I (F26) am seeing some friends on NYE next week that I haven’t seen in a year. Long story short, I shared this friend group with my ex boyfriend who was a mean-spirited partner but who they all love because he is a good friend. I have no doubt that they (the friends) had/have love for me, but he came along first and it was just too hard for me to be around him afterwards (I can provide more details but honestly talking about your breakup is about as interesting as telling people about your dreams).
The past year since I’ve seen them all was honestly horrible. Not only did I get blindsided by the bad breakup, but my dad died unexpectedly, I ‘lost’ most of my friends, I had to leave my impressive but somewhat dangerous career job because I didn’t feel safe, I went into debt, I had to go back to serving, and I haven’t had sex in over a year or really dated because I have major trust issues.
I just want to come off like I’m confident and that I am doing well. I know I shouldn’t think of it like a competition but my ex is killing it, sleeping with girls, got a new lady in four months, travels all the time, got nominated for very prestigious award I will not name…like kill me lol.
TL,DR: Seeing mutual friends of my highly successful, well-liked ex after I lived a hell year. How do I look like I’m doing well?
HELP
These are some starter points that I thought of:
-I got diagnosed with severe ADHD this year and my meds have completely changed my ability to take care of myself, like I went from barely scraping by to basically running our 5 person house. Idk if getting diagnosed with a mental illness is a flex though…
-I work at a bar they all used to love and think is cool
-I’m making a little headway on my novel after years of writer’s block
-I just applied to go back to school, I have a degree but I’m going to go for a teacher’s education program
-idk if this helps but although I don’t feel it in my heart, I know from others that I am hot. I get a lot of attention and I could have sex if I wanted to, I wish I did but I’m too awkward and I think I wouldn’t enjoy it. I feel like a prude and very unsexy
-I got two really cute cats this year
This all does not feel like nearly enough and I feel like I am a loser… does anyone have any practical tips for what I can say/do when I see them?
EDITED for anonymity
3 comments
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Chuck Palahniuk has a great quote that sums up what you’re taking about:
“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.”
If it were me I just wouldn’t go. Tell them something more exciting came up and go take yourself on a nice night on the town. Life’s too short to fake happiness and well being. Go live that shit and I promise your self-esteem and confidence will go up vs faking the funk for a night. Probably not what you wanted to hear but I hope you have a great evening regardless of what happens.
Hello.
Its really crazy, but life is what you make of it. By the sounds of it, you are already on your merry way to being happy, if not already there.
I would suggest just taking a step back and trying to visualise whats actually happening and has happened. The image you yourself as being a loser is only true if you actually believe it, and that is purely because its your opinion that counts, no one else’s.
I would say, when conversing with them, be as open as you wish, but dont try to prove anything to them. No one likes people who brag. Just be yourself, as you were friends beforehand and obviously can handle the situation.
Im unsure how to handle the ex side of it, im one of the worst for advice there as I would crumble if my ex came back i to my life, but id say the same, be polite yet abrupt.
Im pretty shocking with people, but I do happen to know myself, and others. What I do know is you are perfectly fine and have amazing potential. Keep it up and enjoy yourself.