for some background, i (22f) was a virgin until i met my boyfriend (22m) at 18 years old. before that i’d made out with a lot of guys and did a lot of stuff just no sex, and it always felt super good. me and my bf had sex pretty fast, which i attribute to the fact that i was on drugs and my inhibitions were super low at the time. i got off them a few months into our relationship and im all good now. in all our time together, i’ve never cum and it’s really starting to annoy me. my sex drive has always been higher than his, which has also always been pretty frustrating. he’s gone down on me maybe 3x our whole relationship and i go down on him all the time.
so the real issue here, i’ll get turned on and want to have sex then when we start to get intimate it’s like i go numb down there. it feels like absolutely nothing and it’s so awkward so i just moan and pretend to like it but it feels like nothing. i mean it’s fun that i make him feel so good so i enjoy doing it for intimacy purposes and it’s good for my self esteem but i’m getting impatient. he’s pretty big so that’s not the issue. anyway, im losing my sex drive entirely now. i mean it’s been four years of this, the idea of having sex isn’t exciting anymore because i know i won’t cum. i’ve told him i’d like more foreplay and maybe head but he doesn’t give me head still and if he doesn’t wanna do it it’s not gonna feel good because i’ll feel gross about it if he’s not into it. and when he does more foreplay it still feels like nothing no matter what. his foreplay is just using his finger on my clit but that’s what i do for myself and i feel it so i don’t know why it’s not good when he does it. i tell him exactly what to do so it should be good.
i’m positive the issue isn’t lack of attraction, and i use memories of our sex to get myself off and they turn me on a lot so i don’t think it’s because i’m gay (that and the fact that i’m not attracted to women) but really i’m at a loss for why this is happening. why could this be happening?
tl;dr: as soon as we start to get intimate im no longer turned on and feel numb.
6 comments
Talk during sex. Tell him to do this or that. Guide his hands or his head, whatever. Maybe introduce some toys into the mix.
Maybe that is what you need?
There’s not too many women who can cum from just intercourse alone, many of us need clitoral stimulation. He might not be doing enough for you to feel good. Definitely talk to him, you don’t want to continue to have bad sex
Try out different things. My ex and I used to do a lot of anal and he played a lot with my nipples which turned me on. Casual sex did not turn me of🤷
Sooooooooooooooo ok few things. Have you been doing cocaine? It can affect sex drive, and people coming off it can’t cum for the longest of times since your body doesn’t make enough happy drugs on its own anymore.
Secondly, I doubt he is using his head. Take charge and show what you want in sex.
I’m sorry but he got away without doing you head for 4 years…I think he has gotten lazy and complacent. It doesn’t appear that he cares much about your pleasure.
Refresh your bed life. Get a toy. Use it on your clit during intercourse! Sex should be a positive experience, not a chore! I admit it would be hard to tell him you’ve never cummed yet. But maybe lead him by saying “we could spice it up”?
It doesn’t sound like you’re that attracted to him
If there was strong attraction you would be more into it imo