I am guilty of this. Sometimes I meet someone and I enjoy being around them. The energy, the banter, the”vibe” just clicks into place. But when some really clear and unsavory red flags start appearing I sometimes turn a blind eye. This isn’t all the time. I’ve had plenty of situations where I see the red flag and do what’s best for myself. But there’s specific kinds of people that I find myself with that make it incredibly hard to leave. Right when I’m at my wits end they give me a little more to keep me hanging on. A glimmer of hope in the form of attention or kindness or whatever it was I enjoyed in the beginning.
The quote “believe people when they tell you/show you who they are”. I totally agree with but I struggle with putting it into action, especially when someone doesn’t want to be let go of.
Any thoughts on this?
How do you combat this resistance?
7 comments
> A glimmer of hope in the form of attention or kindness or whatever it was I enjoyed in the beginning.
This is the problem. Many people just use “hope” as fuel to keep something going. It rarely works out well in those cases. “Hope” is a bad strategy as they say.
If you are proactively looking to the past about reasons to stay with somebody….there is something wrong with the relationship.
>I totally agree with but I struggle with putting it into action, especially when someone doesn’t want to be let go of.
The difference between doing something and not doing something….is doing something. So, all you need to do is make decisions and dont let the person influence you. Because if you dont have a plan, you will be part of their plan. Which means you dont have any control.
Just because somebody doesnt want to “be let go of” doesnt mean you should hold on.
My friend and I both stayed with men where we overlooked red flags for way too long. This is what we both live by now, “Stop falling for potential and ideas.”
When we meet people, we have a habit of seeing a future and painting them as something they’re not. Then when they give a red flag, they show that little “glimmer of hope” aka the potential. We stick with these ideas and try the keep hope alive. I know I accepted less at the time because I did NOT want to go back on the apps and stuff because that’s the only way I meet people. But going through the bad convos, Catfishes, bad dates, and ghosting, I just wanted to keep what I could get.
But I’m very clear with what I want and it’s made weeding out guys so much easier. Also, being your own best company should bring happiness and not fears of being alone.
Because I’m lonely 🤷♂️
I never realized that until I got out of high school that I always accepted less or the bare minimum because I was raised to be thankful for whatever I received in my life. So when it came to receiving the bare minimum from women I had crushes on, I always accepted it, and I always over thought about it.
These girls weren’t nice to me because they liked me, they were simply just nice people and I wasn’t anything special to them aside from being a classmate. The reality was that I had to realize I deserved more than just falling for the girls who were just nice to me, and that there’s more to somebody than just them being nice.
I think people accept less because they feel like that’s what they deserve, and they feel like if they’re asking for anything more, they’re being selfish. And if I’m being honest, I do feel selfish if I was to ask a woman for more than what they have to offer.
“Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?”
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
It’s just unfortunate that relationships have come down to the way it is today.
I definitely get it, but it’s also likely a general aversion to confrontation, and probably something worth addressing. It’s a social skill to be able to set boundaries, and often needs to be cultivated…
Loneliness
I could have written this.
I’m a healthy individual, I know myself and I have good coping mechanisms when dealing with triggers. I recently had to break things off with a guy who started showing red flags, the way I went about it was by focusing on how I was feeling during the relationship vs before.
I had gone a whole week having doubts, doubting my instinct and believing him instead of myself, I felt sad and I couldn’t sleep. I had to ask myself if that’s really what I wanted from a relationship.
It sucks it’s a tough process to go through. But you have to choose yourself, grow from the experience and believe that you will meet someone worth your time in the future.