bad behavior exposed and discussed.

   are there family members you feel safe with? stick with them. is anyone in your family outspoken? more honest? stick with them. stay close to those you trust. you don’t owe abusive people anything at all.

   i might be putting too much in to your description of “creepy” and “inappropriate.” however, i was 15 when my formerly creepy uncle finally got brave enough to barge in when i was undressed. and i have cousins who experienced physical abuse at the hands of the creepy uncle. hopefully you mean just a vibe and a person you don’t want to hug because they smell weird or can’t stop making off color jokes at dinner. but if i’m right, great. and this might help someone else experiencing more than bad jokes and a slightly-too-long hug.

5. I try to avoid them as much as possible. If I can’t avoid them, I try to stay in a group and keep the conversation light.

6. Don’t talk to them. Just stare them down whenever they speak until they walk away to go hit on another cousin/aunt/whoever.

7. Not in a family, but I just keep my distance from that person. I don’t sit close to him, don’t initiate conversations, and sometimes even go out of the room if he starts speaking some sexist BS.

   Once I called him out on it when he told that my friend looks like a boy with short hair (she is very cute and feminine with that haircut).

8. Laughing and saying “Wow, that’s inappropriate!”

9. You’re going to have to call them out. Cuz what the flying fuck?

10. I try to avoid them and call them out. Since becoming an adult, I don’t deal with that bs anymore